Musings from The Generation We Coach

Gen Y Women and the Recession: What We're Thinking and Doing... and WHY

2011-08-22T14:35:00.008-04:00

One of the great things about my work is that it positions me to contribute my two cents for books, articles, college courses, info products, etc. The bummer is when I dedicate the time to give what I believe are valuable nuggets for action or reflection and they never see the light of day…as recently happened when one of my media superheroines reached out for a story on young women in the workplace. Since the biggest bummer is having the content go underutilized, I’m piecing it together to share with you my thoughts on how the recession is impacting us Gen Y and millennial women. In many ways it’s a companion piece to my June 17th Awaken Your CAREERpreneur vlog where I asked, “The Ladies are Coming, or are They?”

The 2 Biggest Trends

First, for well-educated young women who are still pursuing full-time employment upon graduation, I am noticing that those who are driven by a desire to succeed are more tentative about taking positions with start-ups, in publishing or on Wall Street. Instead, they are looking to align their expertise with corporations that are pegged for continual growth such as health care and renewable energy.

Second, for young women driven by a desire to make positive social impact, I'm seeing a lot choose to move home so that they can work in a nonprofit and make a contribution through a company like Teach for America or YouthBuild. Gen Y and millennial women inspired to drive change through entrepreneurial solutions are also looking for positions in social enterprise or in CSR. Knowing that work in most industries is unstable at best, many young women are saying, "I might as well do what I care about now. For the only thing worse than selling out is being sold out," as so many of us have witnessed happen for Gen X and Boomers.

New Grads as Perpetual Grads

I'm also seeing a lot of young women go directly from college to graduate school or from college to work (or job seeking) for a year or two and then to graduate school...rather than waiting 3-5 years to launch their careers, gain real-world experience and choose a degree program that aligns with their professional goals. As a former women’s studies professor, trust me I'm not knocking higher education. And the influx of women into MBA and PhD programs is exciting to be sure. However, when young women accrue massive educational debt, haven't necessarily chosen degrees that will make them more competitive job candidates or graduate over educated and under experienced, I worry. It's important for any woman choosing graduate school to be VERY clear about how much the degree will increase her earning potential and whether it's enough to cover and warrant what she will be shelling out in monthly payments upon graduation.

The Gen-Y/Millennial Woman’s Mindset

While we know we have lower rates of unemployment than our male counterparts, there is still a sense that we are not moving up the ranks as quickly as we did in a robust economy. The fear, the source of most self-sabotage, manifests in a lot of concerns over integrating the personal with the professional: How do I put equal attention into job hunting/career reinvention and dating? How do I feel about the fact that I may be supporting or at least picking up the tab for a significant other who is unemployed? Will I have achieved the success I seek prior to wanting to start a family?

For many Gen Y and millennial women, unfortunately, the greatest barrier to workplace equity is ourselves. We trail miserably behind young men in negotiating our first salaries. We trail miserably behind young men in asking for performance reviews and promotions. And we trail miserably behind young men in our assessment of our workplace performance and preparedness for leadership. Therefore, while we might get ourselves in the door before young men do, we are much more likely not to move as quickly up or be paid as well the longer we are in the workplace. It's important to step into our moxie and ask for what we're worth—in money, position and opportunity—once we've gotten in and have measurable results to back-up our case.

All of this undoubtedly plays into our thoughts on entrepreneurship. It's commonly reported that Gen Y believes entrepreneurship to be safer than full-time employment. A recent survey by the Young Entrepreneurs Council reported that 35% of Gen Y who are currently employed have started a side business, 21% have started a business because they are unemployed and 79% are interested in one day becoming entrepreneurs. As I know firsthand, young women are more likely to start home based businesses than tech start-ups. More and more are taking to the internet to blog, create info products and sell services through our online brands. This is the space where I think women will most be stepping up and leading in the next 2-5 years. The next wave of young female small business success is leveraging one’s products and service to make more sizable and replicable social impact.

More anon….

6 Truths to Rock Your Ovaries (or Cajones)

2011-08-18T14:56:00.005-04:00

Today is a yummy day. It's my 3-year wedding anniversary, and all I can think about is my guy getting his tush home from work. My lunch date cancelled, I'm ahead of my writing schedule and so I find myself with some extra time luxuriating in the happy truths I nourish myself with on a daily basis to sustain me in the awesome times and fly me through the icky ones. And because of truth #1, well, you get a blog post out of it!

1. Inspiration is best when shared. When you feel lit up, light someone else's fire by sharing a spark of your divine.

2. A giggle gets you through the garbage. Just laugh. It's as much of a parasympathetic activity as crying or whining and usually feels a whole heckuva lot better.

3. We get through everything. The question, "How am I going to show up to my journey?" Enough said.

4. Through empathy there is ease. I attended a dynamo webinar on emotional intelligence (EQ) yesterday and among the many things I learned, at the top of the list was that millionaires who have sustained their fortunes have all had high EQ. When you dance in other people's shoes, not only do relationship go deeper, money flows!

5. Give yourself the _____ you want from others. Whether "blank" means love, an answer, permission or forgiveness, the gift you give yourself always lasts longer and makes more of an impact.

6. What's your truth?

Announcing the Launch of Awaken Your CAREERpreneur

2010-09-11T11:51:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, I'm just over a week away from the launch of my new book, Awaken Your CAREERpreneur: A Holistic Road Map to Climb from Your Calling to Your Career. I'm incredibly jazzed to be able to share how I fuse entrepreneurial strategies with best practices for mind-body-spirit alignment to engineer sustainable career success with a greater audience!

To support CAREERpreneurs in staying engaged with their career success engineering, I've created a new blog with a team of 7 experts in health and wellness, financial management, small business and small business start-up, personal leadership, nonprofit/social enterprise, and new media who will be posting their musings, best practices, and interviews along with me.

If you are a fan of Musings from The Generation We Coach, make sure you subscribe to Awaken Your CAREERpreneur. While I'll still be blogging here--and focusing on workplace and generational issues--Awaken Your CAREERpreneur will be the primary home for my recipes for career and personal development.

3 Tips to Avoid the Summer Career Blues

2010-08-11T18:02:00.004-04:00

Each year around this time, I find many of my clients and colleagues contracting a special summer sickness. While it often is as contagious as a summer cold, this particular malady can't be cured by Emergen-C or a Z-Pak. It usually sets in around mid-July and August, right before or right after a vacation. One finds her or himself asking questions like, "Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life?" and, when in its more advanced stages, "Am I ever going to be able to shake off this funk?"

If you or someone you know has a case of the summer career blues, get onto the path to recovery via the following:

1. Begin by taking stock of what you've learned through your career trajectory thus far. Because career enjoyment comes from a fusion of playing to strengths, engaging in meaningful relationship, and performing work in a culture that supports who you are, begin with these questions: What kind of work do I enjoy and am I good at? What kinds of people do I most like to work with? What kind of workplace environment sets me up to do my best work? The clearer you get on what you want, the sooner you'll be able to find it.

2. Start conducting informational interviews with people in fields and roles that pique your interest. Unlike a traditional interview where you are in the hot seat, in an informational interview you are requesting to speak with people in an area of interest for 20-30 minutes and pick their brains about their career trajectory, the company they work for, and their current role. Informational interviews are great way to explore new career areas, introduce yourself to key players, and in the process, market yourself.

3. Volunteer for a local nonprofit agency/community organization. Not only will making a contribution help you to feel purposeful again, it will also introduce you to a range of people in your community who may give you ideas and introductions that help connect you to your next opportunity.

Is Your 'Tribe' a Reflection of Who You Want to Be?

2010-07-03T17:03:00.002-04:00

If you're anything like me, growing up there were friends your mom thought were a good influence, or at the very least pretty benign, and then there were those 'other' friends..... the ones your mom said were bad news either for real or perceived reasons. While you might have bickered with your mom that those 'others' were just misunderstood, more often than not mother knew best. And you probably had to come home, head hung low, more than a few times when these so-called friends played a role in you making a bad decision. While you dreaded that deserved 'I told you so" from ma, you knew it was justified.

One of the seemingly liberating and exciting things about getting older is that you get to be self-directed in terms of the professional and personal relationships you pursue. You can court anyone you want as a friend, significant other, business partner, etc. And unless you've got a helicopter parent or two, you're on your own through the good, the bad, and the ugly. While the freedom can create opportunities to forge meaningful relationships with people your racial, gender, religious, or socio-economic background previously prevented you from knowing and connecting to, it's important to be aware if you are building all of your adult relationships intentionally and if they are in your best interest.

This week I experienced a huge dropping off of people in my life. I chose courage over fear and made a bold choice. Those who weren't able to push through their fear and self-interest to stand by me chose to end our relationship. Now, I'm not going to lie. There's a tremendous grieving process for me whenever close relationships end, and this week I had more than a few rounds of water works. Yet I found myself rebounding more quickly than I have from just about any professional or personal setback I can recall. Within a couple of days, I started to feel brighter, as if my body was a conduit for white, healing light. I felt more peaceful and happy. I even felt a few inches taller (and for those who've never seen me face-to-face, I'm already a proud 5'8''). I realized that when the people around you are in a different place in their social, emotional, or spiritual development, their energy can have a real stymieing impact on how you show up to life each day. Once these people lose their hold on you, you feel lighter and you can shine brighter.

As a student and practitioner of A Course in Miracles, I believe in the importance of extending love to all of the people in my life. Whether one chooses to do it because it just feels like the right or ethical thing to do or because those who do it seem to attract more abundance in all of their life spheres (e.g. financial, work, family, spirituality, leisure, etc.), it's important to recognize (as I recently have) that unconditional love, acceptance, kindness... whatever you want to call it..... does not mean that you have to sustain relationships with everyone who comes your way and takes an interest in you. In fact, if you believe in quantum physics and subscribe to the belief that like energy attracts like energy, we have a responsibility not to hold close those people whose values or ways of thinking, believing, and behaving run counter to our own. We can love them. Then, we need to release them. By doing so, we create room for nutritious people to show up and help us learn, grow, and move towards our next level of success.

I believe there are few coincidences. In the last two days, I've been asked to join the board of two organizations whose work gets me really jazzed. I connected with a brilliant artist and educator I've been trying to court as a friend for a long time. And I've had an opportunity to take stock of the closest remaining relationships in my life and see that each person is a mirror for who I want to be to the world.

My challenge for you this Independence Day weekend, should you choose to accept it, is to ask yourself: Do the relationships in my life empower me to live my best life? If you answer YES, sweet! Let these folks know how they fuel you and check-in and make sure you are being of maximum service to them. If you answered NO, or SOME, ask yourself the following: If this/these relationships are reflections to the world of who I am, how are other people perceiving me? And based on the answer(s) you awaken to, muse on: What opportunities can I harness to ensure that my relationships are setting me up to capitalize on my full potential and leave a legacy I can be proud of?

What I've Learned Thus Far....

2010-06-05T14:56:00.004-04:00

A week ago I hit one of those milestone birthdays that encourage you to take pause and reflect on what you have achieved, and more importantly, what you have learned up to the current point in your life. While the day itself was a bit of a bust, the long road trip it revolved around enabled me to muse on the top lessons I've learned thus far....

1. If you see something, say something. (The NYC Subway system might have coined the phrase to discuss terrorism, yet the applications are infinite. Truth heals the self and others. We have a responsibility to speak what we know and believe, particularly when it's scary. The fear is a good indicator that our voice is as necessary as ever!)

2. Sometimes you have to go back (e.g. to places, experiences, relationships, etc.) to get ahead.

3. Breathing heals just about everything. (So keep doing it, with increasingly slowness and depth).

4. The things that bug me most about others are indicators of what is bugging me most about myself.

5. My relationship with food is a mirror for my relationship with myself. (When I am intentional about my eating and ensuring that what I consume empowers my peak performance, attention, attitude, and audaciousness proceed organically).

6. Listen more than I talk.

7. Treat others the way they want to be treated. (This not only is pivotal for effective leadership and management; it also is the cornerstone of any thriving relationship, particularly a marriage!)

In the last few days, I've also thought through my learning bids and aspirations for the next decade or so of life. Some of them include, in no particular order-

1. Sustain the recipe for health and wellness I've created. (The more sturdy the personal foundation I create, the more "assignments" I receive to challenge me to really walk the walk. Game on, universe!).

2. Complete a sommelier course.... or through enough wine tastings/vineyard visits get really savvy about wine.

3. Live in a different country. (I'm not sure how this can work within the frame of my life. Nonetheless, it stays on the list).

4. Publish a book. (Close..... so darn close).

5. Stop trying to save other people. (Expand my belief that the universe has got my back to the universe has got others' backs).

6. Renovate a mid-century modern house and cultivate an herb and vegetable garden in its backyard.

7. Continue to tilt my ratio of laughter back to the childhood norm (700 laughs/day) versus the adult norm (under 20). -These stats come from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.

When is the last time you have stopped to take pause and identify the life experiences and wisdom you have archived through the latest chapter(s) of your life? How can you use this foundation as a launching off point for the life you are seeking to manifest for yourself in the days, weeks, months, and years to come?

When Respect and Ethics Collide, What's a Well Intentioned Leader to Do?

2010-04-29T09:15:00.000-04:00

In Five Minds for the Future, author Howard Gardner discusses the difference between respect and ethics. He states that respect is the process of understanding where other people are coming from and giving them the benefit of the doubt while ethics is fulfilling your roles (e.g., employee, parent, child, citizen, etc.) responsibly and from a place of integrity.

These two "minds" may sound synonymous or at the very least complementary; often times they are not. Respect calls for us to put ourselves in the position of another to understand why that person has taken a particular action. An ethical mind demands that we question choices and uses of power if we do not believe they are for the greater good.

How do leaders embody both minds simultaneously?

I returned to Gardner's book this week to support me in making some choices about how to proceed in a situation where I'm finding these two minds coming into conflict. And after some nice musing, I've concluded you can't and you shouldn't fuse the two. You have to layer one on top of the other.

First, you employ a nice dose of respect. You understand the context in which the person(s) made the choice. What information did they have at their disposal? What results did they seek to achieve? How did they draw on best practices or past experiences? Then you evaluate the short, and depending on how much time has transpired, long term impact of those choices. Finally, you take action based on what your head, heart, and gut tell you.

And this is where a lot of us emerging leaders feel uncomfortable. We know what we think and feel, yet we lack the experience at making an effective intervention. As a result, we come across as idealistic and self-righteous or mousy and paralyzed by fear.

And here is the really juicy opportunity to go back to Gardner. For us babes who want to save the world and find it hard to quell the desire not to go all Erin Brockovich, it's worth cycling back to respect to identify how to share our voices so that the intended listener can truly take in our feedback and hopefully take appropriate action from it. When we do this, we usually recognize the importance of approaching someone discretely, speaking from our perspective, providing a variety of evidence, and asking questions to learn more about where someone is coming from.

For developing leaders who suffer from the butterflies, Gardner can also be used. One of Gardner's other minds, the creating mind, gets developed by teasing out new ideas and proposing new practices and answers. To be a leader with Gardner's minds for the future (and I'd assert for the present- for the future is created moment-to-moment through each real time choice that we make), I call leaders who find themselves sniffing out injustice to speak out against it. Use the fear as a platform for developing creativity... for finding voice... for individually and collectively creating space for what is right to take shape.

To create this new neurological pathway takes discipline (which just so happens to be another one of Gardner's minds, fancy that). And, conveniently enough, all of this work is ultimately about synthesis, putting a range of ideas or practices together into a coherent framework for thinking and action, Gardner's final mind.

Staying Financially Resilient While Unemployed: An Interview with Jacquette M. Timmons

2010-04-07T18:49:00.002-04:00

Read an excerpt from my most recent RECRUITING NEVADA column....

I had the privilege of meeting Jacquette M. Timmons, founder and CEO of Sterling Investment Management (an investment education and financial coaching firm) during a reading of her new book, FINANCIAL INTIMACY (Chicago Review Press, 2010). I found Jacquette’s balance of financial know-how, strategies for effective communication, and humor delightful, and I’m so glad she has generously agreed to share her recipe for financial savvy in difficult times with Nevada jobseekers.

Alexia Vernon: If someone receives a pink slip, what are the questions he or she should immediately ask his/her employer?

Jacquette M. Timmons: First, if this is coming as a complete surprise, do not sign anything until you've digested the news. Even if your employer wants to wrap up things immediately and wants you to leave the premises post haste, ask for fifteen minutes to collect yourself.

Second, ask for a letter of recommendation, on company letterhead. It's best to have it in-hand or in your personal email in-box before leaving the premises. You don't want an "it's in the mail" scenario.

Third, negotiate for more severance - no matter how much they offer.

Fourth, ask them to pay your medical/health insurance for the duration of your severance. Try to delay having to pick up this expense, even if by COBRA, for as long as possible.

Alexia: When someone finds himself or herself unemployed, what's the first thing he or she should do with regard to personal finances?

Jacquette: Stop using credit cards, unless for emergency purchases or services. If tracking your money isn't a habit, now is a good time to begin this practice. Also, reduce any unnecessary life-style expenses, (e.g. if you're accustomed to going to Starbuck's everyday, start making your coffee at home during the week -- go to Starbuck's on the weekends.) Move your existing retirement account (401(k) or 403(b)) to an IRA, and to the extent possible, keep the same mutual fund holdings and maintain the existing allocation. This is not the proper time to make investment decisions, per se, but believe it or not, people often forget about retirement accounts from previous employers! Taking this step will help ensure this doesn't happen to you.

To finish reading my interview with Jacquette, CLICK HERE.

Get Rid of Your "But's"

2010-03-24T18:42:00.000-04:00

I have a confession to make. I am a recovering "but" user. I have had a lengthy history of trying to meet a listener where s/he was at, and then have sought to bring the person over to my side... "the right side." I have often done this by beginning a statement mirroring what my listener has just said and then have dropped the ole "b" bomb to segue to where I really wanted the conversation and the person I was speaking with to go. It has taken a lot of attention to stop this nasty habit and find alternative ways to communicate my intention behind my "but."

Trust me. It's been worth it!

"But" is quite possibly the most useless word in the English language. When a speaker uses it in interpersonal communication or even worse, in a presentation, it signals, among other things:

1. A lack of confidence. (The communicator has to cushion his/her real message rather than owning what s/he really wants to say.)

2. The inability to find common ground (Otherwise, the communicator would use more conciliatory language.)

3. Laziness!

For the listener, some of the consequences are:

1. Getting lost on how to take action (Often times the listener remembers what came before the "but" rather than what came after.)

2. Feeling insulted ("But" often lands as a personal affront.)

3. Lethargy. (A "but" sucks the possibility and energy from communication.)

When you find yourself wanting to interject a "but" into a statement, identify what you most want to achieve (i.e. shift the conversation to a new direction, choose the best option after brainstorming, or to anticipate an objection).

Once you know the outcome you are seeking, you can figure out the best way to substitute a "but" for what you are really attempting to say. For example:

"I hear where you are coming from; now I want you to take a breath, put what has been discussed on hold, and consider what I have to say before we finalize what to do next."

"There are a lot of possibilities for how to move forward, and I think _____ is the best one for these top 3 reasons."

"If you are anything like me, you've heard a lot of discussion around _____. It's a hot topic. And to ensure we achieve a mutually beneficial solution, I'm proposing _____."

And the most important strategy- ASK A QUESTION TO ENGAGE THE LISTENER IN COMING UP WITH A SOLUTION THAT SERVES BOTH OF YOU.

Let's see a "but" intervention teasing out this last strategy.

A manager for entry-level employees, "Josh," has just brought on a new salesperson, "Gina." Josh is thrilled about Gina's potential. She if full of infectious enthusiasm, comes with a lot of leads, has a knack for seeing opportunities where others see limitations, and most importantly, she converts prospects into clients. Josh has been giving Gina lots of carrots, and Gina has expressed her appreciation for Josh's trust and positive feedback.

Over the last couple of weeks, Gina has stopped responding punctually to Josh when she is on the road. When Josh finally gets Gina on the phone, she says, "I don't understand why I need to be in touch with you the day that you call. When I don't respond, it means I'm busy doing my job. Isn't that a good thing?"

Josh really wants to say yes, "but"..... What other options does he have?

Many managers (and let's face it, significant others, parents, and friends) find themselves in this situation all of the time- negotiating how to give another the right balance between structure and autonomy. The good news for Josh is that he didn't use "but." Instead, he did the following:

"Gina, you are a model member of the sales team. You know that. I know that. And you're right. You shouldn't always need to get back to me right away. Sometimes what I need is urgent and other times it's not. How do we ensure that we have a system in place for the time sensitive messages?"

Once Gina gets to do what she loves best, propose a solution, she's engaged in the conversation and drops any defensiveness that might have been percolating.

"Yeah, I guess I can't assume that every message isn't time sensitive, like I've been doing," Gina concedes. Is there some way you could differentiate messages for me so that if I'm busy I don't have to spend a lot of time deciphering what is pressing?"

To which Josh responds, "Sure. For the urgent stuff I can star email messages, leave a voice mail, or even Facebook you. What's your preference?"

"A text message, actually," Gina confesses. I'd like texts for the stuff you want me to respond to in an hour. Keep using email for anything that can wait a day or two. And cool it with the voicemail. I use the phone for chasing clients. I'd really prefer not to have to wade through even more phone messages than I already am."

And sure enough, Gina and Josh have not needed another check-in on their communication. And if at any point they do, Josh is clear that he will again resist the temptation to let Gina speak only to "but" her. Instead, he will solicit her participation in an amendment to the existing strategy or creation of a new one.

What opportunities can you engineer for engaging your clients, co-workers, friends, and family in providing solutions to hiccups in communication?

Start Thinking About Positive Thinking, Damn It

2010-02-15T14:03:00.005-05:00

For the last 3-ish years, I’ve lived and coached from the maxim- “Thoughts produce feelings which produce actions which produce results. Whether you’re looking to develop yourself or your employees, if you want to get a different result work backwards until you re-shape the thoughts that are motivating the process that is leading to the undesirable result.”

While finishing Marcus Buckingham’s Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently over the weekend, I realized that this process is missing a vital component. While going to the source of any problem is important to facilitate a new solution and a shift in thinking, feeling, and behavior, we do ourselves a disservice if we only ask “What is not working?” and proceed from there. As Buckingham and strengths-based leadership folks (like me!) purport, you want to reinforce the areas where one feels strong, (i.e. energized, motivated, successful) and minimize the areas where one feels weak (i.e. depleted, bored, unsuccessful). We need to apply this same premise to reshaping thoughts.

When we trace our successful results back to the behaviors, the feelings, and ultimately the thoughts that energize them, we can see where our thinking is strong. We want to identify how we can extract this strong thinking and reapply it in the instances where we concede to weak thinking. For if we muse too long on the thoughts that are undermining our success, we inevitably reproduce this thinking and miss an opportunity to multiply the thoughts (and as a consequence the feelings, actions, and results) that allow us to live strong.

So the next time you find yourself seeking to get to a new result, look at the nutritious thoughts that fuel your successful results. Rather than seeking to eliminate or reduce unproductive thinking, see how you can harness your thoughts that are working. You may be surprised by how quickly any habits of weak thinking melt away.

Why Great Teachers Make Great Leaders

2010-01-27T18:01:00.003-05:00

I know that my background designing, delivering, and evaluating participant-centered professional development programs for New York City educators prepared me deliciously for the focus of my current work- partnering with a broader range of emerging and evolving leaders to realize sustainable success in their respective businesses and careers. In Amanda Ripley's January/February 2010 The Atlantic article, "What Makes a Great Teacher?" Ripley summarizes the commonalities among great teachers. Her findings validate what I’ve always known intuitively yet have never put down in print. Being a successful teacher is one of the most important characteristics of being a successful leader. And perhaps not too surprisingly, teachers like leaders are evaluated based on the kind of measurable results they are able to actualize.

First, Ripley says that great teachers make big requests of their learners. They believe in their ability to achieve and that the most effective way to awaken underachievers’ often dormant abilities is for them to visualize success in a big, bold way.

Second, Ripley says that great teachers are constantly reinventing the way they do their work and ask learners to do theirs. She says that it’s vital to be engaged in a constant process of trying, reflecting, and trying again. Successful teachers are constant learners who make sure that they are on the lookout for what is working as much as for what is not working. When the latter emerges, they go to the root cause (e.g. their own delivery of instructions, students’ lack of foundational understanding, lack of engagement, etc.) and make the necessary changes to ameliorate it.

Third, successful teachers understand that it takes a team to achieve success. In the case of student achievement, it takes an active family. Teachers who spend a little time and energy to solicit parental participation at the beginning of a school year (by initiating phone, email, or face-to-face communication with parents/guardians at times when they are available) spend less time contacting these adults later in the year as fewer student behavioral and achievement problems emerge.

Fourth, great teachers don’t necessarily work “hard,” but they do work “smart.” They understand that while there is always some kind of work they can undertake, they organize their time around pursuing actions that are going to get the results they are seeking.

Fifth, teachers deemed successful work backwards. They understand that once you identify where you want a group of learners to be and how you will assess whether they have gotten there, you can design curriculum backwards through to your first lesson. This ensures that each element of your instructional design and delivery both build on themselves and lead to the destination at which you are seeking to arrive.

Sixth, great teachers reinforce what is in their control. This is more than employing the proverbial “the glass is half full” mentality. Thoughts fuel feelings, and feeling motivate actions. The teachers who empower their students to achieve model for them how to be resilient; they identify where their actions can facilitate change and they make their impact there. And for that which feels in anyway beyond their control, they adjust their thinking and response to those events so that their energy is positive and catalyzing success for themselves and others.

On the flipside, Ripley says that an enigmatic personality or extraordinary knowledge of curriculum have little to no bearing on teacher success. (What might that say about “great” leadership?) What’s more important is whether a teacher can shift his/her persona and style to meet the needs of his/her students. Sometimes s/he must be a cheerleader. Other times a partner. And on occasion, a disciplinarian. Similarly, a great teacher does not need to be an expert in his/her curriculum. S/he must understand how to break it down in a way that students are able to absorb it, retain it, and reapply it in future academic and professional work.

As New York City continues to recruit more and more business leaders to be principals of schools, I’m curious why so few corporations, small businesses, and government and community organizations are turning to successful educators for their next generation of leadership. Fingers crossed that this newest research not only gets into the hands of the Obama administration (which it has) but also crosses over into boardrooms, think tanks, state governments, and the SBA.

If You Open the Door, Be Ready for What Walks In

2010-01-18T19:21:00.005-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, Millennials/Y's love feedback. We frequently disengage from managers and from our work when we feel like what we are doing and who we are being is failing to leave an impact on others. One of the greatest lessons Gen-X and Baby Boomers can learn from the younger generation is not to wait to receive feedback. It's usually too late to make an adjustment when someone chooses to give it to you of their own volition; so step up and solicit it frequently.

At a professional association meeting last week I made it very clear that I wanted feedback on our programming, which I was now responsible for, as well as on my individual performance. I know that the association has a lot of room for growth; and while I'm a vision gal and could come up with a finely nuanced direction and probably motivate a good percentage of our members to come on board, I want to ensure that I'm giving people what they want and are paying some pretty steep dues for. This is the foundation of sustainable success.

Sure enough, a few people stepped up and let me know exactly what they were thinking. While their words might have had some extra adjectives and adverbs to soften their impact, the participants' non-verbals said it all. I'm not getting my needs met. I'm spending a lot of money. And if you don't make some changes quickly, I'm not sticking around to see what you're gestating.

As I tossed around what I had heard over quite a bit of the weekend, I realized that the beauty of feedback is that it enables you to know what the future holds if you just keep playing your game the way you have always played it. (In this case, some of our newest members will leave.) And for someone who's a recovering perfectionist, it's hard not to get my panties in a bundle when I recognize I need a miracle to have a shot at winning the game.

I have often faltered at this stage of the feedback process. I try to fix everything... yesterday... and burnout. Or I re-play the emotion I experienced while processing the message and get in my own way of producing a solution. I never question whether asking for feedback is the right choice. For me, it always is. I always prefer knowing what people are thinking so that I can self-correct. However, I want to get better at responding to feedback so that it doesn't just propel me "to do" but also "to be." For often times it's how I show up to problem solve and strategize that dictates how successful I will be and feel. So I've come up with 5 principles I want to carry with me as I continue to respond to the call to be a better leader for my association.

1. Identify more concretely where I (and those I'm leading) want to be; figure out how to assess success; and work backwards to figure out how to get there.
2. Share the game plan with others to solicit buy in.
3. Empower those who were most critical to be a part of the solution.
4. Check-in frequently to honor progress and clarify next steps.
5. Recognize that I can't give everyone what they want all of the time. But if I employ the previous steps, I can sure increase my odds!

Make 2010 a Year of Millennial Thinking

2010-01-07T09:00:00.001-05:00

After nearly each of my speeches or workshops this fall, at least one person (equal parts eager and irritated) would approach me and say, "I really want to shift from surviving to thriving" or "I want to recycle the box I've put around myself," but "I'm just too old. I'm not like these Millennials you talk about."

In each instance I'd reply, "Here's the good news. None of us is ever too old to correct hiccups in our path to success or create/refine the vision and corresponding strategy for where we and are companies are headed." Then, I'd follow-up by saying, "Yes, Millennials are 95-million strong and will be the largest generation working, making purchases, and casting votes by 2016. Now that you know this, you have a competitive edge. The sooner you understand, value, and adjust to our thinking, the more quickly you will create the foundation for the sustainable success you seek."

As Professor Bill George of Harvard recently declared, "We have come to realize that the economic crisis was less a matter of subprime mortgages than subprime leadership." As each us of embarks on a year of ensuring that our nation's social, economic, and environmental crises are footnotes in history rather than reoccurring themes, we are charged to develop courses of action that are informed by what we have learned from assessing professional and personal successes and shortcomings from the past. We must just as importantly take note of the ways of doing and being that are working in the present and are necessary to carry us into the future. As you go about strategic planning in your organization, small business, and career, employ these 10 facets of Millennial-thinking to activate your best leadership performance.

Strategy One: EMBRACE CHANGE
With an affinity for job hopping, Millennials have mastered the art of adapting quickly to anticipated and unforeseen circumstances. In 2010, get up and go more quickly than you did in 2009, and re-frame change from something scary or unpleasant to an opportunity to reinvent and bulldoze forward stronger and wiser than before.

Strategy Two: PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS
Millennials may have received trophies for everything short of breathing. But having competed in activities like sports and debate as soon as we were out of diapers, we also learned that not all trophies were created the same. We realized quickly where we were star players and often avoided activities where we were sub par. Identify your 2-3 top strengths and let them fuel your top goals and objectives for the year.

Strategy Three: EMPLOY A TEAM
Once you identify the areas where you do your best and most enjoyable work, identify where you could use support. Whenever I embark on a project, I ALWAYS look for a great detail-oriented person to maintain records as well as someone who is a bottom-line thinker (as I can luxuriate a little too long in the possibility phase). Millennials have been working in teams throughout their education and understand that they are the only way to actualize a vision and, most importantly, share it (and gain commitment) from those who need it most. The Obama presidential campaign understood this and used Millennials as a key tool for disseminating their message of "change" brilliantly.

Strategy Four: ASK QUESTIONS
Millennials have been asked by teachers, parents, and family friends and mentors for their opinions throughout their lives. As a result, we tend to ask a lot of questions of our supervisors, colleagues, friends, significant others, and most of all, ourselves. While answers are important, devising solutions before articulating the right questions means we engage in thinking that operates symptomatically rather than in thinking that gets to the source. If you are someone who is always looking for a quick-fix, take a deep breath, slow-down, and check-in on the questions you are asking. Ensure they align with the actions you are taking.

Strategy Five: MAKE THE PRESENT PERFECT
When you are coming of age, you tend to think about the future. When you are in your twilight years, you tend to reflect on what you have done and who you have become. When you are in your professional and personal prime, naturally, you have an easier time putting both feet down in the present. And this is exactly where you want to be regardless of where you are in your life or career! While reflection and strategizing are important, so is showing up fully and maximizing the current moment.

Strategy Six: GIVE CARROTS
Clients, customers, and most importantly, co-workers, thrive from feedback that is frequent, specific, timely, skill-based (versus personal), and action-oriented. Yes, Millennials love to be told when we have done a good job. But as Coach Suzy Rogers says, "Millennials are like sponges," and we know that to learn and grow we need to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly of our performance. Don't wait for people to come to you for an appraisal. Condition peak performance by following the aforementioned feedback guidelines. And most importantly, let your people know when they have done a good job and the why and how behind it so success can be replicated.

Strategy Seven: SUSTAIN WORK-LIFE INTEGRATION
Millennials don't believe in work-life balance. As Millennial blogger Rebecca Thorman muses, the work-life stuff is "more of a see-saw, kind of up and down, and is only ever balanced for the briefest moments." Millennials instead want a quality of life that allows for more up moments of alignment between work and life than not. We understand that having such integration is vital for health, engagement, peak performance, and overall sanity. Ensure that you and those you work with and for allot time and consideration for the achievement of work-life integration. It really is the foundation for sustainable leadership.

Strategy Eight: BE OF SERVICE
I find it ironic that Millennials are often branded the "Me" generation and yet have such high levels of community service. To facilitate change that is good for you, your business, and your global community, you don't need to travel very far. As you shift from symptom to source thinking, as discussed earlier, figure out where you can be of service and give your ideas, time, money, and other applicable resources. Sometimes the biggest opportunities to make a contribution are those right in front of you.

Strategy Nine: BALANCE SOCIAL MEDIA WITH FACE-TO-FACE CONNECTION
Millennials love their gadgets, and yet older adults are the fastest growing population on Facebook. The majority of Twitter users are Gen-X and older. Find your message. Find your audience. Connect with them the way they want to communicate. Often times this is face-to-face. (I have yet to conduct a workshop with a Millennial where I didn't facilitate buy-in from an experiential activity). And if you haven't seen the new film, Up in the Air, make sure that you do. It creatively addresses the limitations of media.

Strategy Ten: JUST DO IT!
The theory of praxis, which has grounded my current work as a coach as well as my previous work as a theatre and social justice educator, says that you must take action, reflect on it, and then take new action (or transformation) based on what you have deduced from your post-action musing. Millennials have worn Nikes as much for the slogan as for the product. Perfection is the enemy of progress and sometimes done is better than perfect. Get the answers you need and then get off your tushie and make a leap forward.

Have You Done Your End of the Year SWOT?

2009-12-07T21:52:00.002-05:00

One of my coaching clients asked at a recent session for a tool to assess her learning and growth from 2009 and set new goals for 2010. While we both are fans of Jinny Ditzler's Your Best Year Yet!: Ten Questions for Making the Next Twelve Months Your Most Successful Ever, I wanted to offer her something that enabled her to more strategically align her business and personal goals with her core values and leadership strengths.

I suggested she conduct a Personal SWOT Analysis. Traditionally, a SWOT analysis allows businesses to identify specifically the conditions of the marketplace from which they can set short-term goals and develop long-term plans. However, the same kind of thinking can be employed by individuals looking to set their own strategic professional and personal goals. And the end of a calendar year is the perfect time to look at one's life via the following 4 lenses:

Strengths- In what areas of your work and life do you both excel AND feel strong?

Weaknesses- In what areas are you NOT at the top of your game or do you feel depleted?

Opportunities- In what areas are you most likely to succeed based on your individual strengths and values, resources, and enthusiasms?

Threats- What are real and self-imposed, likely and potentially unforeseen individual, social, economic, or environmental obstacles to short and long-term success?

Based on what came up in each of the four areas:
• Where is it most important for you to focus your attention over the next year so that you are playing to your strengths 70-80% of your time and your weaknesses no more than 20-30%?

• Which 2-3 strengths and 1-2 weaknesses will be most important for you to grow based on what you’ve discovered about opportunities and threats?

• How can your 2010 goals reflect your SWOT analysis?

I Have Found My Nutritious Community

2009-11-05T13:51:00.003-05:00

Brilliant leadership coach and arts consultant, Steve Barberio, often talks about the importance of building yourself a tribe of people who share your values, vision, and professional and personal interests and enthusiasms. He calls them your nutritious community, because you feed one another on a variety of levels. (Keith Ferrazzi has done perhaps the best job of chronicling the process of building such a group in Never Eat Alone and Who’s Got Your Back.)

Many young professionals go from high school to college to career without giving much thought to who will be a part of their nutritious community. We connect with the people in our classes and in our offices, often making friends with our friends’ friends. We rarely, if ever, articulate what we are looking for in our inner circle in the way that we do with our romantic partners.

Having just relocated my home base from the New York City metropolitan area to Las Vegas, I’m acutely aware of the need for a local tribe of nutritious people. While my generationally appropriate affinity for texting, Gchatting, Facebooking, and tweeting has meant that I’m able to hold on to and in a few cases build on existing relationships, it is no substitute for sharing a glass of wine, hanging out in a coffee shop, or sweating side-by-side in Downward Facing Dog. I’m old fashioned. I still crave face-to-face experiences.

And as I have been thinking about the pretty vast network of friends I’ve built up over the years, I realized that with the exception of just a couple, I never made the choice to integrate them into my life. In fact, I’ve spent more time determining my milk substitute than whether or not most of my friends should actually be friends. And perhaps as a result, many have popped up out of convenience, in most cases have stayed for a few seasons, and then for various reasons returned to acquaintances and social media friends.

I’m intentional about so many things. Up until recently, just not friends.

There are a lot of things that happen in Vegas that stay in Vegas. One that I have experienced both times I have lived here is the feeling that there are no real people or genuine friendships to be had. For the first weeks of fall I allowed myself to buy in to this limiting belief, counting down the days before a sojourn back to the Big Apple. But somewhere in the last two months I got out of my own way and began seeking out all of the sorts of things I said I would do when I got to New York City but somewhere between graduate school, theatre rehearsals, and starting a business never did with any regularity. I returned to ballet class. I joined some eco-friendly, green alliances. I want on mid-century modern home design tours. I signed up for a vegan cooking class. I became President-Elect of the Nevada Professional Coaches Association and joined the boards/planning committees of other professional and artistic organizations that get me jazzed. And rather effortlessly, I have built myself a nutritious community that I’ve got a feeling is going to stick around for a while. For I’m clear on why I have chosen the members.

While having separation between professional and personal life is vital for work-life integration, I see that I don’t need to dichotomize my work and play friends. Most of my tribe members fit conveniently within both categories and many business opportunities have emerged as a result. I’ve become a bit cliché in some of my recent speeches and workshops, sharing that your network is everyone you know and everyone that they know. Knowing this expands restrictive notions of who you can and want to share your career aspirations and needs with. Most of my tribe members know my unique benefits statement and likewise I know theirs. And as a result, I can fulfill more core value of having meaningful relationships whether I’m working, playing, or relaxing. And regardless of what I’m doing, I’m getting to be a whole lot more.

You Know You Need a Virtual Intern When...

2009-10-30T13:32:00.004-04:00

Virtual interning can be a great, inexpensive way for young people (as well as non-traditional students/career transitioners) who may not be in metropolitan cities to gain experience with companies. It also is an effective way for companies and solopreneurs to minimize the expenses of workspace and hands on supervision. Virtual internships can be paid or unpaid and include anything from more mundane tasks like data entry and web research to internet branding/social media strategy and grant writing. Virtual interns tend to be self-motivated, thrive with minimal supervision, and can communicate well using non face-to-face mediums (e.g. email, Skype, Twitter, G-chat, etc.)

As a prospective virtual intern or supervisor, you want to be clear on the intern's primary and secondary tasks and make sure that there is enough variety to keep the intern engaged so that it's a mutually beneficial relationship. In successful virtual internship relationships, it's important for both parties to co-create the internship agreement (e.g. discuss expectations, how training will be conducted, supervision/support, medium(s) for communication, grounds for evaluation, how conflict will be negotiated should it arise, and possible next steps). Virtual interns want to walk away from the experience having provided value to the company or person and with a good reference, ideally placed on the intern's LinkedIn profile.

I love the concept of a virtual internship, although I've been reticent to take a virtual intern on. Yet, I know it's time because...

1. I have uttered the words, "When I have a virtual intern I'll launch..." half a dozen times over the last month.
2. Each time I speak with a motivated college student I envision him or her as my virtual intern.
3. I find myself increasingly speaking about the benefits of virtual internships to young people, professionals, managers, and media.
4. When an intern butchered my name and bio at a recent speaking event, I thought to myself, "My intern would never do that."
5. I spent part of a day off (Thank you Nevada for Nevada Day!) writing about my need for one!

Okey dokey. By the end of 2009, I will have a virtual intern in place to make 2010 Catalyst for Action's best year yet.

Why Gen-Y (Millennials) Should Learn About Solar

2009-09-29T13:12:00.002-04:00

Whether it’s closer to 400,000 or 1 million solar jobs that are created in 2010, as has been forecasted, numbers alone do not tell the story of why college students and recent grads want to bone up on their solar know-how. Although I’m confidant that the U.S. is still very much transitioning into a green economy, just as we entered a technology-based economy at the end of the twentieth century, solar panels have yet to become the new personal email account. Nor will they anytime soon. With our continuing recession, climbing unemployment, and millions of foreclosures still to take place as interest rates continue to reset, most Americans just can’t make the $40-$50K investment.

Nevertheless, many homeowners can and are taking advantage of the usually free home energy audits that public and private energy providers are offering. The goal of course is to sell the consumer on a range of units that cut down on energy wastage and boost efficiency. Many of these technologies- such as attic fans, pool pumps, and water heaters- run on solar energy.

As I tell college students, recent graduates, job seekers, and career transitioners whenever I speak, you always want to know and be able to communicate how you are uniquely poised to produce results that are needed and will be well compensated. You also want to ask yourself: How might I bring my strengths to the green sector? And as you continue to flesh out how green tech might utilize your experience in PR, advertising, teaching, finance, etc., get educated about solar. While those looking to do installation work will need to pass an OSHA PV Installer Licensing Exam and become a Licensed Electrician, professionals looking to start businesses, market or sell products and services, or recruit, manage, and grow talent in the green sector can take some basic courses in solar to give themselves the competitive edge.

In Las Vegas, nonprofits like Solar Forces educate community members about PV systems and solar economics. In the solar-centric Bay Area, approximately fifteen community colleges and universities such as DeAnza College and Mission College offer some kind of solar training or certification program. And for those interested in solar engineering careers, the University of Wisconsin-Madison and University of Massachusetts Lowell offer two of the most noteworthy programs.

Even Thomas Edison knew that solar was the wave of the future. He’s quote as saying, “I’d put my money on the sun and solar energy, what a source of power! I hope we don’t have to wait until oil and coal run out, before we tackle that.”

"Entrepreneurship is no longer a career field; it's a way of being": An Interview with Sarah Katyal, President of Impact Entrepreneurship Group

2009-09-14T15:15:00.007-04:00

If it were not for youth entrepreneurship initiatives, I would never have had the means or strategy to launch a nonprofit girls' leadership institute as a college sophomore. By winning the Independent Means National Youth Business Plan Competition, I connected with a community of business leaders who showed me that making a big difference and making a big living were not mutually exclusive. And I received a very generous academic scholarship to Babson College that I so wish could have been applied to an MBA! But I digress....

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Sarah Katyal, the National President of Canada's Impact Entrepreneurship Group, about Impact's programs and the evolution of youth entrepreneurship. Enjoy.

Alexia: Please tell me a little bit about Impact.

Sarah: Impact is Canada's largest non-profit, student-run organization dedicated to encouraging the entrepreneurial spirit amongst youth in Canada and becoming a starting point, as well as a catalyst, for youth interested in entrepreneurship and leadership.

We started in 2004 as a small conference in Kitchener, Waterloo. And since then, Impact has developed programs both at the national and local level. Consisting of over 100 student volunteers nationwide, Impact is dedicated to driving the entrepreneurial spirit in youth. In 2008, as the host organization for Global Entrepreneurship Week Canada, our programs have recently reached over 500, 000 young people across the country!

A: Why is entrepreneurship such an important leadership skill for Generation Y/Millennials?

S: Entrepreneurship is no longer a career field; it’s a way of being. The skills one learns from entrepreneurial endeavors provide more insight into leadership then almost any other form of leadership opportunity. What Gen-Y needs to understand about entrepreneurship is that starting a company is no longer synonymous with entrepreneurship. Starting a charity, a cause, changing existing patterns, being ambitious and innovative all fall under the umbrella of entrepreneurship.

My entrepreneurial experiences have taken me to a level of leadership that can’t be taught in a classroom. Gen-Ys/Millennials are the movers’n’shakers. They’re media savvy and want things faster than ever before. Taking charge of your own projects and your own decision making is entrepreneurial and crucial to the future of leadership.

A: One of Impact's programs that brings emerging leaders and entrepreneurs from all over the world together is the Global Youth Entrepreneurship Congress. How does a young person get involved?

S: GYEC is one of our global events offered by Impact in partnership with Global Entrepreneurship Week. Its goal is to bring like-minded youth leaders and entrepreneurs from host countries for the week to discuss, collaborate and spearhead the next generation of youth entrepreneurship.

It takes place from November 19-22^nd, 2009 in Downtown Toronto, Canada.

For a young leader interested in getting involved, s/he can visit our website which will be launched soon. But in the meantime, you can email Dave Wilkin (dave.wilkin@impact.org), our Program Chair, to find out more!

A: What are the 3 most important skills that an entrepreneur should possess?

S: Vision: Ability to think well beyond the present, to understand the strategy behind long term goals. It’s what drives the passion.

Ambition: Without that ambition, you can’t call yourself an entrepreneur. Ambition will push you past the ups and downs that you face every day.

Communication: Unfortunately, it’s the most underrated skill, but to me, one of the most important. Communication is what drives the team, the mission and the overall internal and external development.

I call these skills even if they’re more like personality traits. They help create skills you need to be an entrepreneur, the nitty gritty skills like Sales/Business Development or Finance, etc.

A: How do you envision entrepreneurship evolving as our global community continues to think about social, economic, and environmental sustainability?

S: Entrepreneurship is the answer to many of our sustainability issues. In order to tackle some of the failures of our institutions, to accommodate the new mindset of our generation, as well as social and environmental issues still in existence, we must create and focus on new ideas, new programs, and innovative solutions. Hence, entrepreneurship is the backbone behind these solutions.

A: What's on tap for Impact over the next 2-5 years?

S: Impact is working on a couple of new projects and hoping to grow these into programs across Canada and potentially with global partners.

We’re looking to start one of our most exciting programs to date, the Impact Ventures program, sometime in 2010. This is the Canadian spin-off of the successful Y-Combinator model. It’s a 12-week incubator whereby entrepreneurs receive funding, mentorship, resources and participate in weekly lunches and learn to connect and discuss individual company challenges. The goal is to develop viable products for funding.

A: Thank you, Sarah.

To learn more about Impact's programs, to volunteer, or to make a donation to ensure that our next generation of global leaders succeed, visit Impact Entrepreneurship Group online. To connect to other entrepreneurs harnessing their values, strengths, enthusiasms, and resources to create businesses that make a positive social, economic, and environmental impact, check out:

1. Net Impact
2. NFTE- Teaching Entrepreneurship to Youth
3. Echoing Green
4. Skoll Foundation
5. Young Women Social Entrepreneurs

Empathy is the New Assertive

2009-09-03T13:56:00.004-04:00

It’s a really exciting time to be a feminine leader. And by feminine, I don’t necessarily mean female- for many of the most successful women leaders have been female without choosing to show the slightest inkling of femininity. While there’s much to laud Hetty, Hillary, and Martha for, embodying traditionally female characteristics in their leadership style isn’t one of those reasons.

Although I’m a product of an all-girls secondary school and majored in and have taught women’s studies, I’ve still spent a lot of my educational and professional life establishing myself as a leader in a patriarchal society without abandoning such traditionally female values as compromise, nurturance, and humility. And while I’m by no means suggesting that patriarchy is a thing of the past, everyday I become more aware of how our national definition of “good” leadership is evolving. And I couldn’t be happier.

President Obama’s election was a pivotal moment in this transition into a new era of leadership. One that now privileges grassroots-coalition building to maverick hawkishness. President Obama says, “I’m sorry,” when he feels he’s made a mistake. He’s preternaturally calm. He feels comfortable sitting in the unknown. And he exhibits equal amounts of empathy for those who are with him, against him, and more often than not, for the folks situated in the necessary and often underutilized gray space between these two poles.

In A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future, Daniel H. Pink posits that successful leaders across industries in our current conceptual age will need to hone six senses to cultivate sustainable success: design, story, symphony, play, meaning, and empathy. While all six of these senses privilege more feminine ways of knowing and being, and Pink says one competency is not more important than the others, it’s hard not to walk away from A Whole New Mind seeing empathy as a foundation and catalyst for the other senses. Pink defines empathy as:

the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s position and to intuit what that person is feeling. It is the ability to stand in others’ shoes, to see with their eyes, and to feel with their hearts…. Empathy is a stunning act of imaginative derring-do, the ultimate virtual reality- climbing into another’s mind to experience the world from that person’s perspective.

I’m totally jazzed to think about one day bringing a child into the world who gets to see male and female leaders across sectors with finely developed EQ’s. And I hope that this revolution in leadership values starts a chain reaction of positive movement into how we socialize girls and boys in the first place.

And in the meantime, I feel very grateful to be able to show up to my life each day and finally have my authentic leadership style valued!

No Regrets. But If I Had A Do-Over I Wish I’d Known…

2009-08-26T17:38:00.002-04:00

It’s been nearly a month since my last blog post, meaning I’ve utterly violated my principle of posting at least once per week. However, I can’t imagine having had a better time NOT blogging. Over the last third of the summer I’ve had the opportunity to meet some amazing emerging and evolving leaders as I’ve traveled to a variety of campuses and conferences speaking and training on the intersections of leadership, career, the green economy and millennials. One of the questions I’ve been asked repeatedly, particularly from high school and college students has been, “What do you wish you’d known when you were my age?”

Although I try never to play the coulda-woulda-shoulda game, I’d be a liar if I claimed that there’s not umpteen lessons I’ve learned the hard way regarding everything from dorm living (which I have done more of as a speaker and trainer than I ever did as a college student) and entry-level employment to adult friendships and romantic partnerships. I’ve had the opportunity to think through a lot of my aha moments as I’ve been continuously asked to share them, and here are my top four.

1. This too shall pass.
It’s so easy, particularly when we’re young, to think that a situation demands all of our emotion and focus. Whether it was a spat with my BFF or a bombed test, I wish I could have more often remembered that the awfulness was temporary. While I may not have been able to control others’ behavior, I could control what I learned from the situation and how quickly I “chose” to redirect my attention to people, thoughts, and situations that propelled me forward. Here’s your chance to learn the lesson it took me many tries to get once and for all. When you find yourself in a troubling situation, identify what choices you can make, make them, and then move on.

2. Surround yourself with people who represent the kind of person you aspire to be.
I’ve heard a lot of coaches say that they look for opportunities where they are the dumbest people in the room. While I’m not terribly interested in ever feeling as dumb as I did in my NYU Feminist Theory of Performance graduate seminar, I do enjoy associating with colleagues and friends who illuminate where I’d like to be rather than reminding me of where I’ve been. It’s important to surround yourself with people who inspire you to achieve your own version of excellence and who treat others the way they want to be treated. Human beings are sponges. Be intentional about who and what you’re soaking up.

3. Keep it simple smarty.
One of my coaching clients recently shared with me a philosophy that changed my professional and personal life- The best ideas are the simplest ideas. I have a tendency to over plan, speak rather than ask and listen, and take on so many things that I don’t create as great of an impact as I would if I figured out where I could best apply my strengths to produce the most value. Whether launching a party, a project, or an entire organization, muse long and smart on how to focus your efforts to facilitate the biggest bang.

4. Fear is a good thing as long as it catalyzes rather than paralyzes.
Somewhere along the way I must have gotten a memo that said fear is a bad thing. Although I felt it often- when I took to the stage, gave a speech, or went on a first date- I always assumed it was something to move through as quickly as possible. This often meant backing away from opportunities others presented or I could have created. I’m thrilled that the older I get the more fear I experience. But it’s a different sort of feeling now. It makes me feel alive, resilient, and signals that I’m on track for leaving a legacy of my own design. For I’ve learned that I, like most people, do my best work when I push myself outside of my comfort zone. It means I’m moving forward rather than going in circles or worse, staying exactly where I am.

Interview with Deborah King, Author of TRUTH HEALS

2009-07-27T15:14:00.003-04:00

Every once and a while, a book comes along that shakes me into asking questions about myself, my experiences, and how I can and must take action based on my new learning and growth. Deborah King's book, Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You, is one such book. I've had the pleasure of interviewing Deborah on how telling the truth heals across contexts. Enjoy.

Q: Kindly tell Generation We readers a little bit about the book.

A: Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You (Hay House 2009), a national bestseller, answers the question: How could the truth change your life? It probes the naked unadulterated truth and its powerful impact on the emotional and physical issues you encounter every day. Truth Heals is a fascinating read, a combination of juicy personal memoir, fun celebrity examples, and solid information that connects the dots between your emotions and your health and happiness.

Q: What are the top 3 reasons millennials (the generation born between 1980-2000) need to read your book?

A: Millennials will inherit a world changed forever by the current economic crisis, global warming, fundamentalism and terrorism—all of which are in their face 24/7 with non-stop media and social networking. Within that framework, they will have to be able to discern what information is true and valuable for them and how to thread their way along an individual path to health and happiness. Truth Heals will:

1) Show them where truth lies inside themselves and how to access it;

2) Connect any physical problem they are having to the appropriate energy behind it so it can be released and healed; and

3) Give them an understanding, through celebrity examples, of why it’s so important to acknowledge and release any emotions hidden inside.

Q: What professional and personal experiences led you to the healing field and most informed your healing theories and practices?

A: Two major personal experiences led me onto the path of healing: one was my experience of being healed from cancer when I was in my mid-twenties, and the other was my husband’s long road to recovery from a brain injury (received when he fell while we were mountain climbing), which conventional medicine couldn’t treat. In both instances, I turned to alternative medicine in the search for wellness, which put me squarely on my path of training in that field.

The first experience that most informed me was learning to meditate. I found that the regular practice of meditation (and I’ve never skipped a day) creates clarity at a level difficult to describe. Once I had that clarity, I was able to evaluate various healing modalities. I began training with an esoteric American group of healers, in, of all places, Reno. Later, I joined that same group at their San Francisco campus where I continued my apprenticeship. After spending over 10 years with them, I moved on to training in and later teaching a healing system that works with the chakra system and the human energy field.

Now, many years later, having worked with thousands of people in live events across the country, I’ve seen the powerful ways in which the truth can heal on many different levels.

Q: How does somebody actually know when s/he has healed?

A: We are all in a life-long process of dealing with painful emotions that threaten us and can become buried in our psyche and body, manifesting as addictions, depression, and the like, and finally physical disease. We may not always be able to heal the physical illness (although it is much more possible than people imagine), but we can take the first step by healing our emotions. When we are able to acknowledge what we are feeling and let it flow through and out of us, instead of denying and holding onto the pain, we have healed the biggest obstacle to our health and happiness. When you feel free, you are on the path to healing.

Q: What role, if any, does telling the truth have on our ability to forgive?

A: Forgiveness is possible only when we have released the emotional pain in our own hearts, which requires being truthful about what we’re feeling. Here are three quick “fill in the blanks” to see what is necessary to be able to forgive:

1) I am afraid to consider forgiving _______because_________;

2) I would like to be forgiven for ____________; and

3) If I could bring myself to forgive ___________, I would say_____________.

Q: What are the 3 most significant ways that people fail to tell the truth in the workplace? What's the impact?

A: It all comes down to the same thing: no one wants to be rejected or not loved and appreciated. . . or fired. In the workplace, this means that people may try to 1) make themselves appear to know more than they really do—they fake it, 2) manipulate bosses, co-workers, or clients in order to look better or to get ahead, or 3) cover up their mistakes by blaming others. All of this makes it harder to get the job done, and slow down the work process. It’s far better to go beyond the fear and say, I don’t know how to do this part, can you show/teach me how?

Q: One of the chief areas in which young people struggle to tell the truth is in disclosing incest. You state that 80% deny it. (1/3 girls and 1/5 boys are the reported incidences). As a fellow sexual abuse survivor who knows that telling the truth healed me, what recommendations do you offer survivors and families for shifting this trend when so often perpetrator and victim are in the same family?

A: First, let’s talk about the situation where the abuse happened, has now ceased and you are no longer living under the same roof as the perpetrator. The first thing to do in order to heal from the trauma is to acknowledge the truth by telling someone what happened. Choose someone you trust to talk to who is qualified —a school counselor, a nurse, a teacher. It’s crucial to know that you can put this experience behind you, just like I did. I don’t recommend that you confront family unless and until you feel totally ready. In my own case, more than 20 years passed before I felt ready, and it was still quite a challenge. Many of the people I work with choose never to confront; it’s very much an individual decision. In addition to talking about the experience, I recommend therapy (again, with someone who is qualified). Sometimes, writing about the experience, or expressing your feelings artistically, is a great way to achieve healing. (That’s one reason why I wrote about my experiences of incest in Truth Heals). There are also some really good books out there; you can check out the resource section on my website, http://www.deborahkingcenter.com/resources, for a list of suggested reading material.

If you are still living with your family and/or still subject to abuse, you’ll not only want to immediately tell someone outside your family (again, a school nurse, counselor or teacher would be good choices), but you’ll want them to talk to someone in authority (not the perpetrator) in your family. It’s key that you be protected from the risk of further abuse; don’t worry about the repercussions from disclosure in this instance. My experience working with both victims and perpetrators in the same family is that once the cat is out of the bag, things begin to sort themselves out. Many times, we’ve all been surprised by the willingness of a perpetrator to seek treatment. So often, the perpetrator has a similar story of their own to tell of the abuse they received at the hands of one of their family members when they were young. Child sexual abuse will continue to be repeated from one generation to the next unless and until we speak out; it’s the truth that breaks the pattern and frees the generations that follow.

9 Words I'm Sick of Using

2009-07-13T17:07:00.004-04:00

The more that I speak, coach, train, and write, the more I realize that I rely on a just a handful of words for the majority of my communication. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these words, and it’s not as if I’m saying them to the same people over and over again each day, over the last few weeks I’ve been finding my creativity stymied. And I suspect it may by my eagerness to go to my comfort words both in my oral and written communication that’s locking me up.

So last night, while having a few friends over for a couple’s fondue party, I gave myself the challenge to use words I don’t typically have reason to say when appropriate to the topic being discussed. While I discovered that sometimes using a familiar word or phrase is necessary (I got a lot of puzzled looks when I said octogenarian when older adult would have sufficed), I’m nevertheless going to try my darndest NOT to use the following 9 words through the end of the workweek (except for in my Future Proof Your Potential Group Coaching Tele-class. I can’t talk about authentic pitching without saying at least half of these) and see what I learn.

1. Authenticity
2. Branding
3. Possibilities
4. Discover (Yes, I said this above. I’m starting my experiment once this posts.)
5. Networking
6. Millennial(s)
7. Integrity
8. Aha (I know this isn’t a word, but trust me, it deserves a place on this list!)
9. Payoff

Do you ever find that you are recycling the same words and phrases in your communication?

Is it solely out of routine? Professional necessity? Or might there be some unchecked employer/client/people pleasing in effect?

Please share your insights!

Why Michelle Obama is Good for Millennial/Gen Y Women

2009-07-01T16:33:00.005-04:00

1. She lives in integrity.
A person who lives in integrity consistently shapes her beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions from her core values. Michelle Obama is the quintessential integrity-driven leader. She has been able to be Mother-in-Chief while still championing the causes she cares about most- education, health and wellness, military families, and education, among others.

2. She has exploded the definition of sexy.
Michelle Obama dances effortlessly between J. Crew, Isabel Toledo, Narciso Rodriguez, and Jason Wu. Her arms have earned her respect throughout the world. But the First Lady hasn’t just buffed up her physique. She’s also flexed many a cognitive muscle. She graduated cum laude from Princeton and magna cum laude from Harvard Law School. But her ultimate sex appeal has come from fusing her commitment to social justice with the ability to command a six-figure salary. Sexy is finding your calling, letting it catalyze a career, and bringing home the bread. And knowing that while you don’t need to apologize for staying out of the kitchen if you can best provide value elsewhere, you can still whip up a mean apple cobbler and shrimp linguine if/when you get the urge.

3. She Has Re-envisioned Work-Life Balance
Michelle Obama understands that while a woman can “have it all,” she can’t have it all at the same time. When asked in Time’s June 1st “The Meaning of Michelle” why she would sacrifice her career for her husband, the First Lady pushed back by saying, “I’m 45 years old. When this is over and my kids are grown… I’ll still be in the prime of my professional life, as far as I see it… That’s a whole lot of good years of doing a whole bunch of things…that fit into my particular line of work.” She understands that her current situation is a rarity, a blessing, and possible only because of the team she has assembled from her mother to her chief of staff. Michelle Obama has sought to extend some of the work-life balance she has cultivated for herself to working parents by advocating for their flextime, sick leave, and on-site child care.

4. She Understands that Real Women Live in the Underutilized Space Between Castrating Bitch and Kewpie Doll
Michelle Obama can get angry. Racism, abuses of power, and childhood poverty are just a smattering of the injustices that get her goat. Michelle Obama can also come across as a love-struck schoolgirl when canoodling with the President. Or one of the gals when lunching and laughing with her staff. But more often than not, she comes across as living somewhere between the poles of the good girl/bad girl dichotomy that so many public women get restricted and defined by. Her authenticity to show up to each day exactly as she feels shows young women that it is not only okay but also vital to surrender to the range of emotions that comprise the human experience. And to resist playing into another’s first impression or stereotype. Find Brand You and live her at 150%.

5. She Gets That Real Privilege Begins with Education
While Michelle Obama often touts herself as the product of the Chicago Public Schools, she is aware that the opportunity for a similar education is not available to many lower income and working class families of color today. During her February 2, 2009 address to the Department of Education staff she said, “I am committed, as well as my husband, to ensuring that more kids like us and kids around this country, regardless of their race, their income, their status, the property values in their neighborhoods, get access to an outstanding education.” The First Lady understands that it’s millennials, who will be the largest generation at work by 2012, who “Will close the gap between the world as it is and the world as it should be.” And she is determined to ensure that whether young people come into the world with a pewter or platinum spoon that they have an opportunity to get the education necessary to have a voice in this process.

6. She Listens as Effectively as She Speaks
The First Lady is incomparable at showing up to any audience and sharing her message in whatever way she needs to so that her audience can really listen and take action afterwards. However, she also is a masterful listener. I love to watch her nonverbal cues when others are speaking. She absorbs what they are saying with her whole body. I always get the sense that she not only hears the language that is being spoken but also what the person is not saying but nevertheless is thinking and feeling. This is one of the most important ingredients to effective leadership, and Michelle Obama models beautifully how to do it.

My Interview with Gabrielle Bernstein, Founder of HerFuture.com

2009-06-17T09:07:00.002-04:00

I had the privilege of sharing my musings on millennial women's leadership with Gabrielle Bernstein, Founder of HerFuture.com this week. I've included highlights from the interview below. To read our entire interview, join the HerFuture.com network as a mentor or mentee.

Gabrielle: How do you define leadership?

Alexia: It's really the mission statement of my company- harnessing your values, strengths, enthusiasms, and resources to lead people towards solutions that are successful, sustainable, and make a positive social impact. Good leadership is authentic leadership. You start with who and what you are, and then you can build a team of people who are ready to go on the journey with you.

G: What is the number one tip you'd give a young woman in this economy?

A: Breathe, and then bulldoze forward. It's so easy to lose one's sense of self with the constant bombardment of crisis messages being fed to us right now. The reality is that perfection is the enemy of progress. There is no such thing as the perfect resume, the perfect cover letter, the perfect LinkedIn profile, or the perfect tweet. Get your networking materials in order. But more importantly, get out there, ask good questions, provide value, and figure out how to share what you know with others in a way that is irresistibly attractive.

G:What are employers saying about Generation Y/Millennial employees?

A: They believe that we have infectious enthusiasm. An insatiable desire to learn and grow. Can multi-task and pitch ideas until we're blue in the face. However, a lot of employers believe that these assets can also be limitations. There's a stereotype that we want it all yesterday, and that when we don't get it, we tune out and under perform. The key to building and sustaining professional success is knowing how to shape our curiosity, eagerness, and desire to produce innovative, valuable results in a way that enables us to solve the short and long-term problems are employers experience. Unfortunately, we can't just align our strengths and interests with our own agenda.

G:What tips would you offer to young women who want to be leaders but have a hard time seeing themselves this way?

A: Make a list of the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and attitudes you are carrying around with you on a daily basis. Note the ones that are enabling you to get in your own way of being an effective leader (e.g. I get nervous when I speak in front of a crowd or I don't have anything to contribute yet). Re-shape them into statements that unlock possibilities rather than reinforce limitations (e.g. Each time I speak in public, I'm sharing my value or I'm really great at nurturing the talent in others so that's what I'm going to focus on). Then, figure out your strengths- I highly recommend doing the assessment associated with Clifton's StrengthsFinder 2.0- and make sure that you build yourself a career where you are able to play to these strengths the majority of the time. As a culture, we think that we should focus on overcoming our weaknesses. While there's nothing wrong with re-framing these areas as "opportunities for growth," the research has proven that we will always grow the most in our areas of our strength. So that's what we should focus on.

G: Your mantra is "You have to show up at 100% to play at 100%." What are 3 ways you recommend women can be leaders in their everyday life?

A:Because I believe that good leaders are successful, sustainable, and make a positive social impact, I'm going to give you one strategy per category.
1) To be successful- I believe that our greatest successes come when we collaborate with others. Each day, invest in playing at work, at home, and in the community with a power posse behind you. A team thrives when each member fulfills a different role based on his/her unique strengths. Know what you do best, and surround yourself with people who possess a different, complimentary set of strengths.
2) To be sustainable- If you want to grow others, you must grow yourself first. Stress is so last millennia. Work-life balance is the rage now. Lead by example in this area by investing in your self-care. Make sure you schedule at least 30 minutes each day to relaxing and renewing.
3) To make a positive social impact- Recycle the Box. While this can be literal (I challenge all leaders to make choices that are good socially, economically, and environmentally), I also mean this figuratively. We put boxes around what we can achieve all of the time. It's not enough to break down those boxes. We need to throw them up in the air and not hold on to them until we've re-shaped the box into an object that launches us to success.

Discover your future or help a young woman connect with hers. Join HerFuture.com.

Green Jobs: What They Are and Where to Look for Them Part I

2009-06-03T16:04:00.003-04:00

Here is an excerpt from Part I of my series for EmploymentBlawg.com on green jobs. To read the entire post, please CLICK HERE.

Take a Look at These Real Job Openings

Analyst
Technical Billing/Financial Analyst with 3+ years of experience to support performance based energy conservation program. Requires BS in Engineering or Accounting. Specific experience in analysis of energy savings calculations a plus. LEED or CEM certifications also desired.
Pay: $28-$33/hour.
Horticultural Society Community Environmental Educator
Community environmental educator to engage children and teens of local schools in growing own organic food and exploring important role of plants in our lives. Applicants should have horticulture/science and teaching experience, excellent communication and problem solving skills, and have worked in diverse, community environment.
Pay: $35,000-$40,000.
Environmental Engineer Position with Environmental Protection Agency
Drinking water contaminant control research team leader. Requires engineering degree, at least one year of specialized experience comparable in difficulty and responsibility to federal GS-12 grade level, and successful completion of written test.
Pay: $83,523.00 to $108,582.00.
Rising Sun Energy Center Hiring Sustainable Operations and Office Manager
501 (c)(3) organization provides comprehensive energy-efficiency services and education. Full-time exempt position performing key operational and financial support. Bachelor’s degree or equivalent required, with undergraduate coursework in environmental policy/science, finance, non-profit management or business administration a plus.
Pay: $40,000-$50,000/year.

What Do These Jobs Have in Common? They Can All Be Considered “Green Jobs.”

While there are nearly as many different definitions of a green job as there are new green job opportunities, at its core, a green job is a position that stimulates the economy, makes a positive social impact, and is good for the environment.

Such positions are cropping up in corporations, nonprofits, small businesses, the government, think tanks, elementary and secondary schools, and universities across the country.

They can be found in such seemingly disconnected fields as business and finance, construction, renewable energy, education, marketing, law, city planning, fashion design, and hospitality, among others.

Even if your field has yet to be impacted by our nation’s transition to a green economy, keep reading. For it will.

Presidential Leadership, the Stimulus Act, and Green Jobs

While it may feel easy to get lost in the constant onslaught of green job spin, Kermit the Frog is singing a new tune these days because it’s never been easier bein’ green (and getting paid to do it!)

CLICK HERE to finish this article.

3 (of the Hundreds) of Assumptions NOT to Make About Millennial Brides

2009-05-18T08:00:00.002-04:00

I had the good fortune to facilitate the wedding of a dear friend (and one of my first coaching clients!) on their beautiful tropical island a few weeks ago. With my first anniversary just three months away, stepping back into marriage land resurrected some marital musings I never previously got around to sharing.

Now if you’ve made one or more of the following assumptions about me or another millennial bride, don’t berate yourself. But do take a moment and reflect on what values, feelings, ideologies and experiences have shaped your assumptions. And play around with sculpting some new, less limiting ways of thinking.

1. We’ve changed our names. Call me naïve or perhaps just severely clouded by my disdain for post-feminism, but for a while, I really did find this one shocking. If Gloria Steinem and Jessica Valenti could opt into the brides’ club without losing their “F” cards and identities, surely little ole Lex could. Plus, growing up at least half of a dozen of my friends’ moms had hyphenated their last names or kept their “maiden” ones. And most Gen-X and Gen-Y men, even if they don’t self-identify as feminists, nonetheless support the movement’s goals for social, political, and economic equity. Yet, I’m consistently referred to as Mrs. O not only by solicitors (who I understand have been trained to make this assumption in an attempt to be PC and not suggest I’m living in sin with the man of the house), but also by my accountant (who incidentally also tried to credit my business earnings to my husband), former co-workers, oh yeah, and the majority of my extended family members. I never realized how much I delighted in my last name until so many people I know have tried to take it away from me.

2. When we register with a charity, we somehow secretly want you to give us money. This one really gets me. Why do so many people who know me think that I wouldn’t just register with a traditional store or open a special donation-friendly savings account if I wanted them to contribute to my domestic happiness? As long as there are almost 3 million homeless American youth each year (approximately 1% of the American population) and almost 1 billion people worldwide who are illiterate (most of them women and girls), I really can do without a new bread maker. Sorry honey. I love that marriage can bait so many into wanting to donate in the spirit of love. But if the happy couple asks you to give to a charity, gosh darn it, do it! Whether you know me or not, please consider giving to Mr. O’s and my favorite two charities- Reciprocity Foundation and Room to Read. What’s more “sacred” than giving young people a chance at success?

3. We’re not still critical of marriage. You betcha, I’ve still got my beefs. I’m not particularly excited to inherent my partner’s credit rating. Nor can I feel totally comfortable reaping a variety of benefits (and by variety, I mean thousands) from an institution that doesn’t have a place for so many of my dearest friends. Making the decision to legally marry my partner by no means indicates that I find marital critiques old-school. But over the years, I’ve recognized that opting out of things I don’t like rather than seeking to remedy them is lazy and anti-activist. I like to believe that I’m remodeling the institution one day at a time through engagement to my partner, my work, my friendships, and to my local and global community.

If you’re a millennial bride, what assumptions have your friends, family and colleagues made about you? What assumptions have you made about yourself that perhaps aren’t serving you so well? What’s the payoff for re-defining marriage from within the institution rather than from the outside in?

10 Strategies for Moving from Entry-Level to Management

2009-04-26T18:11:00.003-04:00

An excerpt from TheGradspot.com

Up until somewhere between September and October 2008, just as the financial and housing crises spread like wildfire throughout the American economy, millennial entry-level employees had it made. We could make big requests of our employers and be confidant that our companies would honor them, meet us three-fourths of the way, or we could give our two weeks and bounce to our next job. As Penelope Trunk points out in her book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules of Success, most young professionals have had 8 jobs by the age of 32, and this predilection for job hopping has allowed us to advance our salaries and job titles more efficiently than most preceding generations. But unless millennials want to indefinitely live at home with ma and pa, the days of moving out (as in to another company) when we can no longer move up have been put on hold.

Smart companies, which really are the only ones you want to be working for, recognize that young professionals bring with them a lot of energy, fresh thinking, and technological savvy, and they will consider us for leadership positions. However, as promotional opportunities are harder to come by not only externally but also internally, emerging leaders must be more strategic about proving their leadership potential. Following these 10 tips will enable you to quickly and creatively close the gap from entry-level employee to manager.

1. Show Up with a Smile. Humans, even your supervisor, enjoy sharing their days with happy people. While many young professionals kvetch about the weather or their exhaustion as a way to make small talk, this persistent drizzle of complaint can taint others’ perceptions of them. Learn how to shift limiting beliefs into possibilities and a snarky attitude into a positive, inspiring one. Plus, happiness is contagious. It’s great to be remembered as the person who started the chain reaction of positive employee energy.

2. Provide Value. One of the most important things a young professional can do is be of use. It enables you to develop the value of service, learn new things, and make a positive impact on your staff. Identify the needs of your teammates and supervisors, and figure out how you can play a supportive role in helping them get their jobs done. Sometimes this means lending a hand before you’re asked on such unsexy things as direct mail campaigns or by overseeing the company potluck food sign-up list. Other times it means sending along an industry article or recommending a colleague for an internal position s/he would be right for. Try providing value both ways to prove that you are a team player AND a rising star.

3. Ask Questions. Many young leaders believe that leading others is about telling them what to do. A good leader whether in management or executive leadership strives to develop more leaders not more followers. Hone this important skill now by being curious, empowering others to find their own solutions, and resisting coming to a premature conclusion before all facts are known and ideas are tested. A good question asks for one piece of information, enables respondents to draw on their beliefs, experiences, and knowledge, and encourages people to transfer their insight into action.

To finish reading this post, please CLICK HERE.

Leveraging Your Strengths: An Interview with Personal Branding Expert Dan Schawbel

2009-04-19T11:55:00.010-04:00

Strengths are the specific, task-based activities that we excel in and that make us feel strong. Awakening to and capitalizing on one's strengths is a lifelong process. As Jenifer Fox says in her outstanding book, Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them, it necessitates "peeling back the layers of preferences until you arrive at an understanding." But of course, the results are worth it. As Marcus Buckingham, the leading strengths-based expert has revealed, those who play to their strengths at least 75% of the time do the best work and have the greatest levels of professional and personal satisfaction. Unfortunately, only 2 out of 10 people have discovered how to play to their strengths on this regular of a basis.

I recently had the opportunity to interview personal branding expert Dan Schawbel about how, at a time when many millennials are worried about their futures and having quarter-life crises, he is playing to his strengths on a daily basis, making a tremendous impact, and enjoying life.

Dan, how does your work as a personal branding expert enable you to play to your strengths?

My strengths are focused on personal branding using social media tools, which also allows me to do my day job at EMC Corporation because the same branding strategies that work for people also work for corporate and product brands. I understand what works and what doesn't work because I used to make a lot of mistakes and now I can implement branding strategies that make a business impact. Being a personal branding expert, I've become a go-to-person for these skills, so that people seek me out, instead of me having to write sales pitches.

You discovered how to live your passion at an early age. What experiences and relationships helped you to awaken to your strengths?

I've been practicing personal branding for years, not understanding that there was a concept behind it. I learned graphic design and website development in middle school and then marketed myself to get eight internships between the end of high school and college and finally, went through eight months of hell to get a product marketing job when I graduated. All of this was without understanding or using my network. I had a personal branding toolkit, which included a business card, website, custom cover letter and resume and a CD portfolio. They all helped me stand out. I had an awakening on March 14, 2007 after I read Tom Peter's "Brand Called You" article. I realized that Tom's words were nearly identical to what I had been preaching all along. In that moment, I noticed that no one my age was talking about this great concept, so I claimed the niche and still own it today.

Have you ever had or undertaken work where you learned that you were not playing to your strengths? If so, what did that feel like? How did you use that information to make choices that supported you better in the future?

I took an internship in sales, yet had no interest in sales or any skills to help me be successful at it. I think it was a good experience because it made me tougher and helped me decide that I didn't want that type of position later in life.

Can you share 3 questions you muse on when deciding if a professional or personal opportunity supports your strengths and is worth taking?

Am I truly passionate about that opportunity or am I doing it for the money?
Will this opportunity help advance my career?
Does this opportunity fit into my overall long-term brand strategy?

What are 3 strategies/tips you recommend for incorporating one's strengths into a personal brand?

Figure out what your strengths are.
Highlight them on your website, blog and on social networks.
In interviews, always talk about your strengths as much as you can and how they help fulfill the job you're applying for

You just finished writing Me 2.0: Build a Powerful Brand to Achieve Career Success, the comprehensive, go-to book for all things personal branding. How has writing the book, getting it published, and ensuring it gets into the hands of those who can benefit from it enabled you to play to your strengths?

Most authors don't sell books they write because they rely on the publisher to market the book for them, which isn't reality. Since I've been building my blog readership, my mailing lists and my social networks for over two years, marketing the book wasn't that difficult. Branding is about having a long-term strategy. I built relationships, because marketing exists through people, with journalists and bloggers for a few years and then asked them to write about the book when it was released. Also, I ensured that I owned the Google results for Me 2.0, because I knew people would be googling it when the book came out to find out more information.

What are your top 3 recommendations for emerging leaders looking to figure out their strengths and harness them in their careers?

Write down a list of what you enjoy doing and what you don't enjoy doing.
Get feedback from your network as to what your strengths are.
Do some research online.

Want to know more about Dan and how to adapt his personal branding advice for your career or company? Pick up a copy of Me 2.0. I just finished it this weekend and it's a spectacular read, cram packed with action-oriented strategies that, when implemented, will enable you to capitalize on your expertise and share it with those who need it most.

About Dan
Dan Schawbel is the leading personal branding expert for Gen-Y. He is the author of the bestselling career book, “Me 2.0: Build a Powerful Brand to Achieve Career Success (Kaplan, April 2009).” With over 150,000 results for his name in Google, Fast Company calls Dan a “personal branding force of nature.” He is the founder of the Personal Branding Blog®,which was the #1 job blog by Careerbuilder in 2008, is an AdAge top 100 marketing blog and is syndicated by Reuters, Forbes, Fox Business and other major networks. Dan is also the publisher of Personal Branding Magazine®, head judge for the Personal Brand Awards® and director of Personal Branding TV®.

Top 10 Company Benefits to Take Advantage Of at Your First Job

2009-04-03T11:27:00.004-04:00

Today's guest post is from Chris Schonberger, editor-in-chief of Gradspot.com.

Here’s today’s pop quiz: Would you rather have a job that pays $45K a year with no benefits, or one that pays $40K a year with full benefits?

Maybe if you really need extra money in your pocket right now to pay off your student debt—and you are also a character from Heroes who doesn’t need health insurance—then maybe you could make an argument for the $45K offer. But for the most part, benefits offer a huge amount of added perks that more than make up for a slightly lower salary.

And the best part is, there are often a lot more benefits than newcomers to the workplace realize. To make sure you don’t miss out on a cent, here are the Top 10 Company Benefits to Take Advantage Of at Your First Job.

1) Healthcare. This is the biggie—landing a job that covers health insurance significantly helps out your bottom line each month. The key is to pick the right plan and doctor. Remember that when HR plops a book of 1,000 doctors on your desk on the first day, you don’t need to choose right away. Take your time to do some research, and be sure to check out these articles on understanding healthcare and choosing a doctor.

2) 401Ks. If health insurance is the most valuable company benefit, 401(k)s are the most undervalued. A401(k) enables you to take money you’ve earned and deposit it into an investment account before you get taxed on it. Many companies will also match your contribution up to a certain level, thus doubling your savings. You may be freaked out by the news that tons of people have seen their 401(k)s wiped out in economic downturn, but unless you think America is going to crumble like Rome, you should still takes saving seriously. The stock market has always grown significantly over any 40-year period in history.

3) Free Cell Phones. Many companies provide their employees with Blackberries and cell phone plans. A lot of people get kind of uncomfortable at the thought of the company having access to all their call logs, messages, and minute usage. And trust me, a Blackberry from a company is not that cool—it just means you’ll be expected to respond to emails from your boss at midnight. Still, it can save you money to use it as your main phone. Ask others in the office to get a sense of how strict your company about using the phone for personal use. If you need more privacy, consider accepting the company plan then getting your own phone on the side with a scaled-down plan. In fact, almost everyone can probably scale down their daytime minutes once they start working. And an extra $20 to $70 a month is no joke.

4) Workers Compensation. Not just for construction workers, though hopefully you won’t get hurt sitting at your computer making Excel spreadsheets. If you do get injured on the job, though, the insurance company will pay you a comparable salary until you get back on your feet (with some fine print to watch out for, of course).

5) Transit coupons. Sometimes, you can use your salary pre-tax to purchase tokens/cards for the local transit system. Often, even interns are eligible for free subway and train passes. It never hurts to ask. Another tip: your company may have special discounts on ZipCars that you can use for weekend trips.

6) Medical freebies. Get a flu shot in the fall, and look into other benefits like free shrinks and massages.

7) Meals. Getting surf and turf on the Man is pretty sweet, though it usually means you’re at the office working late instead of out having dinner with your friends. Still, the fact is you’re saving money and you should take advantage of all the free meals you can get at work. Drinking free coffee at work each day can also save you about $600 a year at Starbucks.

8) Memberships and Discounts. If your company will pay for your gym memberships (or at least part of it), why not let them? Also look out for deals with local services and stores, particularly places where you can buy work clothes.

9) Reimbursements. Never spend money on things that you have to buy in order to do your job. Make sure you file all reimbursements with the expenses department.

10) Schwag. Companies will probably send promotional materials, free foods, and other little freebies that most people in the office ignore at this point cause they are jaded. But you are young and poor, so take it home if you can! Who knows—holiday shopping may become a thing of the past.

Remember: all these benefits are yours for the taking, so don’t feel bashful. After all, you are (hypothetically) working hard for your company, so make sure you get back what you deserve.

Gradspot.com is the premier online destination for life after college, featuring in-depth how-to guides on finding a job, getting an apartment, understanding healthcare, and much more. The Gradspot.com Guide to Life After College, a humorous manual for navigating the real world, is available for $14.95 on Amazon or as a downloadable e-book at Gradspot.com/book.

Catalyst for Action is Seeking a Self-Motivated Intern!

2009-04-02T15:32:00.003-04:00

Are you the self-motivated, emerging leader I'm looking for? Read more and find out.

Responsibilities
-5-8 hours/week of web research, database entry, flyer/promo design, and press release writing (can be done primarily from comfort of own home)
-Opportunities to participate for free in Catalyst for Action Tele-Classes, attend networking events, receive public speaking/effective interpersonal communication training, contribute articles to Alexia's online publications, and spearhead appropriate projects

Intern will receive 2 complimentary, individual 45-minute telephone career and life coaching sessions/month (valued at $250/month) during length of the internship. A two-three month minimum commitment is requested beginning April 15.

If interested, please email a cover letter and resume to alexia@alexiavernon.com including 3 professional references.

Learn more about Alexia and Catalyst for Action
Website: www.alexiavernon.com
Email: alexia@alexiavernon.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/genwecoach
Phone: 877-3-ALEXIA

Let Employees Twitter

2009-03-31T11:53:00.003-04:00

A guest post to my Newark Examiner Corporate Leadership column from the awesome Ellie Behling. She writes about Generation Y and the Workplace at www.y-rd.com.

When I log on to Twitter at work, I wonder whether I am doing something naughty or incredibly productive. That is the crux of the social networking/workplace conflict: While some workplaces scoff at or even block social networking sites, other organizations pressure and encourage workers to use social networking as a way to market the business brand. The latter group is onto something.

Social networking might take on new and better forms, but it isn’t going away. For many industries, social networking, such as the microblogging site Twitter, is the future of marketing. So it’s probably a good idea to let your employees get the hang of using them. The current form of social networking might feel slightly unprofessional at times, but that’s why social networking needs more corporate structure. Completely ignoring social networking now could cause problems for companies down the road.

Meanwhile, the workforce, from Generation Y on up through the Baby Boomers, is increasingly using social networking in their personal lives. Members of Generation Y have grown into adulthood comfortable with having both themselves and a digital projection of their identities. We go through our lives choosing just the right moments to convey digitally to the rest of the world. A workforce that includes the Millennial generation is going to have to include our digital personas too.

Finish Reading This Article

Entitled to Lead: The Rise of the Millennial Female Leader

2009-03-18T18:24:00.003-04:00

An excerpt from my recent posting on Ms. Career Girl: personal finance, career advice, and networking for divas...

In their book, Generation We: How Millennial Youth Are Taking Over America And Changing Our World Forever, Eric Greenberg and Karl Weber propose that millennials (or Generation We as they have affectionately re-branded us), the generation born between 1978-2000, is the first generation in American history to inherit a nation in social, economic, and ecological decline. Yet, they suggest we’re also the generation most optimistic about our ability to tap into our values, elicit our resources, and embrace entrepreneurship and technology to make a positive difference. 53% of us voted in the 2008 presidential election, making us 18% of the American electorate, and we’ll be the largest generational voting block in 2012.

We are the most educated generation in history, with over 60% of us enrolling in college and record numbers of us pursuing graduate degrees. We grew up in the most diverse classrooms in our nation’s history. 40% of us were Hispanic, Black, or Asian. But even if Koombiyah sounds like an appropriate theme song for our generation, are we ready to lead the world from recession to sustainable growth as we approach the next decade of the twenty-first century?

Yes and no. But mainly yes! As a member of this rising generation and a leadership development professional, I concur with Greenberg and Weber that I’m a part of a pretty awesome group. We are poised to ensure that our collective desire for change translates into results-oriented action.

Read the rest of this article on Ms. Career Girl.

Informational Interviews: 10 Steps for Getting the Most from Them

2009-03-14T16:25:00.004-04:00

Last week I published the following article on George's Employment Blawg. The dynamic ladies of LYJ: Love Your Job, Love Your Life have also featured it, so I thought I'd give you a teaser here. Because approximately 5% of jobs are found online, it's vitally important for job seekers and those who advise, teach, and coach them to understand the art of the informational interview. So please soak up the following strategies and share with your network.

"Americans learned on Friday that unemployment has hit its highest level in 25-years. While the national unemployment rate is 8.1%, states like Michigan or my old stomping grounds, Nevada, are experiencing even higher rates, 11.6% and 9.4% respectively. This is sobering news for job hunters, but it should not be grounds for giving up on finding a job or calling friends and family for a couch to crash on until the recession ends. It simply is a reminder that traditional ways of conducting a job search, from perusing online sites like Monster and CareerBuilder to attending regional job fairs, probably aren't going to enable you to close the gap from job seeker to gainfully employed.

People who get employment in a down economy don't wait for opportunities to appear. They create them. They know where their expertise lies and how they can marry their strengths with unfulfilled needs in the marketplace. (And believe me, they exist.) Perhaps most importantly, they are proactive about reaching out to leaders in their fields for informational interviews so that they can learn from and make a positive impact on these key players.

Step 1: Scoring Face Time

So how do you land an informational interview? You compose a maximum of a one-page cover letter and email it both in the body of your email and as an attachment to the prospective interviewee. You explain succinctly and dynamically who you are, what results you have achieved, and why this person should give you the time to discuss existing and anticipated opportunities in the field. If somebody recommended you reach out or you have read this person's column, blog, tweets, etc., you mention this early in the letter. Finally, you state that you will call in the next week to set up a face-to-face, or if you are out of the area, telephone interview.

You DON'T attach a resume and you DON'T ask for a job.

While job opportunities often come out of informational interviews, this is not what they are for. Your goal should be to introduce a leader in your field to what you have done and what you plan to achieve next, learn as much as you can from this person's experiences, and make yourself so irresistibly attractive during the interview that the interviewee keeps his/her ear to the pavement for opportunities for you, many of which may actually be outside of the person's organization.

Step 2: Breathe and then Bulldoze Forward

You called your prospect when you said you would. And after a few rounds of phone tag, you have converted the person into an informational interviewee. Most likely you have a couple of weeks to prepare. It's important to celebrate this victory, and recognize that a little bit of smart work has paid off. Acknowledging the objectives we achieve on route to our goals keeps us motivated and engaged. But after a night off from online job searching (old habits are hard to shake so you're probably still trying out different keywords in Indeed.com), it's time to get back into preparation mode."

Read the entire article on George's Employment Blawg.

No Luck with the Job Hunt? You May Be Overthinking.

2009-03-09T17:14:00.002-04:00

The most important word for me in college, graduate school, and as a professor has been praxis. Whether studying it from a women’s studies, education, or social change perspective, its core is the same- take action, reflect upon it, and then take new action and facilitate transformation. In other words, humans have a predilection to sit on their tushies, search for “the right answer,” and in their quest for perfection, never start closing the gap from where they are to where they want to be.

Positive psychologists have compiled a lot of research documenting the myriad of dangers attached to overthinking. In her book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that excessive contemplation “impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation, and interferes with concentration and initiative.”

Job seekers unnecessarily belabor the employment hunt and decrease their personal satisfaction by endlessly tweaking their cover letters, resumes, and emails and parking themselves in front of the TV or CrackBerry musing on the latest unemployment statistics. While I’m not suggesting one divorce herself from spell check or undergo delusions that we are not in a trying economic climate, it is worth remembering that most people will forgive a split infinitive and approximately 80% of Americans are still fully employed.

Lyubomirsky also writes that overthinking can actually undermine peak performance by impeding concentration and causing one to make useless social comparisons between herself and others. “People who pay too much attention to social comparisons find themselves chronically vulnerable, threatened, and insecure,” Lybubomirksy goes on to explain.

To stay motivated towards achieving your desired career goals, engage in these five action-oriented job hunting strategies IMMEDIATELY, as in as soon as you finish reading and commenting on this entry!

1. Request 5 informational interviews with key players in your field (My article on making the most of your informational interview will be on George’s Employment Blawg by the end of this week)

2. Develop and/or refine your 15-second pitch

3. Attend a networking meeting in your field and introduce yourself to AT LEAST 5 new people with your new pitch

4. Get busy building your platform by sharing your knowledge and resources with others. Post a new blog entry. Comment on the blogs of others. Send valuable articles via Twitter.

5. Know who you want to be when you show up to your “ideal job.” Practice being this person each day until s/he becomes habitual. (And you just might attract your platinum opportunity along the way)

Once you have taken these concrete actions, you can sit back and evaluate what you’ve discovered, where you’ve been successful, and how you can continue to work smarter, not necessarily harder, as you strive to move into your new job. And Lyubomirsky and I vow, you’ll be a lot happier for the praxis approach to the job hunt.

Dear Mom and Dad, Thank You for Forcing Me to Make Recession Lemonade

2009-02-12T12:00:00.001-05:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

I thought my life was over when I learned we couldn’t come up with the money for my remaining year at [Insert prestigious university]. It seemed unfathomable that both of you could lose your jobs, and as a consequence, the home I had grown up in. But surely the institution that I poured my hard work, time, energy, and creativity into through my classes, work-study positions, and lab research wouldn’t turn their back on me in my time of need. Somehow I’d be able to graduate. What’s an extra $25,000 in financial aid, I thought, when you’ve got an endowment the size of [Insert same prestigious university]? But that endowment was based heavily on Madoff money, I soon discovered. So I was toast.

While I could have returned home to sulk or go to a state school, to me the choices were one in the same, I decided to put into practice the ole saying you raised me on. If life was going to give me lemons, gosh darn it, I was going to make lemonade. That lesson worked for me in second grade when I started the lemonade stand to raise my half of the $500 necessary to go on my class field trip to Washington, DC. Over a decade later, older and hopefully wiser, I was ready to put your sagacious words it into practice again.

So I stayed on campus during what should have been the fall of my senior year, crashed in [Insert a Transcendentalist poet’s last name]’s dorm room, convinced Professor [Insert polysyllabic German name of your choosing] to let me stay on part-time at the Solar Energy Institute (SEI), and launched my new and improved lemonade business out of [Insert same Transcendentalist poet’s last name]’s kitchenette.

Turns out there was a big market on campus for Recession Lemonade. Everyone thought it was the [Insert name of a cheap college alcohol] that made it so slamming. I knew it was really the sprigs of lavender. But I digress. I got so many orders it was hard for me to put in my time at the SEI. And by Halloween, I knew I had to choose. It was the Hooch or the PV’s. It wasn’t a hard choice.

While everyone from President Obama to Goldman Sachs claimed to be sweet on solar, truth was, the funding just wasn’t sustainable yet. I was going to have to do something, and fast, to pay back the $75,000 debt I’d amassed on route to my non-existent degree. And I had to figure out a way to sock away money for your eventual long-term care since you cashed in what was left of your respective 401(K)s to start again.

Sorry, by the way, I haven’t been out to [Insert lyrical adjective and synonym for house or garden] to visit. I hope you understand, [Insert name of European city]’s school, [Insert three disparate extracurricular activities- I suggest belly dancing, lacrosse, and stained glass class] keep [Insert first name of your favorite Charles Dickens character] and I very busy. But we all love you madly and will plan a family reunion soon!

As I was saying, I spent the rest of what would have been my senior year hawking my booze and hiring, training, and supervising reps on other local campuses to increase my client base. I learned a lot simultaneously wearing the hats of boss and manager; chiefly that product loyalty works better with clients than employees. I had to let go of half my staff in the first month due to their constant inebriation. Fortunately, I discovered by Spring Break that recruiting from [Insert name of some campus group that doesn’t drink. There’s got to be one that exists. Don’t give up] club put a halt to my previously high turnover. I was back in business.

One of my best customers at [Insert public university in town of prestigious university of your choosing] took a shining to the burgeoning company. And me. Not necessarily in that order. [Insert name of favorite deciduous tree] said his dad was in angel funding and asked if I had a business plan he could show him. I knew the offer was just an attempt to get my Lemonade and me into his room. But I friended him on Facebook nonetheless, figuring his connections could come in handy one day when I was ready to transition into a more long-term venture. I hoped it would be one that made the kind of social impact I’d intended when I declared my major in Environmental Engineering four years back.

Well as you both know, that day came less than two years later. After THE INCIDENT, you know when [Use your imagination here. Really, don’t just think outside the box; get rid of the box all together], I knew Recession Lemonade had run its course. With the exception of $20,000 I’d managed to put away, I was back at square one. I vowed my days as an entrepreneur were over. After a brief sojourn home to regroup, I moved cross-country and in frighteningly little time found a 9-to-5 job at [Insert name of any large corporation you suspect will make it through 2010 or 2011]. They loved my entrepreneurial instincts and promoted me to manager shortly after my first evaluation, allowing me to double my monthly student loan payments, take advantage of the new first-time home buyer incentives to purchase a condo, make the maximum possible contribution to my Roth IRA (while I had a corporate pension I’d learned from you I also wanted my own external retirement account), and volunteer on the board of [Insert name of innocuous nonprofit agency].

Life was fine. Everything was fine. Each Monday looked remarkably like the previous Friday. I started to miss the old days. The elation of a new customer. Managing the books in my PJ’s. Always musing on how to make my product better. I’d finally found stability, but less than two months shy of my quarter-life birthday I was bored and lonely. I had gone on two dates since I left [Insert same prestigious university] and both were as scintillating as [Insert something painstakingly dull, like watching grass grow].

I now understood that while security was a core value of mine, so was maintaining a sense of accomplishment and making a contribution. At the time I was one for three. Because my company offered tuition reimbursement, I decided that while I was no longer interested in a college degree I could benefit from a business class. Or two. I’d learned a lot from running my own business, but I had been much better at working in it than on it. I wanted to know how to create a socially conscious start-up with the potential to scale quickly. My new venture needed to be able to run without me and provide some kind of juicy, currently unsatisfied service or product to clients.

I’d been waking up nightly that first semester back in school, stuck on questions like How do I launch other values-driven leaders to sustainable success? How can I connect young people with great ideas to senior leaders with the money and power to bring those ideas to fruition? How can people from around the world collaborate on starting and growing businesses that achieve a triple bottom line? The answer hit me a week before midterms, while gorging on deep fried [Insert favorite fruit or candy bar]. I would be the grand dame of an online social networking site for emerging social entrepreneurs and social venture capitalists. You know, online pseudo face-to-face speed networking between do gooders and those who want to fund them.

I updated my [Insert name of your favorite online social media site] status indicating that entrepreneurial brilliance had hit and, as I suspected would happen, my old friend [Insert same name of favorite deciduous tree] put me in touch with his dad. He was married at this point, both [Insert name of same favorite deciduous tree], and his dad, but we’d kept in touch and father and son asked for nothing more than [Insert % you think is fair] of the company within the first 5 years because they both believed so fully in its vision and mission. The rest is, as [Insert name of favorite liberal media outlet] said in their recent feature on me, herstory.

Mom, dad, I know none of my success and immense professional and personal satisfaction would have happened had I pursued my original life plan. It was what I thought I should do rather than what I felt called to do. With the exception of letting me come home and drink myself silly for a week after THE INCIDENT, you’ve never rescued me, but rather, let me find my own path and make my own mistakes. And as a consequence, my own discoveries. I’m privileged in so many ways, chiefly to have you as parents.

It’s almost [insert name of favorite holiday rooted in gratitude], and I’m just overwhelmed by how swimmingly my life has turned out. Thank you both, again, for empowering me to learn from your choices and for creating the space I needed to forge the life I was born to live.

Appreciatively yours,
[Insert name of any millennial that is getting a good kick in the tuchus right now]

Register for Future Proof Your Potential Group Coaching Tele-Class

2009-02-10T15:24:00.007-05:00

Future Proof Your Potential

A Group Coaching Tele-class with Alexia Vernon
Certified Coach, Trainer, and Speaker

$75 ($50 if you register by March 11)

4 Wednesdays- March 25, April 1, April 8, April 15 (8PM-9PM EST)

Designed for professionals, consultants, educators, artists, and small business owners looking for results-oriented coaching strategies and techniques for staying motivated, engaged, and resilient throughout one’s career. Participants will walk away from this 4-week group coaching tele-class with a customized action plan for success. For less than half the price of one individual coaching session, work with an ICF certified coach and learn from fellow participants’ experiences and expertise.

WEEK ONE: Awakening to your Professional Purpose: Vision, Mission, and Values

WEEK TWO: The Coach Approach to Success: Weeding Out Limitations and Activating Possibilities

WEEK THREE: Marketing Your Professional Brand in Uncertain Economic Times: Interviewing, Networking, and Creating a Platform

WEEK FOUR: The 200-Year Action Plan

Space is limited. Register Now! Questions? Contact me at alexia@alexiavernon.com.

Why This Generation Y Leadership Coach/Trainer/Speaker Slashes

2009-02-01T13:39:00.006-05:00

I asked my partner a few nights ago, “Why do you love me?” We had been missing each other for the last week. Depending on the day, one of us was up and out of the house before the other arose. Evenings had been spent apart with respective clients and friends. I wasn’t seeking validation that our relationship was okay when I asked the question so much as giving Steve and me an opportunity to remember what we value in the other.

After playfully citing some of my physical attributes, Steve answered. “I am more myself with you than with anyone else.”

I hate to think that any question I ask has a “right” answer. That would be manipulative. But as soon as Steve spoke, I knew that in this instance he had found it. We all want to be 100% ourselves 100% of the time. Unfortunately, we often lose sight of this and make decisions that we hope will make us the people we think others want us to be, losing more and more of ourselves along the way.

But thank goodness authenticity is indeed what fuels us. This is how I make a living, after all. Enough individuals, from the solopreneur parent running a web-based business to stay home with his or her child to the CEO running a Fortune 500 company while secretly questing to incorporate a nonprofit, have realized the importance of awakening to one’s vision for life and finding a way to marry it with one’s daily professional and personal tasks, attitudes, and behaviors.

Like many in my generation, I long ago abandoned the idea of defining myself by a singular title or phrase. Even in high school, I employed a slash when I branded myself Key Club President/Newspaper Editor/Actress on my DIY business cards. I’m so grateful that I had the permission to embrace all of these important facets of my emerging identity. If not, it’s unlikely I would simultaneously be running my own leadership coaching and training company, performing with an award-winning theatre company, or writing and speaking on using one’s values to build careers and organizations that are successful, sustainable, and make a social impact.

In our current economy, slashing is also a survival strategy. According to the Newsweek article, “The New American Job: Are freelance gigs and part-time gigs the future?” with close to 3 million jobs lost since January 2008, nearly 8 million Americans (almost double the number from 2007) have created slashed identities. While slashers have a score of challenges, from finding affordable health insurance to securing a large emergency cash reserve (for unemployment benefits often don’t apply), they also have the opportunity to craft a professional identity that gives them control and creativity frequently missing from a traditional, 9-to-5 office job.

Marci Alboher, a freelance writer/journalist/speaker, has written extensively about how/why (ah yes, my slash play is endless), young professionals and freelancers are particularly inclined to use slashing in crafting their identities. Her work is clear, compelling, and does not need duplication. Check it out and make sure to peruse her Thoughts on Slashing, From Aristotle. Good stuff.

But as I encounter a near constant flow of e-newsletters, tweets, blog entries, and glossy copy recommending individuals and organizations scale their brands down to a clever, easily digested phrase or two, I must speak out. No matter how much Mad Men I watch, I am not a branding expert. Yet. But I am a leadership, millennial, and sustainable success one. So I understand that for any vision, mission, or core values statement to make an impact and attract the right clients, funders, and collaborators, they must be authentic. As Americans, we have an abundance of examples of ideas, images, and slogans that took flight only to crash right down. From Enron’s “ask why” to Countrywide’s top three core values – “demonstrate integrity,” “be a positive influence,” and “be an agent of change” (just reiterating them almost made me vomit), we know – even if our actions sometimes suggest otherwise – only authentic, values-driven branding garners interest, consistently sells products and services, makes a positive social impact, and wins elections. (If you don’t believe me, try Googling “Yes we can” or “Yes we did.” It should keep you busy for the next four years.)

So how does one craft an authentic, values-driven identity? CONTACT ME.

I kid. I kid. Somewhat.

Whether you are seeking to re-invent yourself after a layoff, reach the right people with your product or service, or more effectively engage employees, begin by considering these questions.

• In what area(s) do you add value better than anyone else?

• Based on your strengths, who is your perfect client/customer/collaborator/employer/
funder?

• Why must people have what you can deliver?

• What results will you/it enable?

• Who will you be when you are able to consistently provide value to others?

And now that you’ve begun to tap into your authentic identity, CONTACT ME and discover where you can go next.

What Have You Been Called to Inaugurate?

2009-01-21T11:27:00.004-05:00

I was there. Sandwiched between 1.5 million to 2 million of my fellow Americans on the National Mall. Watching our 44th president, Barack Obama, take the oath of office. To summarize the myriad of swirling emotions I experienced is impossible and would border on gauche. Some experiences can only be summarized in a picture, a song, a piece of poetry. Words simply cannot serve them justice. Artists must step in and capture the moment.

This is not, however, to suggest that I won't share my thoughts. President Obama has called me, and the rest of our country, to partner in rebuilding our great nation.

"Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done."

President Obama reminded us yesterday that the inauguration is not about him taking the most important office in the world. It is not about us electing our first African American president. The end of eight years of George W. Bush. Or the triumph of hope over fear. But rather, it is about us collectively inaugurating "big plans" to resurrect a stagnating country. And President Obama challenged us not to mistake wealth with success and growth. He called us to create prosperity both within and beyond our national borders. We are again to be a flat world.

"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

President Obama has defined our national vision statement. Now, each of us must awaken to our purpose and craft and carry out our individual mission statements.

As a gal ensconced in values-driven leadership development, I find myself asking how can I empower individuals and organizations to "pursue their full measure of happiness" and lead successfully, sustainably, and for the maximum possible social impact?

I have discovered over the last year, a time in my life marked by some of my greatest wins and greatest "opportunities for growth" (aka challenges), that resiliency is one of the cornerstones of the kind of leadership I seek to foster in myself and others.

So during President Obama's first 100 days, I will focus on developing this core leadership competency in myself, my clients, my colleagues, my students, and my family and friends. I will offer a new low-cost teleclass, Future Proof Your Potential, allowing me to share my strategies for professional success with a larger audience, simultaneously providing the tools for other emerging and evolving leaders to design and implement their own action plans. I will continue to identify stymieing thought patterns in myself and others, reframing limitations as possibilities, shifting from "No we can't" to "Yes we can!"

These our my preliminary musings on OUR first 100 days. What will you inaugurate?

2009: The Year of Yes "I" Can

2009-01-08T17:09:00.005-05:00

"2009 will be a difficult year," just about every prominent leader, strategist, expert, cultural influencer, client, and friend has said to me over the last week.

I disagree.

For those who, like me, define success by life satisfaction, here are some sagacious words from Gandhi that keep me in a possibility rather then limitation mindset.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

When all else feels beyond my control, remember that happiness is just an intention away.

How Do We Train Leaders for a Green Economy?

2008-12-26T11:29:00.003-05:00

As a country, we have lost 1.9 million of them in 2008. Economists and even our national oracle of optimism, President-Elect Obama, recognize that another 2-3 million jobs are likely to be lost in 2009. While those of us in the career coaching business continue to proselytize that jobs in healthcare, human services, engineering, and education are actually increasing, the number one growing sector is one that is just beginning to shift from a vision to fruition: the green industry.

The notion of evolving from an oil-based economy to a green one is not new. What has changed is the widespread societal recognition that such a shift is not only the “right” thing to do but also the “only” thing to do. It puts people across racial, class, and educational divides to work at living wages in industries that will cut carbon emissions, create clean energy, end America’s dependence on oil, slow the process of global warming, and most importantly, create a sustainable and just future for our nation.

So how does this happen? Van Jones, the Founder of Green for All, a national organization dedicated to building an inclusive green economy strong enough to lift people out of poverty, provides the answers in The Green Collar Economy by detailing a bevy of interrelated projects not only in energy independence but also in food, waste, water, and transportation sustainability. These innovative technologies first and foremost necessitate professionals to design, build, install, and maintain them. However, they will also require professionals to market, sell, educate, evaluate, and create the culture surrounding them. In other words, a green economy includes all of us, particularly those who educate, train, and employ millennials (the generation born between 1978 and 2000) who will be the largest generation in the workplace by 2012.

While not as seriously impacted as Generation X and Baby Boomer workers, millennials have nevertheless received a harsh slap in the face over the last 3 months. No longer courted and plucked directly from college and graduate school, we have to network and interview like everyone else, negotiating between taking a job that enables us to make the minimum monthly payment on our egregious student loans with not branding ourselves in a way that will prevent us from aligning our purpose with our career once the economy picks up. If we want the next generation of leaders not only to be able to survive but also to thrive in a green economy, we have to train them to do so… and fast. President-Elect Obama wants to invest $150 billion in the creation of 5 million green collar jobs over the next 10 years.

These entry-level jobs (which although lower-skilled will still pay between $9-$15/hour) include retrofitting energy inefficient buildings to installing solar panels and drought-tolerant landscaping. They necessitate face-to-face contact between workers and clients. Urban Habitat, a social and environmental justice organization in the Bay Area, says green collar employees will therefore need to have excellent interpersonal communication skills, be timely, and be able to work efficiently without direct supervision, traits not necessarily endemic to millennials.

But perhaps most importantly, for the green collar economy to be inclusive of all Americans and truly model the ethical and environmental values thought-leaders purport it can, millennials and other green economy leaders must have opportunities to train and practice being values-driven leaders. They must be able to articulate their leadership vision and mission; know how to coach and be coachable; embrace change, diversity, and innovation as core values; speak and negotiate effectively. and be resilient in the face of unexpected but unavoidable professional and personal setbacks.

What shifts can you make in your career, business, organization, university, or association to empower emerging and evolving leaders to be successful in the green economy?

Future Proof Your Finances and Career

2008-12-19T12:09:00.003-05:00

Check out my feature article in The Woodhull Institute Leader.

Attention, Uncle Sam, I Deserve a Bailout Too!

2008-12-04T12:36:00.002-05:00

Like many in America, I have been glued to the news since September of this year, equal parts confused and intrigued by the corporate bailout process. Last night, as I listened to institutions ranging from the CEO’s of the big three automakers to a suburban Cleveland, Ohio school district requesting government monies, I realized I should be able to get in on the action. I’m a millennial. Isn’t a sense of entitlement my birthright?

Oh, I kid. I kid. While my generation has been branded entrepreneurial, innovative, and tech savvy by some, others have indeed labeled us disrespectful, whiny, and outright lazy. Call us what you want, but according to Eric H. Greenberg and Karl Weber, the authors of the new book, Generation We, millennials or Gen-We’s are also the first generation to inherit a nation in economic decline. And yet, many of us have a history of paying OUR bills on time.

Since I received my first university-sponsored MasterCard at nineteen, I’ve paid each of my credit cards off fully each month. Ditto for my cell phone and utility bills. And as for my egregious student loans, my gift for pursuing a master’s at a private university? Well, not only do I pay the required monthly payment, but I also have been saving a little extra to double up on my payments to try to get 100% debt free before starting a family. The real kicker is that the recipient of these payments, Citibank, is in the throes of a bailout rescue.

But surely my economic responsibility has paid off in other ways. I have a nearly perfect FICA score. I am one of the few people in this nation who could get credit. Unfortunately, this means absolutely nothing to me since the only way I could buy a car or condo living in the NYC tri-state area would be to STOP paying my monthly expenses on time. And then all of this responsibility would be for nothing.

To be clear, conceding to the American trend of spending beyond one’s means has absolutely no allure for me.

And enough of my criticizing. I’m a solutions-oriented gal.

Therefore, I’m proposing a bailout. Scratch that, an economic stimulus (much more positive rhetoric), to any millennial with perfect credit. We are as low-risk as any U.S. group and will be the largest generation by 2012. Uncle Sam, do you really want us to be supporting our financially struggling boomer parents in retirement, starting families, and leading organizations without being able to afford so much as a slice of the American dream?

Don’t answer that. Just remit payment to the aforementioned group, starting with me, Alexia Vernon. You have access to all of my records, so I trust you know where to find me. I promise, I will do my generation and my country proud!

Fear and Loathing are NOT Activist Values

2008-11-20T11:51:00.002-05:00

Amy Richards was the first person to call me an activist. Although she denied the nonprofit young women's leadership organization I started in Las Vegas a grant, she called me up towards the end of college asking for permission to profile me in Grassroots: A Field Guide for Feminist Activism. "Your values really embrace me," Amy had said, or at least I recall her saying something along those lines. "You saw a problem and used your skills and interests to do something about it. That's really noteworthy, and you're the kind of activist Jennifer and I are featuring in our new book."

Fast forward half a decade or so, and I'm getting activist hate mail. I showed up to a theatre rehearsal the other night, and was given a piece of mail addressed to me c/o Stolen Chair that had a North Carolina postmark and no return address. Apparently the anthrax scare of 2001 has taught me nothing, for I opened it and discovered two pages of typed information about animal abuse, at least a dozen pictures of mutilated animals, and enraged declarations that people who wear fur are making these practices happen.

I have only worn fur once in my life, at least that I am aware of. One of my father's ex-girlfriend's gave me a rabbit lined sweater. I felt so guilty about the whole thing that after wearing it once in front of her to perform my appreciation, I gave it away because I kept picturing my beloved teddy rabbit coming awake at night and attacking me for wearing her mother.

I have no idea why I was targeted for this mail. Quite frankly, I don't want to know at this point. But I'm disappointed in whomever sent it, in whomever practices a fear and loathing driven activism.

I hoped that the days of using anger and scare tactics to mobilize communities died with Senator McCain's campaign, but clearly it has not. There is so much to learn from the extraordinary worldwide popularity of President-Elect Obama, as I eluded to in my previous posting, but perhaps most importantly it's how to bring people with colluding viewpoints to the table to engage in dialogue. Scaring, shunning, mocking, or in any way violating the dignity of another, regardless of one's analysis of that "other's" character, values, beliefs, or actions, goes against the mission and vision of my activism. And I hope it goes against yours.

How Did Obama "Barack" America?

2008-11-12T16:48:00.003-05:00

Though happiness.

Strategists, pundants, politicians, and even the President-Elect himself will espouse different theories for why the United States elected Barack Obama our 44th president. Sure Obama might be dismissed simply as “the right man at the right time.” He talks about empowering the lower and middle classes, ending the war in Iraq, investing in the creation of a green economy, making education work, and leading collectively and with compassion at a time when America and much of the world is a bleeping mess. But I have been sharing these same notions with my clients, friends, and family longer than Senator Obama has been in the Senate. So what gives?

Let me go down in the annals declaring it was Obama’s contagious enthusiasm and his performance of psychological wealth that catapulted him from obscurity to worldwide intrigue (quite like another eloquent community organizer from Nazareth a few thousand years before him).

In their groundbreaking book, Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, father and son positive psychology duo Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener make the case for why it pays to exchange the pursuit of financial wealth for psychological wealth. They define the latter as “the experience of well-being and a high quality of life…. The experience that our life is excellent- that we are living in a rewarding, engaged, meaningful, and enjoyable way.” According to Diener and Biswas-Diener, psychologically wealthy people perform better, do more creative work, earn the most respect and status, surround themselves with nutritious people (the latter is actually leadership coach and trainer Steve Barberio’s phrasing), partake in some religious or spiritual practice, and play to their strengths on a regular basis.

Our President-Elect is the living incarnation of a man engaged in purposeful and rewarding work, relationships, and spiritual life. America sees this and hopes that by embracing Obama we are embracing the possibility that we may have access to at least a piece of the optimism that seems so easy for him to embody. Each time Senator McCain, Governor Palin, or other critics of Obama’s politics of hope attacked him, he just smiled bigger, breathed more deeply, spoke more eloquently, and as a result, invested more and more of us overworked and generally under-inspired saps in working for his election.

Obama has made activism sexy to millennials, gen-xers, baby boomers, and matures in a way no other American could by understanding that at the end of the day, Americans don’t want a president we can belly up with to a bar. We want someone who makes us feel good about our values, our work, our families, our future, and ourselves. While we may tune in to reality TV and pour over trashy gossip mags to get the latest scoop on celebrities gone crazy, we don’t want self-indulgent, unhappy, and insecure folks calling the shots from the White House. We’re equally as tired of angry, overzealous, power-loving leaders. We want someone who is a mirror for the kind of person we aspire to be: happy, humble, and engaged 24-7 in a purpose-driven life.

Will Millennials Elect the Next President?

2008-11-03T12:01:00.004-05:00

Like many of my generational compatriots, I've never voted for the winning presidential candidate. I believe in the Rule of 3, that when one does something a third time the predictable outcome eludes him/her, so I'm confidant tomorrow my candidate will be victorious; but it's been hard for me to let go of some percolating skepticism all the same.

I woke up this morning, just as I have the last few mornings, congested. It would be easy for me to dismiss this pattern as a lingering side effect of a pesky cold or as a sign that my second sinus surgery was as unsuccessful as the first. But in my gut, I know that it's neither. And thank goodness, especially in the case of the latter. You see, when I have a lot on my mind or a heavy heart, I don't breathe properly. When I sleep, I am particularly prone to shallow mouth breathing and this creates a clog in my sinus cavities that even Joe the Plumber couldn't drill through.

I need this election to be over. I have logged so many CNN viewing hours that I broke into tears a few weeks ago when I saw John King on an escalator at Columbus Circle. I wanted to ask him about his "magic wall" but couldn't stop blubbering in time!

But I also need to see the man I believe will embody the values-driven leadership I have built a business on in that Oval Office. Or else....

In meditation yesterday, my guest instructor shared that there are only three things certain about death. (How's that for a seemingly illogical segue?)

1. We all will die.

(No argument there.)

2. None of us know exactly when we will die.

(I can come up with some exceptions to this. In fact, this morning a group of my students created a provocative site specific performance about the death penalty in a stairwell attesting to the fact that some folks have their deaths scheduled down to the minute. But I'll let the Tibetan Buddhists have number two nonetheless.)

3. The only thing that will matter at the time of our death is the dharma (one's righteous duty or virtuous path)

While I'm still trying to negotiate how dharma fits in with my Greek Orthodox-Jewish religious ancestry and Catholic school education, the aspect of dharma I'm most fixated on at the brink of this monumental moment in history is how I can live each day as though it's going to be the last. This is a familiar idea, one I'm sure was first introduced to me in Sunday School as a tot. But after a day's worth of meditation on the first death principle, more thought than I've given the certainly of my own death in years, (which is striking given that I just commenced work on a play with Stolen Chair Theatre Company looking at vaudeville and death), I realize that just as I want to live each day from a place of gratitude, I really also want to live each day ready to die. I want to know that at every moment I've consistently put my values into practice and that each extra day I'm given to breathe, that I do it fully, without regret, and without attachment to getting another day to practice these virtues again.

The first attachment I need to rid myself of: a particular outcome to tomorrow's election!

Does anyone have a strategy for this?

From Gen-Y to Gen-How

2008-10-15T12:49:00.006-04:00

I've been asking "why" a lot lately, particularly in situations where I feel like I don't hold an ounce of control, where I see people who matter to me hurting deeply. If Gen-Y is self-absorbed, I'm still searching for my ticket to the vanity party. Each day it is getting harder to practice happiness as I'm overwhelmed by so much pain and loss in my family and community. I want to be self-involved. I just don't know how to be.

I ran into a colleague of mine today, "Randy," who gave me some sage words about her own struggles to stop carrying the weight of her daughter's mistakes.

"I love Emily, but I can't get on the roller coaster with her. I can support her in buying the ticket, wait with her in the line, and be there to hug her when she gets off. But I'm not going to take the fall with her. I've got my own ride to take."

This blog is really about me committing to finding my ride. Tea cups, here I come!

Hey, maybe I'm better at self-involvement than I thought.

Handwritten: A Thank You Note Writing Service

2008-10-09T10:37:00.004-04:00

A stellar woman I befriended at the Woodhull Institute of Ethical Leadership's Women Writers Retreat, Suzanah Raffield, just launched a new business- Handwritten- a thank you note writing service for busy professionals and brides.

I would buy a field dressing kit if Suzanah were selling it. She truly lives the values she purports.

So check her service out at www.ahandwrittennote.com

Writing to Save a Life: How I Birthed a Successful Op-Ed

2008-10-02T09:02:00.007-04:00

For the last two weeks, I've shared the tools I learned from Catie Orenstein/The Op-Ed Project at Woodhull Institute with my women's studies students. "Women have a social responsibility to write Op-Eds," I have explained. "Less than 25% of all opinion pieces are written by us, and yet publications like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and USA Today reach far more people than the most well-intentioned social justice project ever could. To analyze Op-Ed structure and style, we dissected two pieces on Governor Sarah Palin, Katha Pollitt's "Lipstick on a Wing Nut" (The Nation- September 10, 2008) and Tammy Bruce's "A Feminist's Argument for McCain's VP" (SF Gate- September 7, 2008).

One is sure to ignite ire. And the other, blanket you with warm and fuzzy goodness. Your political views will naturally determine which piece elicits which response.

So you could say the art and practice of writing to change the world has been in my bones these last three weeks, even if my own musings have been rejected by USA Today and AM New York. There have been several modest writing wins, however, that I'll keep to myself because of my firm belief I should never consider a job earned until I see my work in print, on stage, or _____ (insert article and public medium of choice here).

But last night I was called to write my most important piece yet. After watching an attack on someone very close to me for the last several months, I realized that the longer I waited to be contacted for my two cents, the more I would have to atone for next week. So I sat down to compile my thoughts, and upon reflection nine or so hours later, realize that I crafted a well made Op-Ed piece- with perhaps the greatest opener, "To Be Sure," and Call to Action I've ever produced. As John McClain would say, it oozed with "fire in the gut indignation" but was guided by "logical analysis."

I know this because of the impact my piece had on its subject. While I was writing to change the world at the most micro level, to enable a loved one to get his life back, I realize that perhaps I was writing most importantly to change this person's perception of himself. It is indubitably wrong to defame another person out of fear, a narcissistic desire for attention, and or economic gain, all of which I know from the deepest recesses of my intestines to my innermost gray matter are fueling the aforementioned attack. But perhaps the greatest injustice one can commit is to deflate another's spirit and sense of self, the true determinant of one's experience of life. Enabling someone so bruised to see himself the way I see him, the way the world ought to see him, might be the greatest form of activism I've ever taken part in. Now, I just pray to God, Buddha, Allah, and any other religious leader who will hear my prayer that it starts a chain reaction of justice- a force so necessary and yet so lacking in America at the moment that I wonder how it will ever be resurrected in society, the economy, politics, and most importantly, interpersonal relations, again.

Coaching the Coach- An Excerpt from Leadership Expert Marcus Buckingham

2008-09-25T14:09:00.005-04:00

I'm a bit frustrated, having just been stood up by a prospective client seeking a complimentary, trial coaching session. Generally, this only happens once every three to four months. Nonetheless, I always feel disappointed when it does. It not only indicates someone doesn't take my time seriously, but more disturbingly, that s/he doesn't value his/her own time enough to make an investment of forty-five minutes. And this particular individual is the pioneering force behind a rather extraordinary organization that I know I could help catalyze to the next level of success. C'est la vie.

At times like these, my frustration heightened by having just eaten lunch while watching CNN and learning that Louisiana Representative John LaBruzzo proposes paying "poor" women $1000 if they undergo sterilization, I go to my surefire sources of inspiration: quotes, articles, blogs, etc. that help me reconnect to my purpose.

I am a huge fan of Marcus Buckingham's books, and just discovered that he has a short clip on YouTube illustrating his strengths-based methodology. In just two minutes, I'm back on track, moving forward and up.

Check it out- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuZBJQAFOfM&NR=1

Top 5 Lessons this Leadership Coach Learned the Week Her Country's Economy Took the Greatest Dive Since 9-11

2008-09-18T10:27:00.008-04:00

1. The "invisible" people keep smiling. When I pass the fine folks of Merrill, Lehman, and AIG on my way to the PATH train, I no longer have my morning pleasantries exchanged. However, the parking attendants, newspaper deliverers, and food cart workers are as warm and smiley as ever. Hmmm........

2. Women have Secret Societies too. As a recent Woodhull Institute Alum, I decided to brave Times Square at rush hour two nights ago to attend a Woodhull Institute Networking Meeting. I have had an on again off again relationship with such meetings in the past. I get really jazzed about face-to-face self promotion, but I also enjoy having conversations about more than business building. This often proves hard in many networking groups. But the women of Woodhull gave me just what I needed, and I now feel like a part of the sorority I never joined.

3. I can do math. I flipped through a GRE book last night as I've been tossing the idea around of enrolling part-time in an Educational Leadership PhD program. It is hard to be a day guest in academia and not feel a bit subordinate when most of your colleagues are doctor and you are master. Surprisingly, I performed better on the quantitative reasoning questions than the English ones. Perhaps my mom should have let me stay in Sixth Grade Advanced Math?

4. I understand the saying, "flies on sh*^t." Yesterday I came home to, quite literally, flies on sh*^t. Somebody left his bowel movement and Calvin Klein boxer briefs at the street entrance of my home. And after sitting in the sun for goodness knows how many hours, the BM had attracted dozens of flies. Was it from a child on his way to a neighboring school? A homeless man? An angry Lehman Brother? In many ways, I hope I never know.

5. I have a lot to be grateful for. I do at least ten things each week that make me deliriously happy, including showing up each day for "work" that feels more like a calling than a job. Guilty pleasures like blogging, eating ice cream, and reading Pink are as scheduled as client sessions, trainings, and classes. And I have been married to my best friend and biggest cheerleader for 1 magical month today.

Engage in the Dialogue. Ask a Question.

2008-09-10T12:20:00.004-04:00

The group was preaching. And rambling. I asked for them to flex their "efficient language" muscle, to articulate their responses to the various prompts in the values clarification exercise in 2-3 sentences. Max. After hearing the seventh or eighth passionate but unfocused answer, one that reflected the speaker's emotions more than his/her critical thinking, I decided to adapt the activity. Human Barometer is an oldie but a goody interactive drama exercise, useful for teaching a group such skills as how to take a stand on important topic, why it's NOT useful to think in terms of binaries, and usually, how to succinctly articulate one's argument. The group was engaged with the prompts. Individually. But I wanted them to engage with each other.

It was time for some on the fly activity adaptation.

For the next values clarification statement, the individual group members had to come up with one question they would ask somebody who did not agree with his/her viewpoint that would encourage civic dialogue rather than more dichotomous, in many cases partisan thinking.

And it worked.

The group learned how to be economical with their language and in fifteen or so questions, get to the source of many of the problems both the Democrats and the Republicans are speaking about symptomatically.

We are such a solutions-orientated culture. But our propensity to get to the answer often forecloses dialogue between folks who often agree far more than we think on the shape of a problem. Focusing on solutions rather than exploration of possibilities pits different solutions against one another rather than fostering critical thinking about how to innovatively address the root cause of the problem.

I've been watching A LOT of CNN over the last month, and I find myself as guilty as anyone of screaming at the television at candidates whose platforms painfully violate my values.

But surely civic engagement can be bipartisan. Asking questions a family value we can all embrace.

When we dare to ask a question, we acknowledge that we don't have the answer. At least not alone. But we create the possibility that we might actually start down the path of finding one, creating space for unlikely bedfellows to problem solve together.

Help create a useful, bipartisan discussion by asking questions that promote genuine dialogue across party lines.

What are you curious about? What problems do you see that need to be addressed?

Please leave your QUESTIONS as comments at the end of this blog entry.

Anger as a Cataylst for Enrollment

2008-09-02T19:12:00.005-04:00

I always delight in hearing why coachees, students, clients, etc. decide to work with/enroll in a course with me. This morning, one of my students rather ruefully admitted he signed up for my course in order to develop strategies to address his almost always present anger. Ah, I can't wait to challenge him! Everyone I've known who has gone to Anger Management has reported that s/he and his/her fellow angry compatriots just came back angrier. They spent a lot of time sitting around and hearing how anger is a maladaptive behavior, while never once learning or practicing strategies to more effectively negotiate conflict when negative feelings arise. My new student had the insight to admit that a lot of his anger stems from spending his life moving from one passive situation to another, never feeling like he has control over his learning or an opportunity to concretize what he has been asked to explore cognitively. So he sleeps. A lot. And bashes things. If only the criminal justice system took the time to explore adult learning theory and created a space for learners to role play effective conflict management strategies, perhaps folks wouldn't find Anger Management so anger inducing.

But in the meantime, I hope the angry folks keep scouting me out. I don't proselytize.... except on my blog!

"Just as war is more the absence of love than the presence of hate, and darkness is the absence of light, a negative attitude is the absence of a positive one." (Unknown)

Mahalo for My Ohana

2008-08-28T18:26:00.003-04:00

I suspect that I will be speaking Islandlish for another few weeks. So in the interim, please bear with me.

Ohana, for those not versed in Hawaiian, translates to family. And over the last two weeks, if there is one moment from my wedding reception I have on loop, it is when Steve's and my family took to the stage to toast us.

Let me contextualize.

One of my chief critiques of a traditional wedding is that it celebrates a couple for their love, for their beauty, for their decision to spend a lot of time, money, and energy having other people do the same. While my mother and aunt will undoubtedly spend a long time relishing in the reality that I conceded to wearing a ludicrous tiara and sash for a night of bachelorette revelry, neither Steve nor I felt lauded on our nuptial day for simply embarking on a hegemonic heterosexual right of passage. But rather, our family celebrated us for who we have been as people- thinkers, innovators, citizens, family members, and how we have already left a legacy that we should be proud of. To be toasted by my older brother for inspiring him to achieve professional excellence.... for mirroring the values he hopes to live in his own life and engender in his beautiful daughter..... I'd divorce Steve and get re-married just to have the opportunity to hear such affirming words again.

When I made the decision to relocate east exactly five years ago this month, I regret that I focused solely on what lay ahead rather than taking time to account for what, and more specifically whom, I left behind. I have been blessed with a lot of wonderful ohana, primarily residing in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. I need to make a concerted effort to ensure that they are more of a physical presence in my life. I'm an aunt now, four times over. I'm ready to start acting like one!

Quote of the Moment From the Happiest Wahine in the World

2008-08-25T22:14:00.002-04:00

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” -Alfred D. Souza

10 Things I Learned While Sojourning in the Pacific Northwest

2008-08-05T18:02:00.004-04:00

1. Going green originated in the PNW for a reason.
2. I should have been born a decade earlier. I LOVE the Talking Heads.
3. Leaving Lewis and Clark was a mistake, even if the dorms have a lot of fecal matter on their windows and inadequate insulation.
4. Even artistic work created in sustainable communities can be displaced. Performance is meant to happen in million dollar fountains.
5. Sunny summers are overrated and civic engagement via the arts underutilized.
6. Forest Ridge really is the greatest educational institution in the world, even if the Raiders had to evolve into the Ravens.
7. The Lottery was meant to be a site specific theatre piece in an apple orchard.
8. PDX Airport Security notices when you try to sneak hand sanitizer in a carry-on bag.
9. Coaching and community development have many provocative points of intersection.
10. I think it's time I start saying I'm from the Pacific Northwest.

Grounded

2008-08-04T13:49:00.002-04:00

An entry I crafted almost 2 weeks ago at this point. Sorry for the delay......

As a young person, I was the recipient of one grounding by my mother. My stepfather warned that I’d never find a husband if I didn’t learn how to submit to male authority. My response today, “August 18. Right back at you, D.” My even less mature response twelve years ago, “FU$^*@# OFF!!!” I remember sitting in my room for the better half of a Saturday afternoon, alternating between watching CNN, completing an essay, and reading some chick lit. In hindsight, more of a mandated retreat than a punishment.

My mom had nothing on Useless or Contemptible Air.

Oh, I kid. I kid.

While I have vowed never to fly the former for a host of reasons I don’t want to tap into my two hours of sleep to go into, the latter has done its best to serve its customers’ needs in the wake of one never ending tropical storm. I even was invited to jump the two-hour curbside baggage check line this morning for complimenting an agent for his steadfast commitment to remaining calm amidst so much passenger anger misdirected towards him.

I’ve been grounded a lot this summer- in Charleston, WV, Charlotte, NC, Atlanta, GA, and Newark, NJ- the last again, again, and with a couple more flights in and out of there this summer, probably again and again. Having bounced between coasts residentially and for work and for pleasure, I’ve done my fair share of travel over the years. However, I’ve never before spent so many hours on tarmacs nor disembarked a plane at 2:00AM and had to carry my suitcase the entire route to Ground Transportation for fear of wheeling over a stranded traveler sleeping on the ground. Last night Newark Airport easily could have been mistaken for a refugee camp- mothers suckling babes while propped up against overflowing trashcans, couples cuddling carry-on luggage in McDonald’s booths while they slept to ward off vandals, a sister-of-a-bride sobbing at the realization that she and her sister’s wedding dress would be arriving post-ceremony. I’d safely guesstimate that more flights were cancelled along the Atlantic Coast in the last 36-hours than ran or were delayed. I’m glad I poured out the leftover drops of water from my aluminum water bottle before hitting security this morning. I’ve never felt so secure.

A better time to recommit to my summer challenge, “How do I make this an opportunity to practice patience,” unimaginable. My choice to join the twenty-first century and purchase a Blackberry this week, (so that when pilots claim we’re leaving any minute I can check the airline’s webpage and get the real scoop), stellar. The chances of me driving from Portland to Seattle without falling asleep at the wheel…… odds I’m not comfortable calculating.

Crafting My Vows

2008-07-21T18:37:00.003-04:00

I sat down after an exhilarating first session with a client this morning, determined to crank out a chapter or two of my developing book, as I head off tomorrow to Atlanta then Seattle and Portland over the next two weeks for "reflecting, reunioning, and refueling" before I transition from fiancee to wife in Kauai mid-August.

This is not going to be an excuse for failing to accomplish the aforementioned objective. But rather, it's a giddy sharing of how I took my impulse to write and channeled it into something for more urgent.... and important. Time management at its best.

So yes, the title says it all. I wrote my vows. They came in a burst, really. Prompted by a visit with Steve yesterday to the Liberty Science Center where I found a bunch of inspirational cards. I plan to patch them together into a poster, an anthem for my life and my work, to hang by my desk.

In any case, I started with some words of Souza from one of the cards and then approximately 700 words later I realized I said all that needed to be said to the man who everyday energizes and empowers me to live the questions I was born to answer.

It's so hard having a secret from Steve, from my mother, and friends, from anyone and everyone, actually. I've made the decision not to sure more than what I'm posting here before the speech is performed ocean side on August 18. I'm sure I'll continue to tinker with my phrasing as time allows, perhaps add another allusion to a silly memory or quote dialogue from another song.

But, uh, yeah. Once Steve and I make the trip, get our marriage license, and I transfer my already designed seating chart to my already purchased table cards, I can just show up and be merry-d.

Who would have thunk that this wedding planning just gets easier the closer "The Day" gets?! (And the more expensive fuel and stagnant our economy gets, the fewer the people who are able to show up and the more affordable this often times quintessential commodity of capitalism becomes!)

Shout Out from a Hypocrite

2008-07-03T18:44:00.004-04:00

I am white. And I am Greek. The latter is not a mere aside, a pathetic attempt to escape my racial privilege, but rather to contextualize where I'm headed. You see, because of the former I have little pigment, and because of the latter, an abundance of moles. The kind that lend themselves to skin cancer. And yet, I let myself go into the sun yesterday without sunscreen. I've done this just a handful of times in the past, which is a good thing since I make it a habit to chastise most of my friends for underusing sunblock, but never before have I burned quite like this. What's worse, I baked like a lobster while on the phone with my father lambasting me for not encouraging Steve to see a doctor for his growing cyst and kvetching over my half sister's pink eye and half brother's possible basal cell carcinoma. Now, I will have to wear my sin in a scarlet speckled rash-like burn through my 6-year anniversary and engagement party over the holiday weekend. But you can be sure, I will NEVER be without my SPF 30 again!

Paparazzi of Hope

2008-06-10T14:37:00.004-04:00

I had the honor of attending Steve's long-awaited graduation yesterday, and I found myself immensely inspired not only by his nearly 150 fellow-graduates, lauded by CUNY professors, administrators, and guest speakers as "cheeky, [insert any WB, Gen-Y adjective of your choosing], spalunkers" but also by the words of John Hockenberry. It was a treat to hear the renowned author, journalist, commentator, and solo performer share his musings on everything from the merits of the newly named CUNY BA in Unique and Interdisciplinary Studies to Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama to disability. But I perhaps most appreciated his phrase "Paparazzi of Hope." Unlike McCain's less motivational and tired spinning of Obama rhetoric, "A Leader We Can Believe In," Hockenberry used his turn of an Obama slogan both to comment on the mass taking of pictures at the Cooper Union event and to suggest that the graduates return to these pictures often for they document a moment in their lives where the vast majority of the adult, and in many cases, older adult graduates, have surmounted inconceivable obstacles to receive their specialized degrees. And what will make these pictures endure is not high resolution/pixel count, but if they are capturing a moment in these students' lives, contextualized by a poignant moment in American history, when they decided to use their strengths, beliefs, ideas, education, and practical experience to do something to get America back on its course.

This is certainly the hardest economic time my country has experienced in my lifetime. And as someone who lives in the messy space between idealism and realism, I do believe we Americans will rally and make this country as great as it should be based on our collective strengths. In the meantime, I want to keep taking a lot of pictures so that my desire to look back on them ten or twenty years from now with nostalgia as I recollect a moment where my country and I decided we could do better than just looking out for our own self-interests and bottom line, propels me to step beyond my own self-imposed fears, limitations, and excuses and do something great with my own internal and external resources.

When Bigger is Better

2008-06-03T17:14:00.003-04:00

Part of me secretly hoped I wouldn't love her. That I'd turn her on for the morning and evening news, my Pilates workout video, but that other than that, she'd be on her own- a neglected, latchkey child. I could continue to delude myself that I upgrade technology about a year or two after the rest of my generation simply to stay in "the know."

But alas, I'm no more of an ascete than Henry David Thoreau (who might have lived in the woods but was nonetheless just a 20-minute walk from his family in Concord). Even Steve knows enough to book our first camping trip at a fully-catered forest camping resort. But hey, at least it's not "glamping".

I digress.

I'm like a mom sitting at an interview at an upper-crust private school. I can't stop singing her praises, wanting everyone to know just how perfect she is. I wax to my parents, my friends, fellow commuters on the PATH and the subway, and really, to be honest, just about anyone who will listen to me.

She's big, bright, and 100% bad-ass. She is my new, 40'' Samsung LCD HD flat screen.

The Power of a Word

2008-05-13T11:26:00.003-04:00

Since attending the American Alliance for Theatre and Education Leadership Institute last February, one of my favorite coaching and self-reflection exercises has been Steve Barberio's Personal Values Checklist. One walks away from this exercise having identified his/her three core values which must be in alignment professionally and personally at all times in order to live a happy, productive, and meaningful life. I had the opportunity to discuss how the identification of my three core values has impacted my life with my Institute partner just a few moments ago. And in the last moments of our conversation, I hit upon one of those juicy a-ha moments. While I have understood how to live out two of my values- Personal Freedom and Achievement- I've had a harder time making sense of and feeling committed to my third value- Service. According to the exercise, the last one is defined as "dedicated to helping others." While the definition and word resonated enough with me to pick that value, something hasn't felt quite right about it over the last three or so months. There's something inherently disempowering in the words "serving" and "helped". I don't want to engage in anything that is depleting for me or enabling to another. So I've decided to baptize the value of service and her new name shall be Contribution, which I'm defining as "dedicated to empowering others." I think I may have just found the question I was born to answer: how do I forge a life committed to this value?!

A Tale of Two Cheaters

2008-05-08T18:27:00.002-04:00

In the last week, I've had two speech students cheat... themselves, their classmates, and me. Both pasted together online research papers and read them without so much as a single citation or a bibliography.

Fortunately, I've never had to confront a partner about infidelity. Nevertheless, letting a student know you are "on" to him/her feels just as dirty, and unfortunately has been happening with increasing frequency over the last couple of semesters. I know that these breeches of integrity do not have to do with me but with the specific students making the choice to plagiarize. So why can't I stop feeling like I failed as a teacher, facilitator, and coach for not creating a culture where students believed enough in themselves to put their own ideas into the classroom? And when it comes time to hold my students accountable, how do I make it a learning opportunity rather than simply reiterating what the students must have been saying to themselves to act out of integrity in the first place? How do I not reinforce low self-worth, helplessness, or whatever other maladaptive thoughts and behaviors patterns spawned the plagiarism, but rather inspire them to acknowledge their wrongdoing and help them develop whatever internal or external resources are necessary not to cheat themselves or others in the future.

A Surreal Day in the Life of Lex

2008-05-02T11:12:00.004-04:00

8:30AM-9:30AM- Wake up to Plato licking my ear. Decide to sneak in a couple of chapters from The Peabody Sisters (trying to pretend I'm still on my American Revolution/Transcendentalism road trip) rather than re-commit to a workout regimen.

9:30AM-11:00AM- Wash my face, throw on some clothes, scarf down some cereal, finish grading some student speeches, and make my third trip in two weeks to the Soho Mac store. She's become the little laptop that just can't.

11:00AM-11:45AM- Try to get invested in my new book on Greece while making the trip into the city but find it easier to stare at fellow commuters and listen to Feist on loop. Sea lions remind me of the Mystic Aquarium. Aquariums remind me of Steve. And Steve and Mystic thoughts make me happy.

11:45AM-12:00PM- My Mercury Retrograde-esque Spring seems to be done. MacBooky is back, my cell phone has been reborn (in the body of an LG), and although I'm reminded that I'm the Apple Store's favorite customer, hope I don't need to return until I'm ready to upgrade to MacBook Air. Ah, I've seen her a lot as of late. And she is sex-ee!

12:00PM-12:20PM- A rather uneventful commute up to the UWS. Am surprised to see my first Homeless Pacific Islander living out of my subway car. Want to do something other than give a handout but know that today won't be the day. But when will "tomorrow" be?

12:20PM-12:30PM- Deposit money and cheques at WaMu. Glad not to be withdrawing.

12:30PM-12:45PM- As I head down to MLK HS for my teaching artist session, I'm knocked nearly off the sidewalk onto Amsterdam by a guy running with a backpack towards the subway station at 72nd. A woman careens into the street after him, the backpack is thrown, and now a heap of guys are running in the street, holding indiscernible loot to their chests, more women are screaming, and the nannies of color with their pasty newborns and me are paralyzed watching this bizarre scene unfold. Security officers storm out of a Chase bank on the corner. One of the women starts beating her thief now that he's restrained, and while the woman next to me calls 911, three cars of officers show up. I continue down Amsterdam, not wanting to be late. I have a hard time catching my breath but I must go. As I go through the metal detector at the school, I can't help but feel that my students have already been socialized for a life behind bars.

12:45PM-2:15PM- I direct scenes of varying quality. The rehearsal is pretty status quo. I make sure to laugh a lot.

2:15PM-3:30PM- Catch my appropriate trains, deter before the PATH for a Jamba Juice, pick up some much needed floss, scan the magazine rack and discover I once knew "the most beautiful person of the year," and I'm home.

3:30PM-4:00PM- Reload all of my files back onto the Mac. Again.

4:00PM-5:00PM- My only coaching session of the day. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. So I don't.

5:00PM-5:30PM- As I respond to some student email, overhear neighbors talking outside the door in the laundry room. Press my ear against it and patch together a convoluted story that leads me to realize our unit might be sold. Or the association dues might be going up. Either way, we may be forced to move at the end of our lease. Fu$#ck, that's in 1 month!

5:30PM-6:00PM- Stew in my bedroom about what to do, put some enchiladas into the oven, stew some more, and realize there's nothing I can do tonight so decide to buckle down for my tele-class.

6:00PM-7:00PM- My first Coach U Integrating Tele-classes into Coaching Class. Thrilled to have Jim as a facilitator again. He really gets my juices flowing.

7:00PM-8:00PM- Steve comes home, we eat, we discuss a plan of action regarding the apartment, we get ready for the Thursday NBC line-up.

8:00PM-10:00PM- We perform our appropriate opening credit dances for each show, nibble on some sorbet and ice cream, and Steve tries to calm me down as I start calculating moving expenses. I realize just how much I love our home.

10:00PM-11:00PM- Steve naps on my lap while I watch some election footage. The Dems REALLY need to end this mess.

11:00PM-11:30PM- Wash up for bed, Steve and I do our habitual game of hide-n-go seek (yup, really can't give up our great living space), and drift off to sleep without effort.

24 Hours of Brushes with Celebrity

2008-04-14T16:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, Steve and I took a big ole trip into Brooklyn to see Janice Erlbaum read excerpts from her brand spanking new novel, Have You Found Her: A Memoir, at Stain Bar. It was nice to catch up with the owner Krista, who was beautiful and sparkly like any pregnant fiancee should be.

I have to confess, I don't do readings often. I find that the voices I perform in my head typically bring me more pleasure than the ones of the author. And the last reading Steve and I went to was for my anthology, which coincided with one of our biyearly fights. And although I enjoyed the yummy, attentive audience at Bluestockings, the memory has been shrouded by visions of my fiatner, well, I guess he was just a partner at the time, checking his watch and muttering under his breath about rushing down to the Lower East Side only to sit in a stinky, overcrowded room waiting for me to read.

But I digress. Steve and I sojourned to the Burg because Janice's narration spoke to me as I consumed it in less than 48 hours this week. Despite a multiplicity of professional pressures, I lost myself in Janice's tale of trying to rescue another soul and the truths such a journey revealed to her about herself. Really, the right book for me this week... this month.... this lifetime! I shared my response with Janice and found her to be delightful- interested in my writing, my engagement, and my work. I felt like an awkward tween at a Hannah Montana concert, dancing between wanting to be Hannah and make out with her. Confidant, feminist wordsmiths are just so sexy to me.

Today, I had the opportunity to introduce Dan Aykroyd before he gave some introductory remarks at the Shakespeare Festival. While we spoke very briefly, primarily for me to shake his hand and present him with The Complete Works of William Shakespeare for his time and energy, I did have a chance to speak at a bit more length with his wife, Donna Dixon, and his daughter, who performed. I was so thoroughly impressed by the former's genuine interest in my Sacred Heart school education and the ability for the Festival to introduce students of varying educational, racial, and class backgrounds to one another and give them the space to share their impressions of one another's work. She truly got the pedagogy underpinning the Festival, and it reminded me that privilege does not have to be a dirty word.

My Year as a Fiancee

2008-04-11T19:54:00.004-04:00

It's been nearly a year since I launched my eighteen months as a fiancee.... nearly a year since I produced the last Student Shakespeare Festival, discovered St. Thomas and my affinity for island life, gave notice at the Creative Arts Team, moved to New Jersey, formalized my coaching and training company..... began a period of joyous engagement to my partner, my work, and most importantly to myself.

Today, as I welcomed a new group of young people to the 15th Annual New York City Student Shakespeare Festival, I fought to swallow a mounting tear bubble when I gave my introductory address, realizing how much had transpired since I had last stood under the bright white lights of the Lucille Lortel Theatre.

Someone once told me that there are years that pass where you can't quite make sense of how you've spent all of your time. Well, this last one has been just the opposite. I know exactly what I've done, what I've started, what I've ended, what I've questioned, what I've survived, and what I've relived.

As I type, I look down at my pink sapphire band, a bit tickled that I've left it sans a stone for the last two months since one fell out. It's beautiful but over the last year the ring has lost a bit of its luster, slid against a few too many inanimate objects, taken a few too many hits. But there's something strangely comforting about looking down at the ring and having it be a mirror for myself.... my year..... It's imperfect, a little damaged, but it hangs in there. That's what this wedding stuff is supposed to be about right, committing, for better or for worse. But now, I'm ready, really, really ready for more of the better!

No.... and Yes

2008-02-24T12:07:00.004-05:00

I have a really hard time saying no in most contexts. I thrive on immersing myself in a variety of projects at once. Whether it's my successful American socialization or undiagnosed Adult ADD, I perform best when I commit myself fully to an activity for short increments and then move on to a new one.

Lately, I have been doing this strange dance of saying no to activities/events that are a usual part of my routine (e.g. acting in theatre productions, getting together with friends, networking at professional meetings) while saying yes to opportunities I have not done before. Whether committing several weeks this summer to volunteer as a Rap Director with College Summit, a fantastic organization that partners with school districts, school administrators, teachers, parents, and students to ensure that more urban youth attend AND graduate from college, or volunteering to devise a piece of theatre about the complex history of birth control pioneer Marget Sanger for New Jersey City University's Women's History Month, I create space in my life and schedule only to fill it with new endeavors.

I have a busy week ahead, and I know I must challenge myself to go a full seven days without saying yes to another project, no matter how sexy it may sound in theory. And now, rather than spending another moment musing on my sometimes poor time management, I'm going to treat myself to my Sunday chai latte and New York Times with Steve before catching "The Feminine Mystique" at The Jersey City Museum.

"No," Lex. For just a few days, ole gal, you must think "no."

Today, I Cried...

2008-01-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

... and it felt fantastic!

For the last forty-eight hours, both Steve and I fought a nasty stomach flu during which our 1200 square foot duplex suddenly felt mighty small. We engaged in a "sick" dance, rotating between fighting one another for use of our sole bathroom and cleaning up our uncontrollable body spillage.

But that's not when, or why, I cried. Losing more weight in a day than I worked to gain in a month has elicited only laughter. So far.

I finally had to pull myself out of bed to teach this afternoon, and I went on to facilitate one of the best classes of my career. I felt rejuvenated to be dressed up, at the front of a room, leading an interactive, participant-centered social justice class. Because I still felt a wee bit nauseous and weak, I found myself working more effortlessly than usual, at times not even bothering to cross the room to keep a constant hold of my notes and throwing back water like it was going out of style.

So why did I cry? During my short commute home, I couldn't get my students, their questions, beliefs, observations, and curiosities out of my head. By not trying so hard in class, by actually being full present to my students and asking questions that enabled them to relate our material to themselves and to their communities, I think I empowered them to see how they make choices that have a micro and macro impact each and everyday. For the first time this early in a semester, students actually saw and were able to share how they can be agents of change by embracing constructionist versus essentialist world views.

As I left the Hudson County Light Rail this evening, with the wind whipping at my face, I realized how privileged I am to love so completely the work that I do.

And then the waterworks started.

I get to play to my strengths everyday, learn from a variety of different people, and make an impact on the lives I touch. I get paid to ask questions to individuals and groups that help them find professional, academic and personal success. I get to challenge people outside of their comfort zones to find how they can achieve results that will bring them, their families, and their colleagues lasting happiness. Even on my sick days, (and yes, less than a month into 2008 there have been a lot of them), it's good to be Alexia.

Socially Conscious Impulse Buy

2007-12-30T20:46:00.000-05:00

I had to shop this weekend.

I thought I could satiate my need to "consume" through purchasing some post-holiday sale clothing. But despite finding ridiculously marked down slacks at Express yesterday, I found myself easily frustrated trying on clothes that dwarf my now slightly emaciated frame. While I know what size I should wear and will wear once I heal, my need for commodity consumption only reminded me that I'm "halfway" between where I was in early December and where I plan to be by the end of January 2008. (As you will discover from my last blog entry, I'm haunted this week by Sapphire's halfway house metaphor).

Today, as my partner and cat fly home without me, I'm buried in Forces for Good: The Six Practices of High-Impact Nonprofits by Leslie Crutchfield (Ashoka) and Heather McLeod Grant (CSI-Stanford). While scribbling down notes for an upcoming speech, I remembered my broken holiday plan to make a loan to an emerging international small business owner through Kiva (www.kiva.org). My plan to spend money this weekend was hatched!

It may have been the fastest online purchase I've ever made. I simply went to the site, found a loan applicant, filled out my profile, and made my donation via PayPal (which will be repaid in 12 months), in less than 3 minutes. And now, I'm the proud lender to a Pakistani auto repair shop!

I encourage anyone interested in launching into 2008 by doing something to promote responsible globalization to checkout the website. One can be a lender for just $25.00 and Kiva has a tremendous track record and is featured in Bill Clinton's Giving.

The Waiting Game

2007-12-27T19:42:00.001-05:00

I don't like to wait. When I have an idea or a desire, I like to take action, no matter how small it may be. Forward motion equals upward motion is one of my motto's. However, for the rest of the year and 2-3 weeks into the next, I can take little.

At the moment, with "rhino rockets" and tubes strewn across my face that make me look like a sci-fi villain, I'm charged with the task of not moving, eating A LOT to regain my strength and my weight, and staying off the plane that is necessary to take me home. Very few people have the opportunity to have complications from the same, routine nasal surgery twice in their lifetime. But I am special.

I've been showered with well wishes and inspiration from friends, family, and clients feeding me back my own sentiments and recommendations- visualize, read good books, catch up on movies, meditate, take a bath, indulge....

In addition to nourishing myself with holiday leftovers and gratitude, I'm trying, as much as possible, not to think about excitement and prosperity that will come or that has been, but rather to be fully alive to what's going on around me (even though it doesn't always feel like much).

One of my favorite images that I use with women's studies students is from Sapphire's push. It's the idea that a halfway house is halfway between where you've been and where you want to be. At the moment, my halfway house, even though a bit mundane, is finding acceptance with stillness and a lack of activity..... a strange state of being for this time of the year but one I'm trying to embrace by thinking "yes!" rather than "why?" nevertheless.

Registering for Change

2007-11-24T21:21:00.001-05:00

I've become consumed with deciding which NGO or nonprofit Steve and I should have our friends and family donate to on our behalf. I'm inclined to support a group I do not normally give time or money to for I'm really desiring an organization where our loved ones can see exactly where there money is going. (Having monetary benchmarks always mobilizes giving!)

If our marriage can help send young women to school, combat illiteracy, reduce carbon emissions, or provide funding to emerging entrepreneurs in developing nations, I'd be titillated beyond words.

The two organizations I'm most jazzed about, in no small part because of the impressive social entrepreneurs who launched them, include-

-Room to Read (roomtoread.org)- $2500 funds 10 years of young women's primary education in a variety of Southeast Asian countries and $3000 builds a library in an existing school

-Women for Women International (womenforwomen.org)- $27/month supports a female survivor of war to rebuild her business and her life

I'd be interested to hear others' thoughts on where to register. Let the comments begin!

Thank You, Suzanne(s)!

2007-11-15T10:51:00.000-05:00

I love Thursdays. I try to make them the day where I work solely from home, drink obscene amounts of chai or lavender earl grey tea, and frequently stay in my pajamas. I also try to spend much of the day reading for pleasure and indulging in at least 1 of the 3 hours of The Today Show. This morning I caught the tail end- a look at the individuals the hosts would like to thank.

Perhaps it's cliche to do one's thanking around the holidays. But if living a life of gratitude is to become habitual, there's nothing like Thanksgiving to enable one to take stock of how she is doing. So this morning, I'd like to say thank you to two women who've inspired and shaped the direction of my professional life- Suzanne Turner and Suzanne Evans.

Ms. Turner, who I now get to call Sue, was my eleventh and twelfth grade History teacher. She was the first person I heard use the "F" word, and I don't mean the one you might think. One of my favorite high school projects with her was selecting a prominent woman in American culture and giving a first person monologue about her vision of the world. I chose Tracy Chapman. Because of Ms. Turner, I learned to see culture, women, and most importantly myself as an agent of social change. I saw the potential for educators to be activists and for the classroom to be a space to rehearse for one's performance in life.

Suzanne Evans was the first coach to take me under her wings. With a similar background in education and theatre, she encouraged me to see the value of my nontraditional business background and challenged me to want to challenge my clients to push themselves out of their comfort zones to more aggressively fulfill their own potential. She continues to inspire me with her work with new coaches, her contagious joy for her life and for the lives of her clients, and her desire to throw up the model of how coaching can be done.

Thank you Suzannes for sharing your gifts with me and with countless other students and coachees!

Guilty Pleasure or Necessary Indulgence

2007-10-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

I did something very out of character for me the other night. After an evening client rescheduled at the last moment, I decided to have a wild night in with my fiance, Steve. We made dark chocolate brownies, opened a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and cuddled with our cat Plato while watching half of the first season of Entourage.

For a heartbeat, I woke up the next morning and wondered if I could have put my late Tuesday night to better use. But midway through my first Speech class, I realized I couldn't have. For like most people, I always have "something" I can be working on. But when I habitually forget to schedule time for myself and for play, or in this case some sugar-filled, tail bone soothing misogyny, I'm not investing in myself. And then, I'm not investing in my future.

I spent last night doing the latter. I attended a lecture and Q and A at the Woodhull Institute with Manisha Thakor, co-author of On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl's Guide to Personal Finance. I was a bit self-satisfied, knowing I had taken advantage of a good deal ($20 for a book and a Harvard MBA answering every one of my saving, investing, and protecting questions). But on my ride home, I found myself asking- should I really be taking a trip to Bali when I could be maxing out my Roth IRA?

As most friends and family know, I vowed that if I received a particular recent account that I would reward myself with a trip to Bali within the next year. I got the account. The picture of Bali greets me daily on my computer. It was while reading Eat, Pray, Love that I did my first brainstorm for my current book. I know that I would finally get tan if I were in Ubud, just as I know that a night off is a necessary indulgence. But is my trip to Bali simply a guilty, perhaps misguided pleasure?

Bruises

2007-10-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

It's funny that a little world like "bruise" can stand for so many things. While I'm having a grand ole time in my newest collective creation with The Stolen Chair Theatre Company, Kinderspiel, I'm a bit bruised at the moment.

Last night, in the midst of a theatrical temper tantrum, I threw myself on the ground and landed inappropriately on a loose mannequin leg. If you want to know what such a leg was doing center stage please check out the show, (www.stolenchair.org). I feel very blessed to have a tempur pedic bed because over twelve hours later my bum is SWOLLEN and memory foam seems to be the only thing to assuage the pain. My partner Steve has confirmed I truly have a third tushy cheek. This injury, while a painful nuisance, will heal. Unfortunately, some of my other bruises apparently have not.

I received a call from my father yesterday informing me that he would be bringing my half brother's partner to the play next week. This has distressed me quite a bit. As the people close to me know, we have been estranged for ten years. I made the decision at a young age not to keep people in my life who have betrayed me and are unwilling to take accountability for their actions. And no matter how much I perform or write about this childhood bruise, trying to find what colleagues Jon Stancato and Kiran Rikhye have coined, "the playful space between the earnest and the ironic," the black and blue around my heart doesn't ever quite heal. To forgive does not mean to forget.

So I head out into another temperate October day, in search of a donut pillow, hoping to find some comfort reading along the Jersey City waterfront before I return to my play about childhood, full of internal and external bruises in need of some healing.

Reflections on 9/11/07

2007-09-12T12:24:00.000-04:00

I did not live in New York on 9/11/01. At the time, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of two years and was in the midst of launching a nonprofit girls' leadership after-school program. Like many Americans, in the weeks following the tragedy, I conceded to my desire to watch the news incessantly, made sure I said "I love you" to my loved ones on a much more regular basis, and immediately questioned why President Bush's nationwide "Call to Mourn" translated into bombing Afghanistan and collapsing the notion of patriotism with American commodity consumption.

Over the last 6 years, my views on 9/11/01 have not changed much. I continue to empathize with those who lost loved ones during the attacks and in their aftermath, and I still critique and question our national response to the tragedies.

Yesterday was my first time passing through the WTC site on a subsequent 9/11. Because I live in Jersey City, the PATH train is my main source of transportation into Manhattan. I didn't think through whether or not my usual route would pose any logistical or personal problems for me prior to boarding it.

And indeed it did!

Although I hated myself for indulging in nonproductive reminiscing over what the people in the towers and planes must have been experiencing 6 years ago when time ran out on them, I nevertheless did. Like many of my fellow PATH riders, I sobbed when our train emerged from the PATH tunnel and we were forced to look out on the reconstruction of the site.

I hoped to pull myself together when I left the station, but my startling surge of emotion only continued. The area outside the WTC PATH terminal was an amalgam of protesters, mourners, tourists, and commuters. However, one daily staple of my WTC experience was missing- the African merchants. At first, I thought that the rain must have kept them home. However, I soon realized that the streets were papered with white American merchants selling a host of 9/11 memorabilia. And then I began to wonder, was there perhaps some other force keeping these immigrant men and women away? And from there, I began to wonder and grow a bit outraged as I began to realize that many of these merchants are from countries where terror and genocide are a way of life. Whether or not these men and women had the choice of whether to avoid schlepping their fake handbags and watches to the WTC site or the choice was made for them, when was their national day of mourning and remembrance going to happen? When will my nation move from sensationalizing its relatively limited experiences of terror to opening its eyes to the daily terror that haunts our global neighbors? When will we, when will I, know how to reconcile my desire to reach out to the men and women whose birthplace has dictated that their best opportunity for survival means hocking counterfeit products on the NYC streets with my desire not to fund that which is illegal? When will 9/11 stop being a day that the American community looks back but rather looks to the present and stops closing its eyes to the terror that reigns in the Sudan, in Iraq, and throughout much of the rest of the world?

The Benefits of Vacationing Close to Home

2007-08-27T21:15:00.001-04:00

Rather than traveling together to our respective homes in Anchorage and Seattle, my partner Steve and I opted to spend our summer vacation in the Greater New York and New Jersey area. And despite some unsavory weather, most of the week we were forced to tromp through rain and substitute our bathing suits for rain jackets and boots, we had one of the best vacations of our relationship. While being a tourist in our own backyard brought us to the awesome Judy Chicago and Global Feminisms exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum, to the lush New York Botanical Gardens, to our old stomping grounds for a tour at the Lower East Side Tenement Museum, to 2 chocolate bars and a cupcake house, to Steve's first salsa and modern dance classes, and to a host of other delicious meals and thought provoking sights, perhaps what I will treasure most from our vacation is how it helped me to reevaluate the way I move through most of my weeks.

Because Steve and I divided our vacation in half, sharing the role of tour guide and planning secret itineraries that the other would discover when taken by foot and/or by public transportation from one site to the next, we often forgot that we hadn't left home. We did a lot and yet we never felt tired or compromised, as we typically do during the week. Being busy 100% on our terms, meaning we didn't attend our usual meetings or events, run around to catch up with friends, or turn on a television, enabled us to be 100% present to whatever activity we were immersed in.

As the week went on, both Steve and I found ourselves surprising the other with more and more stays in bookstores, coffeehouses, and gardens as we both relished not letting ourselves get bogged down with the mundane of the everyday but rather enjoying opportunities for self-reflection, beauty, and engaged conversation. I realized soon into the week that I live so much of my life doing what I believe I "should" be in business, with friends, or even in leisure. I've long known that drinking chai lattes and reading a book in one sitting is one of my favorite activities. Yet, I schedule my time otherwise. While I certainly have no intention of hibernating with Steve in Paulus Hook, I realize that I am simply no good to myself or others when I live my life in a perpetual state of should. It's hard for me to say no to others and it has been even harder for me to say yes to myself. I have vowed to change.

And day two post-vacation, I'm succeeding. I awoke before the sun rose this morning for my first day of teaching at John Jay College, feeling the same surge of energy I felt last week. As I walked to the PATH, I smiled at the neighborhood construction workers, walked peacefully along the Hudson and soaked up some early morning rays, passed on my usual herbal rescue remedy for I felt as peaceful and present as a yogi, and continued to beam throughout my whole day of back-to-back teaching. I want to feel like this everyday of my life, and gosh darn it, I'm going to channel my new found energy into ensuring that I do!

If You Cannot Control It, Let It Go

2007-07-27T19:43:00.001-04:00

I have now been without home mail service for 4 days. I have made two face-to-face visits to my local post office, called the USPS customer service line, and even left a friendly note for my mail carrier on the outside of my mailbox. I spent a good 2/3 of today, a day I earmarked for relishing my new MacBook, obsessing over what will happen if my mail doesn't come. I've even done some visualization of the mail arriving in my mail box in an attempt to will it to come. (This is why I don't recommend The Secret to my clients!)

But now, at 7:45PM on what would have been my grandmother's 91st birthday, I'm through. I make a living supporting others to let go of that which they cannot control. I've been proactive about trying to remedy the mail situation, so now I'm going to follow my own advice. I'm going to control the only thing I can in this situation, how I respond to it. My unreceived mail shall not zap any more of my energy and thinking. I'm going to dedicate myself to having a nice Friday night with my partner!

Negotiating Presence

2007-07-19T14:07:00.002-04:00

One of the core coaching competencies of the International Coach Federation (ICF) is to stay present in all coaching sessions, to be 100% free of mental chatter and judgment. As a self-affirmed multi-tasker, this charge is something I try to practice daily so that I don't have to turn my focus "on" just with my clients. But as I discovered yesterday, it can backfire!

I love riding the PATH train. I love its seats, cleanliness, predictable schedule, and for the most part, have enjoyed the amiability of my fellow commuters. Yesterday evening I hopped on at 23rd Street after an inspiring ICF-NYC internet marketing meeting (although I have to confess I clearly will not be taking Deborah Gallant's recommendation NOT to blog to heart). My fellow New Jerseyites were chattering away about the steam pipe explosion on the east side, and I decided to engage in the conversation by putting my iPod and book away. I asked one of the gentleman who explained he'd been on Lexington and seen a man across the street have skin burned off his face if he was okay. He confided, "Yes, I'm here and I'm not injured." And I responded, "No. Are you REALLY okay?"

Fast forward 20 minutes and I have not said another word to this man. I've nodded at least a dozen times, maintained eye contact and smiled, but I haven't opened my mouth. He, on the other hand, has launched into a spoken word performance about the perils of living in America in 2007, Michael Moore's Sicko and whether or not to defect to Canada, Iraq, 911, Desert Storm, Rwanda..... I don't disagree with much if anything the gentleman has said. But when I got off the PATH, I felt like I was the victim of something greater than noise pollution. Sure, I get paid to listen, but I felt passively aggressively bullied into conceding my ordinarily peaceful commute home to this stranger. Had I been a little less present, no doubt I would have found an opportunity to slide in an earphone, yawn and feign exhaustion, or slip back into We Wish to Inform You... But when I am truly present, I'm not able to reflect on my options, decide whether someone is "crazy" or just in need of someone to listen to him/her. Being present makes one vulnerable. And while I enjoy such exposure in many contexts, I discovered yesterday that I don't enjoy it when I feel like I have no choice in the exchange.

Relishing the Afterglow

2007-06-21T16:50:00.001-04:00

As I prepare to reenter student mode next week, for I am attending a one-week coaching intensive, I have been dutifully setting time aside for completing my pre-workshop work. I've been asked by the workshop facilitators to identify 4 or 5 challenges or goals that I would like to work through during my time in Portland. And I'm a bit giddy to say, that was really hard for me. I have no problem being introspective, but I realized that in just about every area of my life, I'm right where I want to be. I've got a thriving coaching practice with dynamic, motivating clients, a spacious new home, daily access to a park and to the Hudson River, a healthy and loving partner..... life is really pretty extraordinary. Now, I'm sure that after enough pondering I'll come up with some "stuff" to work on. But realizing that I've recently achieved a lot of the goals I have set for myself professionally and personally deserves some pause and celebration. For in coaching and in life, it is so easy simply to create visions for the future, troubleshoot obstacles that emerge as we work toward them, and adjust our goals or create new ones. While I encourage clients to celebrate their achievements, be they as mundane as putting together a challenging piece of furniture or as noteworthy as getting an article published (and don't worry, I'm giving examples from my own life not the lives of my clients'), it genuinely is important to give ourselves permission to sit in the afterglow of our accomplishments. If we don't, it is just too darn easy to forget why working on ourselves is important and we make ourselves vulnerable to burnout.

A Little Birthday Eve Waxing

2007-05-31T16:31:00.000-04:00

One should never move too close to her birthday! Both events have a tendency to make one, at least me, reflect a bit too deeply on all that has transpired in one's life thus far. And conceding to this double dose of introspection, well, has left me feeling a bit like a walking Oprah episode sans the tissue. Fortunately, I continue to be successful, at least for now, at swallowing any mounting tears that occasionally mount.

Truly, I have reached the end of an era. While I delight in moving out of my mid-twenties and into my late-twenties, I cannot help but wonder how nearly four years in New York have passed. I remember dreaming of coming to New York University, of living in the East Village, and of fusing my interests in theatre and social change by performing with an ensemble theatre and working as a teaching artist. While I will continue to work with The Stolen Chair Theatre Company, my work at the Creative Arts Team will inevitably have to change as I leave my full-time position at the Kaplan Center to make time for additional teaching and coaching. For the first time since I relocated to New York, I will now have the gift of space. Moving across the Hudson to Jersey City will not only afford me a quieter, greener, cleaner, and perhaps friendlier space in which to create work and retreat. It will actually give me space! Steve and I are tickled that our new duplex is truly three times the size of our old digs. Whether I want to create a performance, practice pilates or ballet, or have 30 of my closest friends over, ha, I will now be able to do it.

Cheers to the next chapter of my life!

Soul Food from the Kids

2007-04-14T10:02:00.001-04:00

I discourage teaching on Mondays in the Spring semester of a year. Between Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Presidents' Day, bizarre public school spring breaks that span over a week, one feels like s/he is never with her students. I've really felt disconnected from many of my babes this year for this very reason. Just as we begin to let down our guards and genuinely engage with one another, I don't see them for a week. In the words of any of my ancestors, oy!

However, this week both of my university classes gave me moments to remember why I fight to step into a classroom whenever possible, why facilitating discussions and trying to impart the little wisdom I have on others lets me joyously remain a perpetual student. Because as I hope many veteran educators have experienced, the more one teaches, the more s/he learns from those she is engaging with. And that might just be the greatest rush there is, helping shape minds that in return shape mine!

One student, easily one of if not the most well spoken, well read, dedicated, students I have encountered, asked this last Monday if I had ever taught elementary school because I planned our class sessions with more detail than he had ever experienced. Not knowing if he was diagnosing me with ADD or feeling intellectually stifled, I asked him to say more. He said that because I created so much structure, he felt safe to take risks and to put his voice into the room in a variety of ways, something he never previously felt comfortable doing. Without any prodding, because let's face it, it's hard not to eat up a student compliment, he continued to laud me for my classroom pedagogy and said that my class was the only one that resonated with and honored his life experiences. Another one of my students shared that although she hates school, is failing all of her classes, sadly mine included, that she comes consistently to my class just to engage in the discussions and to hear my sarcastic humor. Perhaps the experience will keep her in school at least another semester, which seemed unlikely three months back.

It's so easy as an educator to allow one's self to get bogged down by the truancy (even at the university level), bureaucracy, apathy, and lack of academic preparedness. I constantly question how a co-intentional classroom can take place when I am trying to meet my students at 25 very different, unfamiliar places. But every once and a while, it's nice when a student reminds me that I am making an impact, however small it may be. I may not be able to save Darfur today (although last night's fundraiser did raise just under $800!), but perhaps I will help inspire a group of young people that collectively will!

Yet Another Reminder To Embrace Each Breath of Life

2007-03-16T14:41:00.000-04:00

As most New York City residents have heard over the last few days, David Garvin, a dishonorably discharged Marine, opened fire on the streets of Greenwich Village just after 9:15PM on Wednesday night, taking the life of Alfred Romero and NYU students/auxiliary officers Nicholas Pekearo and Eugene Marshalik. My friend and Stolen Chair Theatre Company colleague, Cameron J. Oro, and I were half a block away, leaving a rehearsal for The Joy of Lex.

Undoubtedly, one unknowingly cheats death many times in his/her life. Nevertheless, every time I am aware of such a close call, I am reminded of the need to really savor each day I am alive. No amount of premature grair hairs, snowy March days, or squabbles with friends or family should be given the power to make me anything less than joyous to be living the life I have created for myself.

Defying the Winter Blues

2007-03-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

I often find myself posting at times when I need to see my own thoughts on a page in order to follow them. So let me preface by saying I am writing this evening as much for my own mental health and rejuvenation as for the well being of others!

As winter continues her assault on us East Coast residents, it becomes increasingly hard for many of us to stay focused on short and long term goals. It becomes easy to oversleep, overeat, and procrastinate when one is cold, wet, windblown, and sun deprived.

Remembering that spring is around the corner cannot always assuage the winter blues. So I have promised myself and am encouraging others to make a special effort to find at least one way to be nice to one's self each day.

Today, I ordered take out rather than working a second shift when I came home. What did you do?

The Joys of Neutral Pelvis

2007-03-01T11:55:00.001-05:00

It's exactly two months into the new year, and with the exception of a brief lapse during my concurrent sinus infection and bout with tonsillitis, I've been successful with my New Year's Resolution. I have recommitted to regular exercise! I have become a complete devotee to Sixth Street Pilates in the East Village and have found that pilates has not only increased my range of breath, flexibility, strength and muscle definition but has also increased my energy and focus.
But what I love perhaps the very most about pilates, is that it challenges my perfectionism. With pilates, one can never truly "master it." Whenever I allow myself to get too tickled with my progress, I am constantly reminded that, just as with everything else in my life, the more I think I know the more I actually have to learn. A couple of nights ago, Kathryn, my instructor, spoke at great length about the importance of maintaining a neutral pelvis. At first, I sensed a bit of frustration growing in me that I wasn't getting my full hour's worth of exercise. So, like a good pilates student, I channeled my mounting frustration into my breath. And as I have been encouraging my clients and students, demanded that I really listen to Kathryn rather than just physiologically hear her.

This is when the transformation happened! I realized that although I conceptually knew what it meant to maintain a neutral pelvis, in reality, I was not always doing it. As I listened to Kathryn describe with incredible precision the need for one to keep the tip of her pelvis in line with the hip bones, no matter the position of the back, bottom, etc., I realized that although I had gotten pretty good at not clenching my pelvis, it was rarely properly aligned.

I don't know what has titillated me more in the last day- realizing that I made another pilates discovery or the amazing relief I have experienced in my lower back as a result of holding my pelvis properly. All I know is, this is one resolution I must continue to make happen!

Life, Death, and The Fear of Writing

2006-06-24T21:34:00.000-04:00

I saw a person die a few days ago. Man... woman, I'm not sure. I wouldn't allow myself to get close enough. I only know that s/he was dead based on watching paramedics prepare to lift her body into a bag. Hit by a car on Essex Street, midway between Rivington and Delancey. Most likely hit on the bicycle that lay beside him/her. It was 9:15AM and I was on my way to work. For three days, all I can think about is the image of that body. I'm tired, very tired lately, but I don't want to die anytime soon. And for the love of God, Steve, keep your Trek on the bridge and in parks. No avenues. We've got babies to make!

A friend curtailed our evening tonight and I'm at home on a Saturday at 9:30PM. So many things I could be doing, mainly working on re-writes for Joy of Lex. I haven't written in so long I don't know if I remember how to anymore. I really like the article I wrote about the show, among other things, which will come out in We Don't Need Another Wave in October, and I worry that the performance doesn't accomplish all that the chapter pruports it does. Oh, if only it could be August 14th and I could be brilliant!

My Father, Myself

2006-04-26T17:34:00.001-04:00

I, and I would imagine most folks I know, go through much of life wondering how we are products of our parents. Yes, of course, our socialization has as much to do with who we are as our DNA make-up, but it often feels like there is far more that separates us from our parents than a couple of generations. I have questioned my lineage much lately. How could my mother honestly believe that the film United 93 has some salience? How come my father seems unable to share in a mutually satisfying partnership with a partner? My politics and communication skills must have come from some other kinship formation, right?! But maybe not. My father did something so moving last night I fear that taking too much time to chronicle it will kill it's earnestness. So I'll be brief. I shared with him my frustration that my college students struggled to communicate their responses to The Laramie Project during their class yesterday. To quote one usually self-reflexive but recently less analytical student, "You can't empathize with something you haven't experienced." I want to meet my students where they are, but boy, I had a hard time processing that 23 urban, predominantly first-generation college students couldn't have empathy with members of a community grappling with the ramifications of unquestioned hatred towards "the other." Anyway, I'm sharing my goals and objectives for bringing a film I find flawed in a lot of ways into my class, when my dad, who is on a road trip, tells me that he is in Wyoming. He asks me some questions about Matthew Shephard, tells me that he's in his thoughts, and a couple of hours later tells me that he has detoured to Laramie to pray not only for Matt but for the people in the town. Maybe I'm not the postman's child after all!

A Not So Political Theatre

2006-03-20T09:37:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a while, I found this week's edition of Time Out New York thought provoking. Although, to be fair, I think my interest in the theatre section was more from what TONY failed to consider than from any groundbreaking artistic analysis it was able to undertake. In the head theatre story, David Cote writes about New York Theatre Workshop's decision to cancel My Name is Rachel Corie, the London Royal Court Theatre's "political" story of the American student and activist, Rachel Corie, who went to the Gaza Strip in support of a free Palestinian state. Corie was killed by a bulldozer while using her body as a human shield in an attempt to stop a home's demolition back in March 16, 2003. NYTW Artistic Director James Nicola has said that he has postponed the show indefinitely due to the current intensification of fighting in the region.

Now honestly, I'm not too terribly interested in Nicola's reasoning. But I am fascinated about how "political" gets tossed around in the article. Various folks laud NYTW for its cutting-edge, political theatre (i.e. Rent and Homebody/Kabul). Right, political theatre is theatre that merely recreates historical incidents. It's nostalgic. It doesn't ask questions; it simply seeks to report on the lives of people and communities in primarily linear narratives that every once and a while have a flashback or dream sequence at just the right moment to invoke some additional sentimentality.

See, that's why I hate most "political" theatre.

But TONY doesn't leave me without hope. Back on page 36, John O'Connell writes a brief article on lesbian, Victorian pulp fiction writer Sarah Waters. Now I haven't read a bloody thing Ms. Waters has written (but her last name does give me reason to be optimistic). But I did spend three hours watching the BBC adaptation of her book Tipping the Velvet last night, and it most certainly gave me reason to smile. Set in London during the 1890s, Waters tells the story of Nan King, an oyster girl who leaves her family and job to follow her adored female, male-impersonater, the very, very hot Kitty Butler onto the stage. Now, while the first episode is only as good as its gender-bent parodic musical numbers and graphic velvet tipping, for it abounds in too much sentimentality and misses many a moment to comment on itself, it still does more for political performance than anything I've ever seen at NYTW or most so-called political New York theatres. The second and third espisodes complicate the traditional girl leaves home to perform with her lover narrative by showing Nan's travails after her romance with Kitty ends . Waters certainly knows how to defy dichotomous lesbian representations and creates an ending that, to avoid spoiling it, I'll simply say simultaneously allows Nan to have seemingly monogamous bliss while still hinting that this relationship exists outside of the traditional, hegemonic family unit. The film, and I'm assuming book, is everything the word queer strives to ask and I'm so happy that TONY has the hutspah to give her a brief shout out and hopefully raise awareness of the kind of "political" artists who actually ask questions, challenge normative kinship structures, represent a myriad of feminine desires and do it with some wit and sarcasm.

Well, the last of those things is not so much Waters as it is Rikhye. So if you are intrigued at all by my brief description of Tipping the Velvet, come see Kiran Rikhye's fantastic gender-bent, blank verse, highly parodic trifle- Stage Kiss. Yes, this is a shameless plug for my next Stolen Chair show (just click on my link to the right) but it really is related. I promise!