Is Your 'Tribe' a Reflection of Who You Want to Be?

If you're anything like me, growing up there were friends your mom thought were a good influence, or at the very least pretty benign, and then there were those 'other' friends..... the ones your mom said were bad news either for real or perceived reasons. While you might have bickered with your mom that those 'others' were just misunderstood, more often than not mother knew best. And you probably had to come home, head hung low, more than a few times when these so-called friends played a role in you making a bad decision. While you dreaded that deserved 'I told you so" from ma, you knew it was justified.

One of the seemingly liberating and exciting things about getting older is that you get to be self-directed in terms of the professional and personal relationships you pursue. You can court anyone you want as a friend, significant other, business partner, etc. And unless you've got a helicopter parent or two, you're on your own through the good, the bad, and the ugly. While the freedom can create opportunities to forge meaningful relationships with people your racial, gender, religious, or socio-economic background previously prevented you from knowing and connecting to, it's important to be aware if you are building all of your adult relationships intentionally and if they are in your best interest.

This week I experienced a huge dropping off of people in my life. I chose courage over fear and made a bold choice. Those who weren't able to push through their fear and self-interest to stand by me chose to end our relationship. Now, I'm not going to lie. There's a tremendous grieving process for me whenever close relationships end, and this week I had more than a few rounds of water works. Yet I found myself rebounding more quickly than I have from just about any professional or personal setback I can recall. Within a couple of days, I started to feel brighter, as if my body was a conduit for white, healing light. I felt more peaceful and happy. I even felt a few inches taller (and for those who've never seen me face-to-face, I'm already a proud 5'8''). I realized that when the people around you are in a different place in their social, emotional, or spiritual development, their energy can have a real stymieing impact on how you show up to life each day. Once these people lose their hold on you, you feel lighter and you can shine brighter.

As a student and practitioner of A Course in Miracles, I believe in the importance of extending love to all of the people in my life. Whether one chooses to do it because it just feels like the right or ethical thing to do or because those who do it seem to attract more abundance in all of their life spheres (e.g. financial, work, family, spirituality, leisure, etc.), it's important to recognize (as I recently have) that unconditional love, acceptance, kindness... whatever you want to call it..... does not mean that you have to sustain relationships with everyone who comes your way and takes an interest in you. In fact, if you believe in quantum physics and subscribe to the belief that like energy attracts like energy, we have a responsibility not to hold close those people whose values or ways of thinking, believing, and behaving run counter to our own. We can love them. Then, we need to release them. By doing so, we create room for nutritious people to show up and help us learn, grow, and move towards our next level of success.

I believe there are few coincidences. In the last two days, I've been asked to join the board of two organizations whose work gets me really jazzed. I connected with a brilliant artist and educator I've been trying to court as a friend for a long time. And I've had an opportunity to take stock of the closest remaining relationships in my life and see that each person is a mirror for who I want to be to the world.

My challenge for you this Independence Day weekend, should you choose to accept it, is to ask yourself: Do the relationships in my life empower me to live my best life? If you answer YES, sweet! Let these folks know how they fuel you and check-in and make sure you are being of maximum service to them. If you answered NO, or SOME, ask yourself the following: If this/these relationships are reflections to the world of who I am, how are other people perceiving me? And based on the answer(s) you awaken to, muse on: What opportunities can I harness to ensure that my relationships are setting me up to capitalize on my full potential and leave a legacy I can be proud of?