Interview with Deborah King, Author of TRUTH HEALS

Every once and a while, a book comes along that shakes me into asking questions about myself, my experiences, and how I can and must take action based on my new learning and growth. Deborah King's book, Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You, is one such book. I've had the pleasure of interviewing Deborah on how telling the truth heals across contexts. Enjoy.

Q: Kindly tell Generation We readers a little bit about the book.

A: Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You (Hay House 2009), a national bestseller, answers the question: How could the truth change your life? It probes the naked unadulterated truth and its powerful impact on the emotional and physical issues you encounter every day. Truth Heals is a fascinating read, a combination of juicy personal memoir, fun celebrity examples, and solid information that connects the dots between your emotions and your health and happiness.

Q: What are the top 3 reasons millennials (the generation born between 1980-2000) need to read your book?

A: Millennials will inherit a world changed forever by the current economic crisis, global warming, fundamentalism and terrorism—all of which are in their face 24/7 with non-stop media and social networking. Within that framework, they will have to be able to discern what information is true and valuable for them and how to thread their way along an individual path to health and happiness. Truth Heals will:

1) Show them where truth lies inside themselves and how to access it;

2) Connect any physical problem they are having to the appropriate energy behind it so it can be released and healed; and

3) Give them an understanding, through celebrity examples, of why it’s so important to acknowledge and release any emotions hidden inside.

Q: What professional and personal experiences led you to the healing field and most informed your healing theories and practices?

A: Two major personal experiences led me onto the path of healing: one was my experience of being healed from cancer when I was in my mid-twenties, and the other was my husband’s long road to recovery from a brain injury (received when he fell while we were mountain climbing), which conventional medicine couldn’t treat. In both instances, I turned to alternative medicine in the search for wellness, which put me squarely on my path of training in that field.

The first experience that most informed me was learning to meditate. I found that the regular practice of meditation (and I’ve never skipped a day) creates clarity at a level difficult to describe. Once I had that clarity, I was able to evaluate various healing modalities. I began training with an esoteric American group of healers, in, of all places, Reno. Later, I joined that same group at their San Francisco campus where I continued my apprenticeship. After spending over 10 years with them, I moved on to training in and later teaching a healing system that works with the chakra system and the human energy field.

Now, many years later, having worked with thousands of people in live events across the country, I’ve seen the powerful ways in which the truth can heal on many different levels.

Q: How does somebody actually know when s/he has healed?

A: We are all in a life-long process of dealing with painful emotions that threaten us and can become buried in our psyche and body, manifesting as addictions, depression, and the like, and finally physical disease. We may not always be able to heal the physical illness (although it is much more possible than people imagine), but we can take the first step by healing our emotions. When we are able to acknowledge what we are feeling and let it flow through and out of us, instead of denying and holding onto the pain, we have healed the biggest obstacle to our health and happiness. When you feel free, you are on the path to healing.

Q: What role, if any, does telling the truth have on our ability to forgive?

A: Forgiveness is possible only when we have released the emotional pain in our own hearts, which requires being truthful about what we’re feeling. Here are three quick “fill in the blanks” to see what is necessary to be able to forgive:

1) I am afraid to consider forgiving _______because_________;

2) I would like to be forgiven for ____________; and

3) If I could bring myself to forgive ___________, I would say_____________.

Q: What are the 3 most significant ways that people fail to tell the truth in the workplace? What's the impact?

A: It all comes down to the same thing: no one wants to be rejected or not loved and appreciated. . . or fired. In the workplace, this means that people may try to 1) make themselves appear to know more than they really do—they fake it, 2) manipulate bosses, co-workers, or clients in order to look better or to get ahead, or 3) cover up their mistakes by blaming others. All of this makes it harder to get the job done, and slow down the work process. It’s far better to go beyond the fear and say, I don’t know how to do this part, can you show/teach me how?

Q: One of the chief areas in which young people struggle to tell the truth is in disclosing incest. You state that 80% deny it. (1/3 girls and 1/5 boys are the reported incidences). As a fellow sexual abuse survivor who knows that telling the truth healed me, what recommendations do you offer survivors and families for shifting this trend when so often perpetrator and victim are in the same family?

A: First, let’s talk about the situation where the abuse happened, has now ceased and you are no longer living under the same roof as the perpetrator. The first thing to do in order to heal from the trauma is to acknowledge the truth by telling someone what happened. Choose someone you trust to talk to who is qualified —a school counselor, a nurse, a teacher. It’s crucial to know that you can put this experience behind you, just like I did. I don’t recommend that you confront family unless and until you feel totally ready. In my own case, more than 20 years passed before I felt ready, and it was still quite a challenge. Many of the people I work with choose never to confront; it’s very much an individual decision. In addition to talking about the experience, I recommend therapy (again, with someone who is qualified). Sometimes, writing about the experience, or expressing your feelings artistically, is a great way to achieve healing. (That’s one reason why I wrote about my experiences of incest in Truth Heals). There are also some really good books out there; you can check out the resource section on my website, http://www.deborahkingcenter.com/resources, for a list of suggested reading material.

If you are still living with your family and/or still subject to abuse, you’ll not only want to immediately tell someone outside your family (again, a school nurse, counselor or teacher would be good choices), but you’ll want them to talk to someone in authority (not the perpetrator) in your family. It’s key that you be protected from the risk of further abuse; don’t worry about the repercussions from disclosure in this instance. My experience working with both victims and perpetrators in the same family is that once the cat is out of the bag, things begin to sort themselves out. Many times, we’ve all been surprised by the willingness of a perpetrator to seek treatment. So often, the perpetrator has a similar story of their own to tell of the abuse they received at the hands of one of their family members when they were young. Child sexual abuse will continue to be repeated from one generation to the next unless and until we speak out; it’s the truth that breaks the pattern and frees the generations that follow.

9 Words I'm Sick of Using

The more that I speak, coach, train, and write, the more I realize that I rely on a just a handful of words for the majority of my communication. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these words, and it’s not as if I’m saying them to the same people over and over again each day, over the last few weeks I’ve been finding my creativity stymied. And I suspect it may by my eagerness to go to my comfort words both in my oral and written communication that’s locking me up.

So last night, while having a few friends over for a couple’s fondue party, I gave myself the challenge to use words I don’t typically have reason to say when appropriate to the topic being discussed. While I discovered that sometimes using a familiar word or phrase is necessary (I got a lot of puzzled looks when I said octogenarian when older adult would have sufficed), I’m nevertheless going to try my darndest NOT to use the following 9 words through the end of the workweek (except for in my Future Proof Your Potential Group Coaching Tele-class. I can’t talk about authentic pitching without saying at least half of these) and see what I learn.

1. Authenticity
2. Branding
3. Possibilities
4. Discover (Yes, I said this above. I’m starting my experiment once this posts.)
5. Networking
6. Millennial(s)
7. Integrity
8. Aha (I know this isn’t a word, but trust me, it deserves a place on this list!)
9. Payoff

Do you ever find that you are recycling the same words and phrases in your communication?

Is it solely out of routine? Professional necessity? Or might there be some unchecked employer/client/people pleasing in effect?

Please share your insights!

Why Michelle Obama is Good for Millennial/Gen Y Women

1. She lives in integrity.
A person who lives in integrity consistently shapes her beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions from her core values. Michelle Obama is the quintessential integrity-driven leader. She has been able to be Mother-in-Chief while still championing the causes she cares about most- education, health and wellness, military families, and education, among others.

2. She has exploded the definition of sexy.
Michelle Obama dances effortlessly between J. Crew, Isabel Toledo, Narciso Rodriguez, and Jason Wu. Her arms have earned her respect throughout the world. But the First Lady hasn’t just buffed up her physique. She’s also flexed many a cognitive muscle. She graduated cum laude from Princeton and magna cum laude from Harvard Law School. But her ultimate sex appeal has come from fusing her commitment to social justice with the ability to command a six-figure salary. Sexy is finding your calling, letting it catalyze a career, and bringing home the bread. And knowing that while you don’t need to apologize for staying out of the kitchen if you can best provide value elsewhere, you can still whip up a mean apple cobbler and shrimp linguine if/when you get the urge.

3. She Has Re-envisioned Work-Life Balance
Michelle Obama understands that while a woman can “have it all,” she can’t have it all at the same time. When asked in Time’s June 1st “The Meaning of Michelle” why she would sacrifice her career for her husband, the First Lady pushed back by saying, “I’m 45 years old. When this is over and my kids are grown… I’ll still be in the prime of my professional life, as far as I see it… That’s a whole lot of good years of doing a whole bunch of things…that fit into my particular line of work.” She understands that her current situation is a rarity, a blessing, and possible only because of the team she has assembled from her mother to her chief of staff. Michelle Obama has sought to extend some of the work-life balance she has cultivated for herself to working parents by advocating for their flextime, sick leave, and on-site child care.

4. She Understands that Real Women Live in the Underutilized Space Between Castrating Bitch and Kewpie Doll
Michelle Obama can get angry. Racism, abuses of power, and childhood poverty are just a smattering of the injustices that get her goat. Michelle Obama can also come across as a love-struck schoolgirl when canoodling with the President. Or one of the gals when lunching and laughing with her staff. But more often than not, she comes across as living somewhere between the poles of the good girl/bad girl dichotomy that so many public women get restricted and defined by. Her authenticity to show up to each day exactly as she feels shows young women that it is not only okay but also vital to surrender to the range of emotions that comprise the human experience. And to resist playing into another’s first impression or stereotype. Find Brand You and live her at 150%.

5. She Gets That Real Privilege Begins with Education
While Michelle Obama often touts herself as the product of the Chicago Public Schools, she is aware that the opportunity for a similar education is not available to many lower income and working class families of color today. During her February 2, 2009 address to the Department of Education staff she said, “I am committed, as well as my husband, to ensuring that more kids like us and kids around this country, regardless of their race, their income, their status, the property values in their neighborhoods, get access to an outstanding education.” The First Lady understands that it’s millennials, who will be the largest generation at work by 2012, who “Will close the gap between the world as it is and the world as it should be.” And she is determined to ensure that whether young people come into the world with a pewter or platinum spoon that they have an opportunity to get the education necessary to have a voice in this process.

6. She Listens as Effectively as She Speaks
The First Lady is incomparable at showing up to any audience and sharing her message in whatever way she needs to so that her audience can really listen and take action afterwards. However, she also is a masterful listener. I love to watch her nonverbal cues when others are speaking. She absorbs what they are saying with her whole body. I always get the sense that she not only hears the language that is being spoken but also what the person is not saying but nevertheless is thinking and feeling. This is one of the most important ingredients to effective leadership, and Michelle Obama models beautifully how to do it.