Gen Y Women and the Recession: What We're Thinking and Doing... and WHY

One of the great things about my work is that it positions me to contribute my two cents for books, articles, college courses, info products, etc. The bummer is when I dedicate the time to give what I believe are valuable nuggets for action or reflection and they never see the light of day…as recently happened when one of my media superheroines reached out for a story on young women in the workplace. Since the biggest bummer is having the content go underutilized, I’m piecing it together to share with you my thoughts on how the recession is impacting us Gen Y and millennial women. In many ways it’s a companion piece to my June 17th Awaken Your CAREERpreneur vlog where I asked, “The Ladies are Coming, or are They?”

The 2 Biggest Trends

First, for well-educated young women who are still pursuing full-time employment upon graduation, I am noticing that those who are driven by a desire to succeed are more tentative about taking positions with start-ups, in publishing or on Wall Street. Instead, they are looking to align their expertise with corporations that are pegged for continual growth such as health care and renewable energy.

Second, for young women driven by a desire to make positive social impact, I'm seeing a lot choose to move home so that they can work in a nonprofit and make a contribution through a company like Teach for America or YouthBuild. Gen Y and millennial women inspired to drive change through entrepreneurial solutions are also looking for positions in social enterprise or in CSR. Knowing that work in most industries is unstable at best, many young women are saying, "I might as well do what I care about now. For the only thing worse than selling out is being sold out," as so many of us have witnessed happen for Gen X and Boomers.

New Grads as Perpetual Grads

I'm also seeing a lot of young women go directly from college to graduate school or from college to work (or job seeking) for a year or two and then to graduate school...rather than waiting 3-5 years to launch their careers, gain real-world experience and choose a degree program that aligns with their professional goals. As a former women’s studies professor, trust me I'm not knocking higher education. And the influx of women into MBA and PhD programs is exciting to be sure. However, when young women accrue massive educational debt, haven't necessarily chosen degrees that will make them more competitive job candidates or graduate over educated and under experienced, I worry. It's important for any woman choosing graduate school to be VERY clear about how much the degree will increase her earning potential and whether it's enough to cover and warrant what she will be shelling out in monthly payments upon graduation.

The Gen-Y/Millennial Woman’s Mindset

While we know we have lower rates of unemployment than our male counterparts, there is still a sense that we are not moving up the ranks as quickly as we did in a robust economy. The fear, the source of most self-sabotage, manifests in a lot of concerns over integrating the personal with the professional: How do I put equal attention into job hunting/career reinvention and dating? How do I feel about the fact that I may be supporting or at least picking up the tab for a significant other who is unemployed? Will I have achieved the success I seek prior to wanting to start a family?

For many Gen Y and millennial women, unfortunately, the greatest barrier to workplace equity is ourselves. We trail miserably behind young men in negotiating our first salaries. We trail miserably behind young men in asking for performance reviews and promotions. And we trail miserably behind young men in our assessment of our workplace performance and preparedness for leadership. Therefore, while we might get ourselves in the door before young men do, we are much more likely not to move as quickly up or be paid as well the longer we are in the workplace. It's important to step into our moxie and ask for what we're worth—in money, position and opportunity—once we've gotten in and have measurable results to back-up our case.

All of this undoubtedly plays into our thoughts on entrepreneurship. It's commonly reported that Gen Y believes entrepreneurship to be safer than full-time employment. A recent survey by the Young Entrepreneurs Council reported that 35% of Gen Y who are currently employed have started a side business, 21% have started a business because they are unemployed and 79% are interested in one day becoming entrepreneurs. As I know firsthand, young women are more likely to start home based businesses than tech start-ups. More and more are taking to the internet to blog, create info products and sell services through our online brands. This is the space where I think women will most be stepping up and leading in the next 2-5 years. The next wave of young female small business success is leveraging one’s products and service to make more sizable and replicable social impact.

More anon….

6 Truths to Rock Your Ovaries (or Cajones)

Today is a yummy day. It's my 3-year wedding anniversary, and all I can think about is my guy getting his tush home from work. My lunch date cancelled, I'm ahead of my writing schedule and so I find myself with some extra time luxuriating in the happy truths I nourish myself with on a daily basis to sustain me in the awesome times and fly me through the icky ones. And because of truth #1, well, you get a blog post out of it!

1. Inspiration is best when shared. When you feel lit up, light someone else's fire by sharing a spark of your divine.

2. A giggle gets you through the garbage. Just laugh. It's as much of a parasympathetic activity as crying or whining and usually feels a whole heckuva lot better.

3. We get through everything. The question, "How am I going to show up to my journey?" Enough said.

4. Through empathy there is ease. I attended a dynamo webinar on emotional intelligence (EQ) yesterday and among the many things I learned, at the top of the list was that millionaires who have sustained their fortunes have all had high EQ. When you dance in other people's shoes, not only do relationship go deeper, money flows!

5. Give yourself the _____ you want from others. Whether "blank" means love, an answer, permission or forgiveness, the gift you give yourself always lasts longer and makes more of an impact.

6. What's your truth?

Announcing the Launch of Awaken Your CAREERpreneur

As many of you know, I'm just over a week away from the launch of my new book, Awaken Your CAREERpreneur: A Holistic Road Map to Climb from Your Calling to Your Career. I'm incredibly jazzed to be able to share how I fuse entrepreneurial strategies with best practices for mind-body-spirit alignment to engineer sustainable career success with a greater audience!

To support CAREERpreneurs in staying engaged with their career success engineering, I've created a new blog with a team of 7 experts in health and wellness, financial management, small business and small business start-up, personal leadership, nonprofit/social enterprise, and new media who will be posting their musings, best practices, and interviews along with me.

If you are a fan of Musings from The Generation We Coach, make sure you subscribe to Awaken Your CAREERpreneur. While I'll still be blogging here--and focusing on workplace and generational issues--Awaken Your CAREERpreneur will be the primary home for my recipes for career and personal development.

3 Tips to Avoid the Summer Career Blues

Each year around this time, I find many of my clients and colleagues contracting a special summer sickness. While it often is as contagious as a summer cold, this particular malady can't be cured by Emergen-C or a Z-Pak. It usually sets in around mid-July and August, right before or right after a vacation. One finds her or himself asking questions like, "Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life?" and, when in its more advanced stages, "Am I ever going to be able to shake off this funk?"

If you or someone you know has a case of the summer career blues, get onto the path to recovery via the following:

1. Begin by taking stock of what you've learned through your career trajectory thus far. Because career enjoyment comes from a fusion of playing to strengths, engaging in meaningful relationship, and performing work in a culture that supports who you are, begin with these questions: What kind of work do I enjoy and am I good at? What kinds of people do I most like to work with? What kind of workplace environment sets me up to do my best work? The clearer you get on what you want, the sooner you'll be able to find it.

2. Start conducting informational interviews with people in fields and roles that pique your interest. Unlike a traditional interview where you are in the hot seat, in an informational interview you are requesting to speak with people in an area of interest for 20-30 minutes and pick their brains about their career trajectory, the company they work for, and their current role. Informational interviews are great way to explore new career areas, introduce yourself to key players, and in the process, market yourself.

3. Volunteer for a local nonprofit agency/community organization. Not only will making a contribution help you to feel purposeful again, it will also introduce you to a range of people in your community who may give you ideas and introductions that help connect you to your next opportunity.

Is Your 'Tribe' a Reflection of Who You Want to Be?

If you're anything like me, growing up there were friends your mom thought were a good influence, or at the very least pretty benign, and then there were those 'other' friends..... the ones your mom said were bad news either for real or perceived reasons. While you might have bickered with your mom that those 'others' were just misunderstood, more often than not mother knew best. And you probably had to come home, head hung low, more than a few times when these so-called friends played a role in you making a bad decision. While you dreaded that deserved 'I told you so" from ma, you knew it was justified.

One of the seemingly liberating and exciting things about getting older is that you get to be self-directed in terms of the professional and personal relationships you pursue. You can court anyone you want as a friend, significant other, business partner, etc. And unless you've got a helicopter parent or two, you're on your own through the good, the bad, and the ugly. While the freedom can create opportunities to forge meaningful relationships with people your racial, gender, religious, or socio-economic background previously prevented you from knowing and connecting to, it's important to be aware if you are building all of your adult relationships intentionally and if they are in your best interest.

This week I experienced a huge dropping off of people in my life. I chose courage over fear and made a bold choice. Those who weren't able to push through their fear and self-interest to stand by me chose to end our relationship. Now, I'm not going to lie. There's a tremendous grieving process for me whenever close relationships end, and this week I had more than a few rounds of water works. Yet I found myself rebounding more quickly than I have from just about any professional or personal setback I can recall. Within a couple of days, I started to feel brighter, as if my body was a conduit for white, healing light. I felt more peaceful and happy. I even felt a few inches taller (and for those who've never seen me face-to-face, I'm already a proud 5'8''). I realized that when the people around you are in a different place in their social, emotional, or spiritual development, their energy can have a real stymieing impact on how you show up to life each day. Once these people lose their hold on you, you feel lighter and you can shine brighter.

As a student and practitioner of A Course in Miracles, I believe in the importance of extending love to all of the people in my life. Whether one chooses to do it because it just feels like the right or ethical thing to do or because those who do it seem to attract more abundance in all of their life spheres (e.g. financial, work, family, spirituality, leisure, etc.), it's important to recognize (as I recently have) that unconditional love, acceptance, kindness... whatever you want to call it..... does not mean that you have to sustain relationships with everyone who comes your way and takes an interest in you. In fact, if you believe in quantum physics and subscribe to the belief that like energy attracts like energy, we have a responsibility not to hold close those people whose values or ways of thinking, believing, and behaving run counter to our own. We can love them. Then, we need to release them. By doing so, we create room for nutritious people to show up and help us learn, grow, and move towards our next level of success.

I believe there are few coincidences. In the last two days, I've been asked to join the board of two organizations whose work gets me really jazzed. I connected with a brilliant artist and educator I've been trying to court as a friend for a long time. And I've had an opportunity to take stock of the closest remaining relationships in my life and see that each person is a mirror for who I want to be to the world.

My challenge for you this Independence Day weekend, should you choose to accept it, is to ask yourself: Do the relationships in my life empower me to live my best life? If you answer YES, sweet! Let these folks know how they fuel you and check-in and make sure you are being of maximum service to them. If you answered NO, or SOME, ask yourself the following: If this/these relationships are reflections to the world of who I am, how are other people perceiving me? And based on the answer(s) you awaken to, muse on: What opportunities can I harness to ensure that my relationships are setting me up to capitalize on my full potential and leave a legacy I can be proud of?

What I've Learned Thus Far....

A week ago I hit one of those milestone birthdays that encourage you to take pause and reflect on what you have achieved, and more importantly, what you have learned up to the current point in your life. While the day itself was a bit of a bust, the long road trip it revolved around enabled me to muse on the top lessons I've learned thus far....

1. If you see something, say something. (The NYC Subway system might have coined the phrase to discuss terrorism, yet the applications are infinite. Truth heals the self and others. We have a responsibility to speak what we know and believe, particularly when it's scary. The fear is a good indicator that our voice is as necessary as ever!)

2. Sometimes you have to go back (e.g. to places, experiences, relationships, etc.) to get ahead.

3. Breathing heals just about everything. (So keep doing it, with increasingly slowness and depth).

4. The things that bug me most about others are indicators of what is bugging me most about myself.

5. My relationship with food is a mirror for my relationship with myself. (When I am intentional about my eating and ensuring that what I consume empowers my peak performance, attention, attitude, and audaciousness proceed organically).

6. Listen more than I talk.

7. Treat others the way they want to be treated. (This not only is pivotal for effective leadership and management; it also is the cornerstone of any thriving relationship, particularly a marriage!)

In the last few days, I've also thought through my learning bids and aspirations for the next decade or so of life. Some of them include, in no particular order-

1. Sustain the recipe for health and wellness I've created. (The more sturdy the personal foundation I create, the more "assignments" I receive to challenge me to really walk the walk. Game on, universe!).

2. Complete a sommelier course.... or through enough wine tastings/vineyard visits get really savvy about wine.

3. Live in a different country. (I'm not sure how this can work within the frame of my life. Nonetheless, it stays on the list).

4. Publish a book. (Close..... so darn close).

5. Stop trying to save other people. (Expand my belief that the universe has got my back to the universe has got others' backs).

6. Renovate a mid-century modern house and cultivate an herb and vegetable garden in its backyard.

7. Continue to tilt my ratio of laughter back to the childhood norm (700 laughs/day) versus the adult norm (under 20). -These stats come from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.

When is the last time you have stopped to take pause and identify the life experiences and wisdom you have archived through the latest chapter(s) of your life? How can you use this foundation as a launching off point for the life you are seeking to manifest for yourself in the days, weeks, months, and years to come?

When Respect and Ethics Collide, What's a Well Intentioned Leader to Do?

In Five Minds for the Future, author Howard Gardner discusses the difference between respect and ethics. He states that respect is the process of understanding where other people are coming from and giving them the benefit of the doubt while ethics is fulfilling your roles (e.g., employee, parent, child, citizen, etc.) responsibly and from a place of integrity.

These two "minds" may sound synonymous or at the very least complementary; often times they are not. Respect calls for us to put ourselves in the position of another to understand why that person has taken a particular action. An ethical mind demands that we question choices and uses of power if we do not believe they are for the greater good.

How do leaders embody both minds simultaneously?

I returned to Gardner's book this week to support me in making some choices about how to proceed in a situation where I'm finding these two minds coming into conflict. And after some nice musing, I've concluded you can't and you shouldn't fuse the two. You have to layer one on top of the other.

First, you employ a nice dose of respect. You understand the context in which the person(s) made the choice. What information did they have at their disposal? What results did they seek to achieve? How did they draw on best practices or past experiences? Then you evaluate the short, and depending on how much time has transpired, long term impact of those choices. Finally, you take action based on what your head, heart, and gut tell you.

And this is where a lot of us emerging leaders feel uncomfortable. We know what we think and feel, yet we lack the experience at making an effective intervention. As a result, we come across as idealistic and self-righteous or mousy and paralyzed by fear.

And here is the really juicy opportunity to go back to Gardner. For us babes who want to save the world and find it hard to quell the desire not to go all Erin Brockovich, it's worth cycling back to respect to identify how to share our voices so that the intended listener can truly take in our feedback and hopefully take appropriate action from it. When we do this, we usually recognize the importance of approaching someone discretely, speaking from our perspective, providing a variety of evidence, and asking questions to learn more about where someone is coming from.

For developing leaders who suffer from the butterflies, Gardner can also be used. One of Gardner's other minds, the creating mind, gets developed by teasing out new ideas and proposing new practices and answers. To be a leader with Gardner's minds for the future (and I'd assert for the present- for the future is created moment-to-moment through each real time choice that we make), I call leaders who find themselves sniffing out injustice to speak out against it. Use the fear as a platform for developing creativity... for finding voice... for individually and collectively creating space for what is right to take shape.

To create this new neurological pathway takes discipline (which just so happens to be another one of Gardner's minds, fancy that). And, conveniently enough, all of this work is ultimately about synthesis, putting a range of ideas or practices together into a coherent framework for thinking and action, Gardner's final mind.

Staying Financially Resilient While Unemployed: An Interview with Jacquette M. Timmons

Read an excerpt from my most recent RECRUITING NEVADA column....

I had the privilege of meeting Jacquette M. Timmons, founder and CEO of Sterling Investment Management (an investment education and financial coaching firm) during a reading of her new book, FINANCIAL INTIMACY (Chicago Review Press, 2010). I found Jacquette’s balance of financial know-how, strategies for effective communication, and humor delightful, and I’m so glad she has generously agreed to share her recipe for financial savvy in difficult times with Nevada jobseekers.

Alexia Vernon: If someone receives a pink slip, what are the questions he or she should immediately ask his/her employer?

Jacquette M. Timmons: First, if this is coming as a complete surprise, do not sign anything until you've digested the news. Even if your employer wants to wrap up things immediately and wants you to leave the premises post haste, ask for fifteen minutes to collect yourself.

Second, ask for a letter of recommendation, on company letterhead. It's best to have it in-hand or in your personal email in-box before leaving the premises. You don't want an "it's in the mail" scenario.

Third, negotiate for more severance - no matter how much they offer.

Fourth, ask them to pay your medical/health insurance for the duration of your severance. Try to delay having to pick up this expense, even if by COBRA, for as long as possible.

Alexia: When someone finds himself or herself unemployed, what's the first thing he or she should do with regard to personal finances?

Jacquette: Stop using credit cards, unless for emergency purchases or services. If tracking your money isn't a habit, now is a good time to begin this practice. Also, reduce any unnecessary life-style expenses, (e.g. if you're accustomed to going to Starbuck's everyday, start making your coffee at home during the week -- go to Starbuck's on the weekends.) Move your existing retirement account (401(k) or 403(b)) to an IRA, and to the extent possible, keep the same mutual fund holdings and maintain the existing allocation. This is not the proper time to make investment decisions, per se, but believe it or not, people often forget about retirement accounts from previous employers! Taking this step will help ensure this doesn't happen to you.

To finish reading my interview with Jacquette, CLICK HERE.

Get Rid of Your "But's"

I have a confession to make. I am a recovering "but" user. I have had a lengthy history of trying to meet a listener where s/he was at, and then have sought to bring the person over to my side... "the right side." I have often done this by beginning a statement mirroring what my listener has just said and then have dropped the ole "b" bomb to segue to where I really wanted the conversation and the person I was speaking with to go. It has taken a lot of attention to stop this nasty habit and find alternative ways to communicate my intention behind my "but."

Trust me. It's been worth it!

"But" is quite possibly the most useless word in the English language. When a speaker uses it in interpersonal communication or even worse, in a presentation, it signals, among other things:

1. A lack of confidence. (The communicator has to cushion his/her real message rather than owning what s/he really wants to say.)

2. The inability to find common ground (Otherwise, the communicator would use more conciliatory language.)

3. Laziness!

For the listener, some of the consequences are:

1. Getting lost on how to take action (Often times the listener remembers what came before the "but" rather than what came after.)

2. Feeling insulted ("But" often lands as a personal affront.)

3. Lethargy. (A "but" sucks the possibility and energy from communication.)

When you find yourself wanting to interject a "but" into a statement, identify what you most want to achieve (i.e. shift the conversation to a new direction, choose the best option after brainstorming, or to anticipate an objection).

Once you know the outcome you are seeking, you can figure out the best way to substitute a "but" for what you are really attempting to say. For example:

"I hear where you are coming from; now I want you to take a breath, put what has been discussed on hold, and consider what I have to say before we finalize what to do next."

"There are a lot of possibilities for how to move forward, and I think _____ is the best one for these top 3 reasons."

"If you are anything like me, you've heard a lot of discussion around _____. It's a hot topic. And to ensure we achieve a mutually beneficial solution, I'm proposing _____."

And the most important strategy- ASK A QUESTION TO ENGAGE THE LISTENER IN COMING UP WITH A SOLUTION THAT SERVES BOTH OF YOU.

Let's see a "but" intervention teasing out this last strategy.

A manager for entry-level employees, "Josh," has just brought on a new salesperson, "Gina." Josh is thrilled about Gina's potential. She if full of infectious enthusiasm, comes with a lot of leads, has a knack for seeing opportunities where others see limitations, and most importantly, she converts prospects into clients. Josh has been giving Gina lots of carrots, and Gina has expressed her appreciation for Josh's trust and positive feedback.

Over the last couple of weeks, Gina has stopped responding punctually to Josh when she is on the road. When Josh finally gets Gina on the phone, she says, "I don't understand why I need to be in touch with you the day that you call. When I don't respond, it means I'm busy doing my job. Isn't that a good thing?"

Josh really wants to say yes, "but"..... What other options does he have?

Many managers (and let's face it, significant others, parents, and friends) find themselves in this situation all of the time- negotiating how to give another the right balance between structure and autonomy. The good news for Josh is that he didn't use "but." Instead, he did the following:

"Gina, you are a model member of the sales team. You know that. I know that. And you're right. You shouldn't always need to get back to me right away. Sometimes what I need is urgent and other times it's not. How do we ensure that we have a system in place for the time sensitive messages?"

Once Gina gets to do what she loves best, propose a solution, she's engaged in the conversation and drops any defensiveness that might have been percolating.

"Yeah, I guess I can't assume that every message isn't time sensitive, like I've been doing," Gina concedes. Is there some way you could differentiate messages for me so that if I'm busy I don't have to spend a lot of time deciphering what is pressing?"

To which Josh responds, "Sure. For the urgent stuff I can star email messages, leave a voice mail, or even Facebook you. What's your preference?"

"A text message, actually," Gina confesses. I'd like texts for the stuff you want me to respond to in an hour. Keep using email for anything that can wait a day or two. And cool it with the voicemail. I use the phone for chasing clients. I'd really prefer not to have to wade through even more phone messages than I already am."

And sure enough, Gina and Josh have not needed another check-in on their communication. And if at any point they do, Josh is clear that he will again resist the temptation to let Gina speak only to "but" her. Instead, he will solicit her participation in an amendment to the existing strategy or creation of a new one.

What opportunities can you engineer for engaging your clients, co-workers, friends, and family in providing solutions to hiccups in communication?

Start Thinking About Positive Thinking, Damn It

For the last 3-ish years, I’ve lived and coached from the maxim- “Thoughts produce feelings which produce actions which produce results. Whether you’re looking to develop yourself or your employees, if you want to get a different result work backwards until you re-shape the thoughts that are motivating the process that is leading to the undesirable result.”

While finishing Marcus Buckingham’s Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently over the weekend, I realized that this process is missing a vital component. While going to the source of any problem is important to facilitate a new solution and a shift in thinking, feeling, and behavior, we do ourselves a disservice if we only ask “What is not working?” and proceed from there. As Buckingham and strengths-based leadership folks (like me!) purport, you want to reinforce the areas where one feels strong, (i.e. energized, motivated, successful) and minimize the areas where one feels weak (i.e. depleted, bored, unsuccessful). We need to apply this same premise to reshaping thoughts.

When we trace our successful results back to the behaviors, the feelings, and ultimately the thoughts that energize them, we can see where our thinking is strong. We want to identify how we can extract this strong thinking and reapply it in the instances where we concede to weak thinking. For if we muse too long on the thoughts that are undermining our success, we inevitably reproduce this thinking and miss an opportunity to multiply the thoughts (and as a consequence the feelings, actions, and results) that allow us to live strong.

So the next time you find yourself seeking to get to a new result, look at the nutritious thoughts that fuel your successful results. Rather than seeking to eliminate or reduce unproductive thinking, see how you can harness your thoughts that are working. You may be surprised by how quickly any habits of weak thinking melt away.